Morning Open Thread is a daily, copyrighted post, from a host of editors and guest writers. We support our community, invite and share ideas, and encourage thoughtful, respectful dialogue in an open forum.
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Pull up a chair, get your cup of tea, coffee, or other favorite morning beverage and join us for a neighborly start to the day ahead.
I got another neat list sent by my aviator friend, Jerome in Missouri. He is keeping track of the days in quarantine. Here is his latest offering:
1. Monday is the National Homeschool Tornado Drill. Lock your kids in the basement until you give the all clear. You’re welcome!
2. I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.
3. 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.
4. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
5. You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people homeschooled by day drinkers.
6. This virus has done what no woman had been able to do…cancel all sports, shut down all bars, and keep men at home!!!
7. Do not call the police on suspicious people in your neighborhood! Those are your neighbors without makeup and hair extensions!
8. Since we can’t eat out, now’s the perfect time to eat better, get fit, and stay healthy. We’re quarantined! Who are we trying to impress? We have snacks, we have sweatpants – I say we use them!
9. Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”
10. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???
11. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6 foot pole,” would become a national policy, but here we are!
12. Me: “Alexa, what’s the weather this weekend?”
Alexa: “It doesn’t matter – you’re not going anywhere. Can everyone please just follow the government instructions so we can knock out this coronavirus and be done?! I feel like a kindergartner who keeps losing more recess time because one or two kids can’t follow directions.”
13. I swear my fridge just said, “What the hell do you want now?”
14. When this is over…what meeting do I attend first…Weight Watchers or AA?
15. Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides
16. A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to fill out a deposit and sign her check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says:
“Well, that’s great…that’s just great...some asshole’s got my pen.
A restaurant owner in a certain southwestern state has way too much time on his/her hands.
Caveat: Do NOT watch this video while eating or drinking. Management is not responsible for cleaning or replacing monitors and keyboards.
Sunday Lagniappe for Social Distancing during quarantine:
Reverend Peyton’s solo blues version of the Scottish classic, “Auld Lang Syne” on his 1934 National Trojan resonator.
The Rev. also has a 1930 National Triolian guitar. You too can have one for a measly $4,000 or so...if you can find one for sale.
Here is an old hymn for Sunday morning. “Nearer My God To Thee” seems appropriate considering the RMS Titanic sank 108 years ago this month.
This is an open thread. We have stories, tall tales, weather reports, critter reports, music, and companionship to spare.
Grab your favorite morning cup of cheer and join the discussion.