Pressley and I went out for a long walk this morning. When we returned, I found an envelop containing this Whitepaper on a new republican grass roots initiative to be managed from the top down.
Planning for Unrest
by Stephen Miller and Jared Kushner
Because the lying fake news media won’t leave our glorious president alone to continue to successfully manage our A+ rated response to the fake hoax Chinese Deep State Obama virus, we are going to need you to get off your couches and take a break from watching reruns of Dukes of Hazard. We need you to get out your assault weapons and work on intimidating those nasty libtard nurses and doctors going around lying about our superduper testing program and completely full mask supply.
Remember owning the libs is more important than your own lives. If you get sick, it’s your own fault, you shouldn’t have let those Asian disease carriers stay in your communities.
We were just speaking with President tRump and he told us, “Masks are for wussies and libtards. Real Americans don’t need them. You should go to church and then the firing range. People are telling me that people are saying the the virus will run away if it hears gunfire. The China virus is just another liberal snowflake, that will fold up and run away if you threaten it, just like all those fake news reporters did when I owned them the other day. Hey, aren’t my ratings great. Wow. I did better than the Family Feud reruns.”
Today’s patriotic republicans need to get out to the streets and start practicing social irresponsibility so we can prove everything you hear, see, smell, touch and taste is a Deep State conspiracy to control your minds and turn you into Nancybots. We know this whole virus hoax was cooked up by Lieutenant Colonel Vindman, ex-Ambassador Yovanovich, Barach Obama, Hilary Clinton, the whistleblower and that traitor Jeff Sessions during their monthly meetings in the basement of the Comet Ping Pong pizzeria.
Before we go on to ways for you to practice social irresponsibility, let’s all stop for a moment and recite the revised Pledge of Allegiance.
I pledge allegiance to Donald John tRump,
and to the NDAs on which he insists,
one Nation under tRump,
Totally divisible, with graft and corruption for republicans.
How to Own the Libs
- Never wear a mask. It’s unmanly.
- Claim that the COVID-19 pandemic is a hoax made up by the dems to hurt our president’s reelection effort.
- Claim that the COVID-19 pandemic is a biological weapon released by China to hurt our president’s reelection effort.
- Claim that the COVID-19 pandemic is just a bad case of the flu made up by the fake news media to hurt our president’s reelection effort.
- Claim that the COVID-19 pandemic is over and we’ve won. Insist that keeping our businesses closed is a Deep State plot to hurt our president’s reelection effort.
- Ignore or shout down anyone who dares to notice that your claims about COVID-19 are mutually exclusive.
- Spend lots of time at church services, bars, restaurants, crowded beaches and nursing homes while loudly proclaiming your right to free assembly is being violated. Also, make sure to get your haircut at least twice a week. And don’t forget your mani-pedi, massage and tattoo appointments.
- Offer to punch or shoot anyone who says Donald tRump is not doing a good job.
- If your governor is a Democrat, sneak on the grounds of the Governor’s Mansion and hang him in effigy while loudly screaming about your rights being violated. If your governor is a republican travel to a nearby Democrat state and hang that governor instead.
- Drink plenty of bleach, pop hydroxychloroquine like Pez and stick a UV light up your ass while injecting yourself with insulin so the whole world can see what a great doctor we have in Donald tRump.
Up the Resistance!
Memaliciousness
The readership drive continues. I’ve lost track of the days (it’s eighteen) and I’ve only had to make two memes so far. You can make me work. If you spread the word about Evening Shade and your spreadee announces themselves in the comments, you will become eligible to receive your very, very special noprize of a meme of your very own. All you have to do is jump up and get out there and start carnival barking, cajoling, proselytizing (or pimping, if you are of an irreligious bent). You could even pester and push. Procrastination is not an option — it’s a way of life.
karij soldiered through and brought us a heartfelt GNR today: Sharing good news opens up an incredible power for us to use, Wednesday Good News Roundup.