If Donald Trump wins a second term—and stranger things have happened (Donald Trump winning a first term, for example)—it will be my fault. And yours. And your neighbor’s.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want that hanging over my head, so we have to gird our loins, charge into the fray, and leave everything we have—every ounce of energy and every drop of blood—on the field of battle.
It’s fine to point at Russia, the Comey letter, Hillary Clinton’s decision not to campaign in Wisconsin, media both-sidesism, the Electoral College, and myriad other factors that helped to usher in the Orange Tang Dynasty, but the fault ultimately lies with me. And you. We simply didn’t do enough in 2016. And that can’t—it won’t—happen again.
As Election Day 2016 neared, I felt a soupçon of trepidation, but mostly I was smug. I felt like I’d done all I could. I’d donated to Hillary’s campaign, was active on social media, and told anyone who would listen that it was both a moral and practical imperative that Trump be defeated.
On the evening of Nov. 8, I settled in with a chilled margarita, ready to toast our first woman president. I thought that moment would come early in the evening and the party would linger on through the night. I sat on my couch with bated breath as I waited for Florida to turn blue. If that happened, I figured, it was over, and I could relax.
You know the rest of the story. My margarita gradually morphed into lime pulp and warm backwash—just like my soul—and Donald Trump was president-elect. And then it suddenly occurred to me—if not that night, then soon thereafter: I hadn’t done enough.
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. I’ve been wearing a symbolic hair shirt ever since.
Joe Biden wasn’t my first choice for our nominee, but he is now my favorite candidate of all fucking time, and I will work for him harder than I’ve ever worked for any politician.
To be more precise, I will work for him as hard as I should have worked for Hillary Clinton.
Back in 2016, I had what I thought was a really solid excuse for not doing more. I’m an introvert, so canvassing, phone banking, and generally mixing with other Hillary supporters was way outside my comfort zone.
I remember having a conversation with a friend just a week before the election. Since I’m frequently so socially awkward in person, I assured him that my canvassing or phone-banking for Hillary would be far more likely to tip the election to Trump.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, fuck you, 2016 Aldous J. You are a real dumbfuck, let me just say. I’d like to travel back in time and beat you to death with a hardbound copy of the Mueller report.
So why didn’t I do more? Why am I sitting here beating myself up instead of assuring myself that I did all I could? Because I—undeservedly—sat on my laurels.
I would actually categorize myself as an extreme introvert. My aversion to cold-calling people or knocking on doors could probably be more accurately described as a phobia. Like the kind of phobia others have with respect to snakes, or heights, or even clowns (who somehow become presidents). But my evident discomfort is no excuse for sitting on my hands and allowing a reanimated blobfish skeleton wrapped in Ed Gein lampshades and deep-seated shame to become the leader of the free world. And any discomfort you may have shouldn’t stop you from doing all you can to oust the ocher abomination.
So, again—time to get excited about Joe Biden. Get excited now about this elderly white man who occasionally says some head-scratching things. Because shit’s serious. Granted, it’s been serious for the past three and a half years, but now we’re in the homestretch.
Joe Biden must be our next president. Full stop. No hemming, hawing, or flirting with third-party candidates. The house is on fire. Ideological purity won’t do you much good if you’re already a cinder.
You might not have much money. You might not be an eloquent speaker or a persuasive writer. You might not have a ton of time. (More likely, though, you have a lot more time on your hands than you used to, thanks to Donald Trump’s feckless and flailing COVID-19 response.)
But you can do something to ensure Joe Biden is our next president.
First, get inspired. And do it now. What did it for me? It was Barack Obama’s endorsement video, which is a sincere call to action on behalf of his friend and vice president.
Oh, that’s refreshing, isn’t it? It actually got me jazzed up about Biden’s candidacy. I’m chomping at the bit to help send him to the White House. Would I have been more excited for my preferred candidate? Actually, no. Not at this point, anyway. We go to war with the general we have, not the general we want. And war it is. I would swim through a moat filled with Donald Trump’s flop sweat to vote against four more years of this horror—COVID-19 be damned.
No, Joe Biden isn’t Barack Obama, but much of the distance between the two is bridgeable. The distance between Joe Biden and Donald Trump is totally un-fucking-bridgeable, even with an Einstein-Rosen bridge. (I know that’s an obscure reference, but I like to season my prose with science-y herbs and spices from time to time to make MAGAs wet their pants in abject, addlepated bemusement, just in case any of them are reading this.)
I’ve never thought of myself as an “activist,” per se—perhaps because my blinkered perception has often led me to think of activists as people who scream, shout, and wave signs around. But anyone can be an activist—you don’t have to make a lot of (literal) noise to be heard.
And we all need to raise our voice. Estimates of the percentage of introverts in the population vary—according to Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, somewhere between a third and a half of Americans are introverts. Any way you slice it, introverts represent a significant portion of the electorate, and we can’t afford to stay on the sidelines. Plus, with the novel coronavirus still running rampant, making traditional, extrovert-focused campaign events and outreach methods less prevalent and significant, this could end up being the Year of the Introvert.
So here’s my personal, nine-point plan to help defeat Grampa Rage Diapers and end the era of totally-effed-up hellscapes of Dadaistic dipshittery. Your mileage may vary, but most reluctant activists can follow this same general outline while putting together their own action plan.
AJP’S 9 MALARKEY-FREE STEPS TO A BIDEN VICTORY
1) Keep (or start) writing and blogging. This work is introvert-friendly, and anyone can do it. Letters to editors are apparently still a thing, and can reach older demographics who need to be gently reminded what a big, fat mistake many of them made last time around. There are sites like Daily Kos, and your own social media platforms. In your writing, remind people to vote, get out the vote, donate, and do whatever else they can to put us over the finish line.
2) Join Joe’s Texting Team. I still believe that, for me, cold-calling undecided voters would be counterproductive to the goal of actually getting Biden elected. But I can text! And I will. I’ve already signed up, and I’ll be doing this soon. I live in a safe blue state now, but I’m a Wisconsin native, and nothing would please me more than to help put Wisconsin, which has a long and proud progressive tradition going all the way back to Robert La Follette, back in the Democratic column where it belongs. I can only assume that by texting I’ll reach more young people and fellow introverts, who tend to be allergic to the telephone function on their smartphones. It’s a win-win.
While you’re at it, sign up for Action Center training. It all starts here. It’s where you can “learn how to use our online organizing hub to volunteer virtually for Joe.” Virtual? I’m the king of virtual/online engagement. Daily training sessions are available, so no excuses.
You can also create a Team Joe graphic. Just snap a photo with your device and download the ready-made meme. Let people know on your social media platforms that you’re not just for Biden but proud to show it. And while you’re at JoeBiden.com, check out other ways to help that are within your comfort zone.
3) Don’t forget to donate, no matter how much it is. In the age of COVID-19, fundraising will be tougher for Biden. He can’t shake hands and schmooze, and Trump is taking up most of the media oxygen these days with his corona clown shows, which he broadcasts to a captive audience of millions of Americans. Small donors are more important than ever. Did you get a stimulus check? Even 10 bucks to Joe out of that disbursement would help. Or five bucks. Or one. You’re not going to Starbucks anymore. Donate a latte! (Or the cost of a latte, anyway. Because, you know, donating an actual latte might be kind of messy.)
4) Don’t forget about downballot races! Wouldn’t it be nice if Biden had a Democratic Senate and House to work with? Wouldn’t you like to send Mitch McConnell into early retirement? And if people can get excited about voting for a Democrat in the Senate or House, that means they’ll be there to vote for Joe, too. Go to ActBlue.org, search for a candidate or candidates, and contribute. Easy-peasy.
5) You can text for the Democratic National Committee, too! For example, the DNC recently launched a text campaign in collaboration with the Pennsylvania Democratic Party to encourage people to vote by mail. With the COVID-19 pandemic still hanging over our heads for the foreseeable future, such efforts may be crucial in vote-by-mail states—and as we all know, Pennsylvania is a key battleground state that Trump won in 2016. Click for more info on texting for the DNC. Or check out some of these other text-banking opportunities.
6) Tell your friends to vote! So if you’re an introvert like me, you have only a handful of friends. But you probably have “friends”—i.e., social media acquaintances whom you wouldn’t mind engaging with from afar. Well, there’s an app for that. Vote With Me allows you to locate and motivate friends who might not otherwise vote.
7) Check out sites like Daily Kos, well, daily. This will help you keep your head in the game and inspire you to stay involved. If you’re cooped up inside because you’re an introvert or simply because the coronavirus is still lurking, you may need the inspiration. This guy does a great job every election cycle of rallying people to get out the vote and offering resources for how to do it. Here’s just one example of the yeoman’s work he puts into GOTV efforts.
8) Grab some Joe swag. The Team Joe Store has yard signs, T-shirts, stickers, and buttons available in exchange for a donation. Campaign buttons may seem old-timey, but they’re tried-and-true. Be proud of your efforts to oust the orange horrorshow—and represent. Somewhere I still have an Obama/Biden 2008 button. It’s a nice keepsake, and a reminder of better times. Throwing a few shekels Joe’s way while finding yet another way to promote my candidate is a win-win. And you don’t have to talk to a single soul if you don’t want to. Just let your swag do the talking.
9) Use your imagination! I can’t think of everything, but y’all can. And I’d love to hear more suggestions for introverts—and anyone else—who want to get out the vote for Biden. Add them to the comments, please! Also, don’t be afraid to think outside the box (and with COVID-19 limiting opportunities for outdoors activism, it might also be time to think outside the pox—har har!).
So there you go. Just because you don’t like to cold-call, knock on doors, or march among crowds doesn’t mean you can’t raise your voice.
With the world in the mess it’s in, it might not hurt to get at least a little outside your comfort zone. We’re already frogs inside a kettle of water that’s fixing to boil over. It doesn’t get much more uncomfortable than that. But if we all put in the work, we can turn the burner down and get on with our lives. We all can, and we all must.