Death and Taxes: the two inescapable fates (i guess we should add “tRump is lying” to that list). For decades, the media has prepared for death by keeping eulogies on hand for all public figures. Other organizations have taken up that pursuit.
In this brave new(ish) world of alternative facts and 24/7 propaganda, leaders at both the Committee Organizing Wandering Armies of Republican Dissension Suppressors and the Traveling Republican Army Insisting on Total Obedience to Republican Sophistry have made their desire for deceptive obituaries, eulogies and headstone inscriptions into a cottage industry dedicated to fluffing their members on their road to the afterlife.
Here at the BeeD And NNNE Joint Operations Taskforce Eulogizing And Memorializing Mediocre Unconvincing Sadistic Incompetent Conmen™ we are unwilling to cede the responsibility of chronicling blessed republican events to purveyors of dishonest puffery. Our aim is to bring truth to the not so dearly departed. We shall be pre-eulogizing many of the players in the republican pantheon so that they can understand their likely legacies before they are gone.
Today’s Departee: Steven Mnuchin1
Mnuchin Obituary — After years of trying to make it with his one true love — money, Steven Terner Mnuchin, passed away, apparently while trying to mount the press used for printing US $100 bills. A coroner’s inquest determined that Mr. Mnuchin probably died of strangulation when his necktie was caught between two rollers on a printing press at the Bureau of Engraving. Conducting the autopsy was challenging because of the pancaked nature of Mr. Mnuchin’s remains. According to police and Secret Service sources, he was alone at the time of the incident. Bureau employees were aware that Secretary Mnuchin was in the habit of visiting the presses by himself during printing runs. It was a running scandal that after each of his visits several series of bills had to be destroyed due to adulteration of the print run by an unknown viscous substance. It does look like Mr. Mnuchin will be taking it with him as several dozen sheets of $100 bills contaminated by Mnuchin’s travels through the rollers have been folded up and placed in his coffin (as has Mr. Mnuchin). There is some forlorn hope that this is what tRump was referring to when he said, “The press is the enemy of the people.” Mnuchin is survived by his clueless gold digger of a wife, Louise Linton.
Mnuchin Eulogy — by Robert Reich
The only thing Mnuchin respected was money and its accumulation. It’s a great pity he knew so little about it. Aside from the maintenance costs of his trophy wife, Mnuchin never advocated for spending on infrastructure or any policy reflecting sustainable economic growth. His career before government consisted of orchestrating the asset stripping of Sears and K-Mart as well as several questionable foreclosures at OneWest Bank (nee IndyMac). He worshiped the dollar and that led to his fatal attempt to make money the old fashioned way — by getting it pregnant. He will not be missed.
Mnuchin Eulogy — by Louise Linton
Thank goodness he kicked while I’m still young enough to snag another rich guy.
Mnuchin Eulogy — by Donald tRump
Steven Who? I may have met him once or twice. I think he used to get me coffee. Sad.
Epitaph — Another Sinner Defeated by Greed
1This pre-eulogy for Stephen Mnuchin is not either a call for violence or a wish for his demise. Such thoughts do not belong here. Any high-minded high-roader who finds this topic offensive is invited to sample the pie available in the poll and go away satiated.
2thanks held Sunday services for the herd today: Joy is a necessary act of resistance. ☼ Who Won The Week? ☼ Gnuville Map ☼ Sunday Good News Roundup
oldhippiedude’s tweetapalooza is a bright spot every Sunday: Tweets Of The Week Jan 19-25 2020