A Rainbow on the Roof
You felt your sanity slipping away? Randy’s latest helps claw it back...
-
We now return you to your regularly-scheduled pleasant, serene infrastructure week activities.
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, May 20, 2020
Note: From the Eyewitness News desk—after intensive treatment with hydroxychloroquine and bleach injections, cure still eludes Republican congressman diagnosed with severe case of Being Born Devin Nunes. Film at 11. Viewer discretion advised.
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til summer: 31
Trump's approval among Americans with a college degree: 35%
Trump's approval among Americans with a high school diploma or less: 63%
Number of cruise workers still trapped on ships: 100,000
Estimated number of American lives saved so far from the lockdowns across the country: 233,000
Percent chance the Trump administration still wants to take a buzz saw to food stamps, according to CBS News: 100%
Rank of Mom, Dad, and Rudy Giuliani among those whom 2002 college graduates said they most wished to emulate, according to Harper's Index: #1, #2, #3
-
Mid-week Rapture Index: 186 (including 3 false Christs and 1 important warning about Eric Trump). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Daddy's home…
-
CHEERS to Republicans in disarray. Look, I don’t have all day to sit around harvesting all the stories about Trump's "warriors" getting caught being corrupt, racist, and/or stupid. I also have to carve out precious time to sit around giving the dog belly rubs, challenging Judge Judy's rulings, and injecting spices into my veins alphabetically to test for their anti-viral properties. (No luck up to nutmeg, but I'm optimistic about oregano.) But here's a small sample of GOP skullduggery that's currently tying the party in knots:
Secretary of State Mike Pompeo begged and pleaded with President Trump to fire State Department Inspector General Steve Linick for being on the cusp of revealing illegal arms sales to Saudi Arabia and, even worse, using taxpayer money to hire a political appointee to walk his dog. Trump obliged, and now the press and Congress are swarming this steaming pile like flies swarming around anti-Christ Trump's face.
Senator Ban Sasse (R-NE) is a funny guy, just ask him! Over the weekend he delivered a virtual commencement speech for the kids that was a "comedy routine" in the same sense that the sinking of the Lusitania was a "synchronized swimming extravaganza." And now everybody—the students, the parents, the teachers, even the western meadowlark which is the state bird—thinks Ben is a tactless jerk. Stick to your day job, Senator. Comedy hates you.
Senator Richard Burr (R-NC) just got RAIDED BY THE FEDS. That two-bit sonuvabitch allegedly used insider information to time a giant stock selloff right before the markets collapsed during the start of the coronavirus pandemic, and now the FBI has his phone and plans to extract the damning information related to the scandal right after they recover from their unexpected run-in with his porn-viewing preferences. (“I’ve never seen anyone do that with a tarball before, have you, Frank?” “Sweet mother of God...”)
And some idiot IT guy from the company Transcard in Chattanooga, Tennessee posted an image of President Obama with a noose around his neck. Or as he's better known now: some *former* idiot IT guy from the company Transcard in Chattanooga, Tennessee.
Thoughts and wedgies to all.
JEERS to same planet, different assholes. It probably won’t surprise you to know that there are also right-wingers in other countries who are unsafely taking to the streets because their shopping addiction has been temporarily suspended over the coronavirus pandemic. And just like here, over in Spain it's a small number of troublemakers making noise on behalf of the rich. And the medical workers are as infuriated with them as we are:
Many health workers have condemned the protests in Madrid, pointing out that photos shared on social media show crowds of people marching together without obeying social distancing measures.
“This act shows utter disrespect for the thousands of dead, for my colleagues who are giving their lives (literally) in medical centers, hospitals and retirement homes,” José Ramón Fernández, a pediatrician in a Cartagena hospital, wrote on Twitter, per HuffPost Spain.
“It is deeply unpatriotic, despite the fact they think patriotism is taking the flag for a walk,” he said, adding: “There is no scientific evidence at the moment that yelling ‘Viva España’ protects you from coronavirus infection.”
But you know what you don't see out in the streets over there? Goobers dressed up like junkyard Robocops who think patriotism is taking their gun for a walk. Sorry, Spain. No matter how hard you try to be like us, we’re always going to be crazier.
CHEERS to having the courage to be a lover, not a fighter. On this date in 1774, the first Shakers, led by Ann Lee, sailed to America from England. During the Revolution they refused to fight and were jailed, making them our first conscientious objectors. And here I thought they just made nifty furniture.
-
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
-
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
JEERS to the pettiness of the petulant president. Oh noes! The shitbaggiest president in all of Shitbagistan says the best president of our lifetime isn’t allowed to come to the White House for the unveiling of his official portrait, the way all presidents have throughout our history. Yes, Donald J. Trump is so freaking jealous of Barack H. Obama that to actually invite him to his old workplace and say a few nice words about him would be a bridge too far. So we'll just have to wait for President Joe Biden to do the honor in January. In the meantime, though, we'll always have #44's official portrait from the National Gallery, which drives his successor equally crazy. Enjoy:
Trump, meanwhile, recently admitted that he "learned a lot" from Richard Nixon, like, y’know, criming and sweating a lot. But one thing he quickly gave up on was Tricky Dick's late-night conversations with the presidential portraits. Their eyes wouldn’t stop following him around the room and now he’s convinced they’re ghosts are all part of the deep state.
JEERS to moving day in Dixie. Li'l Civil War nugget: on May 20, 1861, the Confederate Congress agreed to pack its bags and move the capital from Montgomery, Alabama to Richmond, Virginia. I believe a similar event would take place 51 years later with the deck chairs on the Titanic.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: May 20, 2010
JEERS to letting all the children in the world down—and hard. Congressman Mark Souder, Republican "family values" advocate yesterday: "I sinned against God, my wife and my family by having a mutual relationship with a part-time member of my staff." Oh, is that what they call schtupping these days? Anyway, you can see the happy couple playfully billing and cooing in a very special video, which I believe is called I'm A Big Fat Liar and I'm Going to Hell. What can ya say, really, when this shit happens? By sticking his nose in my bedroom as an anti-gay thug, he gives me a green light to stick my nose in his. But I won't. My nightmares are bad enough already.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to lording over our domain. In the entire universe of intelligent, common-sense-endowed, freedom-loving, patriotic, thoughtful, compassionate, and hard-working arbiters of justice, democracy, and good taste in the progressive world, guess who rules benevolently from the top of Mount Awesome according to infallible tracking site Feedspot? The purveyors of politics, pooties and pie, that's who:
Liberal Political Blogs List. The Best Liberal Political blogs from thousands of top Liberal Political blogs in our index using search and social metrics. Data will be refreshed once a week.
1. Daily Kos
Daily Kos, a brainchild of blogger Markos Moulitsas, is one of the oldest political blogs on the Web and it is unashamedly liberal. It gets about 25 million hits a month and has thousands of readers commenting every day. Expect a lot of heated discussions here.
Frequency 30 a day.
Facebook fans 1.3 million
Twitter followers 285.5k
This can mean only one thing: after this pandemic goes away, we’re gonna need a bigger fridge in the break room.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"Cheers and Jeers is unmoored from reality. It is deranged and indecent and seem designed to distract from us from this horrific health and economic crisis.”
—Jake Tapper
-