For the duration of the Senate Impeachment Trial of Donald Trump, it has been decided by new Senate rules to sequester the entire US Senate.
Sequestration will commence Tuesday afternoon after the opening of the trial earlier in the day, when the entire US Senate will be transported to Trump Towers South in Washington, DC.
US Attorney General William Barr has suggested TT South as being the “perfect” central location best suited for the job. Barr said, “This move is not without precedence – many trials proceed along these guidelines as a matter of routine to limit exposure to outside news and events to assure objectivity in the deliberative process.”
During sequestration, absolutely no TV or Internet will be permitted (except for stock market perusal and transactions). Only Fox News will be aired for brief periods for the Hannity Report.
Senator Doug Collins is quoted as saying, “We want our Senators to be able to make a clear decision to acquit without the atmosphere being clouded by evidentiary facts.”
The fleet of Mercedes Benz buses will be transporting the 100 Senators, their families, and up to 3 pets per family from the Senate courtroom to Trump Towers South (TTS), described by the president himself as “the most fitting destination for our country’s elite law making body – this is NOT the Congress we are talking about, people!”
On a cynical note, some Democrats have complained that not only will this process be extremely costly to the American taxpayer, but that this entire sequestration process is intended to isolate the Senate jurors from the constant barrage of daily, ongoing news reports of further evidence to support impeachment.
But, “Sour grapes”, says Senator Lyndsey Graham. “We already have enough evidence – most of us have already made up our minds anyway – anymore evidence can only confuse the issue! It is time to close the doors and get on with this sham!”
The one sticking point – the COST of transporting, housing, feeding, and providing security to 100 Senate jurors, many of whom are millionaires and therefore obviously have “special needs” regarding comfortable accommodation.
And since the COST of these impeachment proceedings has been frequently pointed by many responsible Republicans as being “entirely too wasteful” to justify its existence anyway, it could understandably cause one to balk at the outlay of the estimated $100 million extra cost just for the planned sequestration.
However, in a patriotic blast from Mitch McConnell himself, came the demand to “do the right thing”, and sequester all Senators until the conclusion of the impeachment process. This powerful statement of conscience from one of the most frugal members of the US Senate gives this writer confidence in our elected body to show courageous vigilance in the pursuit of justice in our country.
WHAT WILL THIS SEQUESTRATION LOOK LIKE?
Every morning will kick off at TTS with a new Meat Loaf version of the Star Spangled Banner while our dutiful Senator / jurors can partake of the world-famous TTS complimentary breakfast of one pancake, one egg, one slice of bacon or one signature mini pork sausage and one bottomless cup of coffee – juice is extra – from the Trump “Gotta Stay Lean and Mean” breakfast menu.
After the long 4 hour work day, the tired residents will return to TTS for a well deserved rest.
Isolation from the outside world, however, will be rigidly enforced.
But will there be any night life? You can betcha there will be!
Throughout the late afternoon and evening one will find a wide menu of music, food, and intra-group socializing. Expect some hard-rocking as live Ted Nugent nails some of his #1, well – arguably memorable - works, and if he can be coaxed to break out his saxophone, there will be some soulful jazz interpretations from Mitch “Bluesman” McConnell echoing throughout the gilded hallways of TTS.
Topping it all off, will be dancing through the night to the crooning of Vince Vaughn and possibly even some comedy routines (or two!) by the likes of Dennis Miller and the inimitable Kidd Rock himself.
“Hey, with the US Government covering the tab here, this will be more fun than camping - and a LOT CHEAPER”, quipped the fast witted Devin Nunes.
All in all, this whole sequestration thing may just add up to many wonderful memories for all who attend.