I am not a poster. I have no social media outside of LinkedIn (if that even counts). I shared an email that I sent over the weekend with my brother and he encouraged me to post. It takes me out of my comfort zone but we all need to get a little uncomfortable in these times. Below is the email:
I woke up yesterday morning and checked out my “kid group chat”. We, like lots of families, have a group chat where we check in on one another, share funny stories, call each other out, and just generally connect. On Saturday the exchange was especially busy with the kids checking in from their various locations about the protest activity going on. The last couple of exchanges got me – I am affected. I am sad. I am mad. I’m helpless. I am trying not to be hopeless. I am damned angry.
I’ve been on a news hiatus since January – I had to take a break. The state of politics and the cultural divide in our country was withering…so I hit the pause button. On Friday someone asked me if I was still on hiatus and I responded “yea, what’s up”. Their response was “It's just been a little more emotionally exhausting to be black lately.” That spurred me to tune in and I learned of George Floyd. The specifics are different but the story is all too familiar.
I watched and I read. I saw the protests in Atlanta, NYC, Louisville, Minneapolis and LA to name a few. COVID-19 stopped a lot. It did not stymy police brutality and did not deter those who object from taking to the streets. At the same time windows were being broken at CNN in Atlanta, there were droves of protesters 3 blocks away in Centennial Park listening to social justice speakers giving inspiring messages. While they received tangential coverage the airwaves were full of the riots and looting perpetrated by the few. This is meant to distract us – don’t be distracted.
Now back to my kid group chat. At 11:05p Saturday Briana (13) sends “Do you guys ever wonder what goes on in the cop’s mind when they do these things”. Janae (20) responds “racism”; Micaiah (21) responds “but I remind myself that when you are programmed to be racist then nothing goes through your mind”; and the next message from Briana got me, she says “All of us should be careful when we’re out especially Micaiah and Charles. This could happen at any time”. Boom…
She’s 13 and she fears for all of us but mostly her brothers. I knew that I did – I’m their mom. As a mother I worry every time they walk out the door; as a mother of black children I worry more because I know that there are different consequences for their actions; and as the mother of young black men I worry tirelessly because I know that in today’s world they carry with them a target. My worry though is not unusual, it’s expected. My aha moment was that I’m not the only one worrying, they all worry and especially for their brothers. We all understand that they could be the next George Floyd, Jordan Davis, Trayvon Martin or Michael Brown.
Back to the chat - and then Micaiah responds with a TikTok that has a young black man sharing the following: “Don’t put your hands in your pockets; Don’t put your hoodie on; Don’t be outside with no shirt on; Check in with your people it don’t matter even if you’re down the street; Don’t be out too late; Don’t touch anything you’re not buying; Never leave the store without a receipt or a bag even if it’s just a pack of gum; Never make it look like there’s an altercation between you and someone else; Never leave the house without your id; Don’t drive with a wifebeater on; Don’t drive with a doo rag on; Don’t go out in public with either; Don’t ride with the music too loud; Don’t stare at a caucasian woman; If a cop stops you randomly and starts questioning you don’t talk back just compromise; If you ever get pulled over put your hands on the dashboard and ask if you can get our your license and registration.” Yes, my boys have a different set of rules so that they don’t appear threatening. What a burden to bare.
And then my boy says to his sister “I will be safe Bri”. She answers “You better”.
Her saying you better can make him more mindful of taking care but being careful just isn’t enough anymore. I was affected. I am helpless to protect. I am helpless to save. This is the world in which my children live. It has to change.
I can be helpless and hopeless or I can make a concerted effort to affect change. I choose the latter. This is not a Minneapolis problem or a Black community problem, this is OUR problem and we can solve it. With that in mind, I’m reaching out to some of my tribe, my community, to underscore that change begins with us. We can all commit to change in our worlds. Are you up for it?
Talk to your children, your neighbors, your co-workers about what part we can all play in making this the last time we societally have this conversation. Be bold, be vocal, be present, vote (locally and nationally). Silence is acceptance. This is not the time for silence. Please no more silence, we can’t afford it. Begin your conversations today and keep talking…keep acting…keep being bold.
I think I’ll go give Bri a hug and then we’ll talk. And I too will keep talking.
Peace