I was sitting up in bed, pillow to my back, coffee on the nightstand. It’s one of my favorite ways to spend a lazy morning, reading a book or looking around the internet. With nothing in particular to do. There’s been a lot of that lately; it’s both a blessing and a curse. It’s a privilege to have a morning with nothing on the agenda, but the stress of the situation makes it hard to enjoy it.
Freddie has never stopped enjoying it, of course. Though he’s a little sick of seeing us so much, it seems.
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I had my laptop on my lap, but there wasn’t anything catching my interest. I looked over at Freddie, curled up asleep. “Hey,” I said, poking him gently.
He grabbed hold of his legs and squeezed himself into a tighter ball, burying his face.
“Wake up,” I said, poking him again. I waited to see what he would do.
He did nothing.
I thought about him smelling my face at 5am and reached out and shook him.
He unwound himself and glared at me.
I gave him an innocent look. “Now that you’re awake,” I said.
He glared harder.
“Let’s look at some memes.”
He thought about it. “Okay,” he said grudgingly. He stood and stretched, then took the two steps to my hip and plopped himself down so he could see the screen.
“I like cheese,” he observed.
“Me too,” I said.
“You should go get some.”
“You know, Freddie,” I said, speculatively, “you’re a good boy.”
He laid his head on the corner of the laptop. “That’s true,” he said, agreeable.
“You actually use most of the stuff I bring home for you.”
“You don’t bring enough home,” he said. “You should fix that. Maybe bring home some tuna.”
I laughed. “You get enough tuna,” I said, clicking to the next meme.
He looked at his paws. “I took the wrong tack when you woke me,” he said.
“Haha, no you didn’t,” I said, clicking to the next meme as fast I could.
“That’s you!” I said.
“It’s you too,” he answered. “You’ve been acting even weirder than normal!”
I frowned. “That’s not my fault,” I said.
We both squinted at the picture. “I think it’s a cat,” I said.
“That’s no cat!” Freddie declared.
"I’m a nearsighted crazy cat lady!” I declared. “But that kitty looks too wild for me.”
He frowned at the screen. “He must get some big hairballs!”
"I’m not sure I would like to see that,” I said. “I like the cats, but that’s a little too much.”
“We don’t need more cats,” Freddie agreed.
“I don’t think you saw that movie,” I told him. “But there are some people who say we are living in a simulation.”
“What’s ‘simulation?’” he asked.
“Like a video game. Or maybe like a meme.”
He looked at the computer screen again. “Like in there?”
“Yeah.”
“As long as there’s plenty to eat, and dark places to sleep, I don’t think it matters.”
I thought about it. “I guess you’re right,” I said with a shrug.
We tilted our heads, examining the picture.
“Up,” I said.
“Down,” Freddie said at the same time.
I shook my head. “Look at the curve of his back. This was taken from below.”
“I’ve been on the stairs like that,” he said. “You just walk up them, completely ignoring the opportunity for play. It’s definitely down.”
I giggled.
“It’s not that funny,” he said.
I giggled harder.
He frowned at the meme. “It’s not that funny,” he said again.
My giggle became a full on laugh.
He just frowned at me.
“I d-d-don’t know w-w-why it’s so funny,” I laughed.
He rolled his eyes and looked meaningfully at the screen.
“That’s not how you do it,” Freddie told me with a sniff.
“No?” I asked. “Looks pretty good to me.
“No,” he said, definitively. “You lift your tail and get her to smell your butt.”
“Eww!” I said. “No!”
He gave me a withering look. “How else is she going to know who you are and what you’ve rubbed against if she doesn’t sniff you?” he asked like I was slow.
I shook my head. “Humans don’t do things like that,” I said. “I’m not about to let a near stranger sniff me in intimate places. It’s not done.”
He gave a little shrug and absently licked a paw. “That’s why you struggle,” he said.
“That’s you,” I said, poking him.
He looked up from his paw to examine the meme. “If you just gave me the whole plate there wouldn’t be a problem,” he pointed out.
I snorted.
“Probably forgot the tuna," he said, wisely.
“Ooooh little kittens!” I said.
“They aren’t cuter than me,” he demanded.
“Of course not!” I quickly agreed.
“Hey!” I said. “It’s you!”
He reached out and gently patted the screen. “No, it’s not,” he said, giving it a little pat-pat where the gif was moving.
I opened my mouth to comment when he jumped in. “Just don’t forget to feed me and we don’t have any problems,” he said.
“I know the feeling, cat,” I said, shaking my head.
“Just keep feeding me,” Freddie reminded me again. “Don't worry about the rest of it.”
“Good advice!” I said.
He looked at me questioningly.
“No one thinks I’m crazy because we talk,” I reassured him.
Satisfied, he looked back to the screen.
“Because I never tell them,” I added under my breath.
“Huh?” he asked.
“Huh?” I responded, clicking to the next meme.
“If you put a seashell to your ear,” I explained, “you can hear the ocean.”
“That’s not a seashell,” he pointed out.
“How would you know?” I asked.
“I — I guess I wouldn’t,” he agreed.
I laughed a little. “This sums up human-cat interaction, doesn’t it?” I asked.
“I love you,” he assured me. “I don’t always like you, though.”
I grinned at him. “Because I wake you up?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said. “And you don’t feed me nearly enough. Or bring me home presents every time you go out.”
I nodded. “You’re right; I don’t deserve you.”
He stood and gave a big stretch, the kind that goes all the way to his toes. “Just remember that while I’m napping,” he said, yawning and curling back up.
Happy Caturday, Peeps! I hope everyone is staying safe and wearing a mask if you have to leave your home!