Donald tRump is an award winning president. Over the past half-dozen years he has gathered several mantles worth of accolades from award bestowing organizations all over the world.
Already this year, in an outcome that surprised no one, Donald tRump has won the Biggest Horse’s Ass of the Year for 2020. This marks his 6th consecutive selection for this award, breaking his tie with Newt Gingrich. Normally the committee waits until December to pick its winner, but none of the voters saw any point in waiting. After last year’s landslide double win for both the year 2019 and for the full decade, all the other horse’s asses are either just mailing it in or imitating tRump’s all-ass-all-the-time style. No one besides tRump even received a first place vote. Voters for this award are made up of equestrian experts, manure collectors, pundits with questionable credentials and, new this year, frontline healthcare workers from all fifty states and Puerto Rico.
tRump has moved to the absolute top off the horse’s ass heap, bypassing previous multiple winners: Ronald Reagan, George Bush (the shrub), Dick Cheney, Ken Starr, Rupert Murdoch, Charles and David Koch, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan and Sarah Palin.
Worthless road apples, Usay, Uday and Ivanka celebrated their father’s victory by teasing some children in cages, until Dr. Fauci explained that being a horse’s ass was not actually an accomplishment. They have since taken to Fox and twitter to accuse democrats of another deep state conspiracy to demonize horse’s asses and illegally sell them from the basement of a taco truck in Flushing, Queens.
In the past few months tRump has won several dozen other awards. Of special note is the newly created Worst Responder prize, awarded by America’s first responders to the person least likely to have your back in an emergency. Spokeshero, Rock Hardabs, put it this way, “If we waited around for tRump to do something, we’d all be dead. The best thing he could do to help combat the COVID-19 crisis is to resign and take Pence with him. Lazy, cowardly and stupid are not the qualities we need from our leaders.”
Other awards tRump has received recently:
- Most Dickish from the Cheney Trust
- Biggest Liar from every fact checking organization everywhere
- Most Odious Human from the Planet
- Slimiest Swamp Dweller from the Washington DC Graft Council
- Most Obvious Criminal from the FBI Most Wanted List Makers
- Emptiest Soul from the American Council of Churches
- Worst President from the Presidential History Society
- Best Agent of Chaos Evah by the Illuminati
- Most Likely to Embarrass the Country from the Foreign Service Employees Union
- Least Likely to Get Reelected from thinking people everywhere
- The Russian Medal of Collusion from Vladimir Putin
- Worst Hair from the American Barbers Society
- Worst Use of a Rodent by the ASPCA (see previous entry)
- Best Raccoon Eyes by the Organization of American Cartoonists
- Worst Case of Verbal Flatulence by the Society to Prevent Halitosis
- Our Hero by the American Society of Bullies and Creeps
We are currently at work on a new award to give him here at the NNNE American Society To Yell And Squelch Shitheels™. Your help would be greatly appreciated.
oldhippiedude brought us a GNR from deep in the heart of Texas, and we thank him for it: Good News Roundup April 16 2020
Mokurai is back today with: Renewable Thursday: Real Money in Grid Frequency Stabilization with Battery Storage