So I’m learning the Daf Yomi, which means “page a day”, an overview of the Talmud Bavli, the oral law of Judaism that was written down somewhere around 500CE in Babylonia, or so. We started on the 5th of January on the 14th cycle of the Daf Yomi tradition, which was started by an orthodox rabbi in 1923, and it takes approximately 7 years and 5 months to get through it all. The page, or “daf” is made up of two sides — the center of the page is the Mishna, the older oral law that was written down about 300CE. Then there is the commentary from rabbis around the central block of text where they discuss the meaning and intent of the Mishna and on the back of the page as well.
Now, people spend their whole lives studying this, and take it very seriously, and Daf Yomi is a pretty fast pace to get through it; we don’t dwell on the text as much as read it and try to absorb as much as possible. But it gives a good overview of how modern Judaism formed after the Temple was destroyed by the Romans in 70 CE. So I don’t expect I will be any kind of Torah scholar after completing the cycle, but I will at least have given it a once over.
The thing is, I was taught in the orthodox world that it takes great logic and understanding to learn Talmud, and that those who spend their days learning it are very wise and have deep insight into the human condition and the Jewish relationship with G-d. They are considered holy for studying all the time, and in many cases are actually paid to learn full time and are thought to give spiritual protection to the Jewish people through their studies. Then I actually started reading.
The page of the day (Thursday) I read tonight was kind of all over the place, but there were a few stand out areas. Demons are *everywhere* apparently. And, if you want to know if demons are around you, you should sprinkle sifted ashes or sand onto the floor around your bed at night, and they will leave their footprints in the ash, and they look like chicken prints. So there’s that.
Now if you want to *see* the demons, you take the placenta of a firstborn black cat that is also a firstborn black cat, and burn it. Grind the remainder into a powder, then put it in your eyes, and you will see the demons all around us all the time. In addition, you need to take the remainder of the powder and put it in an iron tube, with an iron stopper, and seal it up really good, so the demons won’t steal it. One rabbi did this, and saw the demons, and was injured. Then the rabbis blessed him and he was healed.
I can’t even with this shit.
I mean, I know the ancient world was different and all, but this is straight up superstition and folklore, and people in the 21st century take it all very literally and seriously in the orthodox world. This is the second mention of demons in less than a week since we started, and I know there are more to come. I know people who literally keep the bathroom door shut and the lid down on the toilet to keep the poop demons (mentioned later on — we haven’t gotten there yet) out of the house. People absolutely take it seriously.
There are 42 books of this stuff. People in all seriousness discussing demons, blaming the pushing of crowds at religious gathering on them, claiming they make your knees go weak and your feet to hurt, and wear out the clothing of the holy rabbis by rubbing against them. There are a thousand to the left and ten thousand on the right of us at all times.
I don’t know what to make of it all. The anthropology student in me is fascinated by this look into the past, and the rest of me is horrified that there are people walking around today who take it seriously as fact. And I’m paying $40 a pop for these books, they aren’t cheap.
There is classism — a person who works for a living should be liable for the death penalty if he comes home from work and eats, rather than going to the shul to pray first, because he might fall asleep and miss saying a prayer before bed. But a Torah scholar is exempt from the same prayer, because he learns all the time, and it is assumed he will fall asleep with holy thoughts in his head. (which will protect him from those pesky demons that are everywhere)
King David had a magical harp over his bed that would play exactly at midnight to wake him up, so he could pray and learn Torah. And he humblebrags to G-d about how pious he is, how he examines the garments of women that are brought to him so that they can be ruled to be ritually pure and therefore sexually available to their husbands, even though he has to check his findings with his teacher and is sometimes told his decision is wrong by his teacher, (because it’s not the king’s job to be inspecting undergarments and miscarriages, he just does it out of the goodness of his heart) while he ignores his state affairs in the morning, suggesting that war is good for the economy. (This is all from the text I’ve read since the 5th.)
I belong to several online groups about it, and also listen to a class on the daf of the day as well, to help explain the text, but still — there are so many approaches out there. From the shouty guy I was listening to last night going on and on about the demons and how real they are (orthodox) to the woman who teaches the class I listen to saying that demons are actually “anxiety and fears” and it’s talking about psychology — and that the cat thing is weird, we’ll just cover that quickly and move on to the next paragraph.
I just — 7 and a half years of this? I’m not sure I can do it and justify spending over $1500 on books, if this is where we start. I was expecting, I don’t know — wisdom and logic and a history of how and why we do the things we do — and instead I got demons and cat placenta recipes. All the things I was told as an orthodox person about how meaningful it all is and how satisfying it is to learn and really *understand* the nature of the world and our place in it, how it would answer my doubts and questions — are they just lies? There is no logic to cat placenta in the eyeballs. There are no demons rubbing against Torah scholars ruining their clothes. My feet don’t hurt because of demons. And I don’t have any cat placenta lying around.
So a reminder, I’m in Metarie this week at shul for Shabbos, so I may be a bit late coming in to “host” depending on what time the gathering at the rabbi’s house is over and we do the havdalah ceremony to mark the end of Shabbos, and I can get on the computer after that.
So that’s my fucking problem — what’s yours?