Breaking: Plot to Remove tRump from Office Exposed
Newly filed court papers reveal Donald tRump is fighting an ongoing and sloppily executed conspiracy to destroy Donald tRump’s public reputation dating back at least 40 years.
According to the filing the perpetrators have used Donald tRump’s business, personal, political and sexual relationships to paint him as a man of no ethical or moral standing whatsoever.
tRump is reported to be beside himself with rage that someone is encouraging:
- women he assaulted to share their stories of abuse
- contractors he bilked to show their receipts
- investors he misled to complain about it
- charities he defrauded to open their books
- friends he abandoned to explain his duplicity
- appointees of his administration to leak damaging information to the press
- courts he derided to rule against him
- reporters he continuously belittled to finally stand up to him
- porn stars to reveal his shortcomings
- banks to show proof of his shady money laundering efforts
- democrats and people the world over to mock him
- relatives and friends of people dying from the #tRumPandemic to hold him accountable
- foreign leaders he attempted to extort to come forward
- Vladimir Putin to release the pee-pee tape
- television cameras to constantly reveal his ignorance and overt racism
- Uday, Usay and Ivanka to disown their father
- Twitter to react to his problems with spelling, grammar and coherence
- senators of the republican persuasion to contemplate growing spines after being lied to repeatedly
- wives he betrayed to stay quiet and keep taking the money
- and so on ...
Unnamed administration officials speaking on background have painted a very bleak picture inside the West Wing. One confidential source, who happens to be married to George Conway, told us, “He’s down to only 9 hours of TV watching and 7 hours of tweeting per day. It’s all he’s been able to do. He vowed to sue the person responsible back to the rock age*. He’s got his valets sprinkling crushed Adderall and chloroquine on all his food and is extorting Mitch and Lindsey to lick faster.”
Kayleigh McNinny, tRump’s newest spokesdefender and fresh applicant to replace Melania said, “If it was any other president, this wouldn’t be happening. But it isn’t, so it is and he’s committed to seeing it thrown somewhere else.” She went on to say, “East is west. Up is down. The sun shines out of the President’s ass and I really like it in the morning when we get to do fingerpainting.” When asked for clarification, she screamed, “You are all nasty fake news women” at her reflection and ran outside to hide near the Spicer bush.
This morning Donald John tRump filed a in forma pauperis complaint in the District Court for the District of Columbia. In the complaint Donald John tRump, plaintiff, alleges Donald John tRump, defendant, of recklessly and willfully conspiring to cause Donald John tRump irreparable harm to his reputation by means of introducing severe criminal liability, demonstrating an increasingly diminished capacity, making exceedingly embarrassing statements against the interests of Donald John tRump, general acts of reputational assassination and causing numerous bouts with various social diseases. tRump was represented by Jay Sekulow and Alan Dershowitz, while tRump was represented by Rudy Giuliani and William Barr.
Shortly after the filing, tRump served papers on tRump while watching reruns of Hannity praising tRump’s handling of the tRumPandemic. Donald immediately tried to have the subpoena quashed, while Donald vowed not to give in and promised to take the case to the Supreme Court (sometime after November). During the altercation, Donald called Donald a liddle crybaby and Donald retorted that Donald was a fake president. This led to blows being exchanged and Donald had to be separated by his lawyers. After a massive dose of sedatives from Doctor “Whatever he wants” Conley, tRump settled down and reverted to successively trying to blame Obama, Hilary, Nancy, Joe, China, Adam Schiff and Rosie O’Donnell for his predicament.
We have been unable to substantiate the rumor that Conley is going to prescribe a Thorazine/Thalidomide intravenous cocktail as soon as the results of tRump’s pregnancy test are deciphered. Ronny Jackson has supposedly been called in from his congressional run in Texas to consult.
*We think he probably tried to refer to the stone age, but may have been longing for the 1950’s as well.
tRump likes memes because with him everything, “is about me(me).”
Eleven days into the readership drive and we are stalled on two memes created so far. WYgalinCali and RunawayRose have already stepped up for the cause (and are now the proud(?) owners of their very own personalized memes). If you spread the word and your spreadee announces themselves in the comments, you too will become eligible to receive your very own very special noprize of a meme of your very own. So, for goodness sake, get out there and start proselytizing (or pimping, if you are of an irreligious bent). My voracious appetite for accolades demands it.
arhpdx always manages to put out a roundup that makes me want to go back and rewrite the one I did the day before. It’s her superpower. Today was no different: Good News Roundup for May 20, 2020
Yosef52 is back!: Well, I Can't Get People to Pay Much Attention to This, But I'll Keep Doing It.