Energize An Ally Tuesday
This week we cede this space to Senator Chris Murphy and his inquisitive mind:
I’m in. Donate here. Follow Rev. Warnock on Twitter here and evil Facebook here.
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, June 2, 2020
Note: If you're a fan of the countless notes film composer John Williams (Amistad, Star Wars, Schindler's List) has put down on paper, heads up: he's being interviewed this evening (6PT/9ET) by L.A. Philharmonic music director Gustavo Dudamel—both from their respective shelters-in-place—on KUSC radio. Details and livestream button thingy here. Intriguing thought: was John’s theme for Jaws originally written for bagpipes and penny whistle? The answer may shock you.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Hug Your Cat Day: 2
Current Biden-Trump matchup among registered voters, per The Washington Post-ABC News polling (versus 49-47 two months ago): 53% - 43%
Percent in the same poll who want states to make it easier to vote by mail: 65%
Percent of Americans polled by CBS News who believe the economy will get better and worse, respectively, in the next few months: 36%, 36%
Estimated number of Black Lives Matter protesters who turned out in downtown Portland, Maine yesterday: 1,000
Age of AIDS activist Larry Kramer and environmental artist Christo when they died last week: 84
Percent chance that the blue sequined dinosaur the Crew Dragon astronauts took up the Space Station with them is named Tremor: 100%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: See spots play. Play, spots, play.
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CHEERS and JEERS to a portrait in contrasts. Over the weekend we got a little peek into the souls of President Trump and Vice President (as if it needs to be said, not Trump's) Joe Biden. Being the Pulitzer-snubbed columnist you've come to rely on, I've helpfully placed their actions side by side. See if you can spot the differences:
Trump: A condolence phone call from President Donald Trump ended up frustrating George Floyd’s brother, who said Trump “didn’t give [me] the opportunity to even speak.”
Biden: "The vice president, I loved his conversation. He talked to me for like ten, fifteen minutes. And I was trying to talk his ear off because he was talking to me constantly. Great conversation.”
Trump: Hid in his White House bunker (literally), shut off the lights, and madly tweeted about siccing dogs and U.S. troops on the citizens in his care.
Biden: Ventured out to meet with protesters in Delaware and offer words of hope and encouragement.
One other difference: Biden smells like Old Spice. Trump smells like sulfur. We report, you decide.
CHEERS to pokin' a finger in Jefferson Davis, Jr.'s eye. The first thing I wrote (on twitter) that November night in 2016 when Trump snagged enough states to give him an electoral college victory was: "I feel like the south just won the Civil War." For the last three-and-a-half years, he and the Republican party have tried mightily to prove me right. And here we are, five months before Election Day 2020, and the Never Trumpers at the Lincoln Project have unveiled an ad that should run for the duration because it asks, with all the subtlety of Sherman’s March, the fundamental question we face as a country: America or Trump? Brilliant stuff...
In related news, I've re-jiggered the items on my bucket list. Now penciled-in at the top: ‘Watch President Biden take oath of office on the steps of Appomattox Court House.”
JEERS to addictive additions. Thirty-four years ago today, The R.J. Reynolds Company (motto: "If it's something you can inhale, we'll take it to retail") proposed a major merger with Nabisco that would create a $4.9 billion conglomerate of food and tobacco products. Which probably explains why 33 years and nine months ago I had to resort to the nicotine patch to wean myself off a sudden addiction to Fig Newtons.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to a pandemic of dumb. Meanwhile in Texas, where tumbleweeds have a higher IQ than most of the state legislature (look it up), things are re-opening with a hearty "yee-haw" and a flying middle finger to the shrinking violets choosing to listen to the health experts:
Mask-wearing customers have been banned from entering a bar in Texas amid the coronavirus pandemic, local news outlets reported this week.
A sign posted outside the Liberty Tree Tavern in Elgin, 25 miles east of Austin, reads: Due to our concern for our customers, if they FEEL (not think), that they need to wear a mask, they should stay home until they FEEL that it’s safe to be in public without one. Sorry, No Mask Allowed. Kevin Smith, the bar’s co-owner, said the anti-mask rule was “a pushback against the wannabe snitch patrols and the contact tracers they’re gonna hire.”
Besides that, leaving your mask hanging from a nail outside the swingin' doors is just common sense. After all, patrons who choose to imbibe at that bar need something to put their brain in before they go inside.
CHEERS to time savers. 109 years ago today, the newly-invented washer/dryer combo went on sale for the first time. Followed a few hours later by the first teenagers to totally ignore it.
JEERS to turbulent times ahead. Here we go again. heads-up, all you gulf- and east-coasters, because the 2020 hurricane season is now underway. Unfortunately, the NOAA forecast suggests it might be a juicy one:
The outlook predicts a 60% chance of an above-normal season, a 30% chance of a near-normal season and only a 10% chance of a below-normal season. The Atlantic hurricane season runs from June 1 through November 30.
NOAA’s Climate Prediction Center is forecasting a likely range of 13 to 19 named storms (winds of 39 mph or higher), of which 6 to 10 could become hurricanes (winds of 74 mph or higher), including 3 to 6 major hurricanes (category 3, 4 or 5; with winds of 111 mph or higher). NOAA provides these ranges with a 70% confidence. An average hurricane season produces 12 named storms, of which 6 become hurricanes, including 3 major hurricanes.
We already have our first and second named storms, Arthur and Bertha, behind us. And as a reminder, here are the remaining names associated with the Hurricane Class of 2020 in an easy-to-remember format I’ve created exclusively for C&J readers:
Cristobal's Crystal Ball, Dolly Parton, Chef Edouardo Jordan, Fay Wray, Gonzalo from Shakespeare's The Tempest, Hanna Montana, Spanish footballer Isaias Sanchez, Suffragist Josephine Butler, Kyle from South Park, Laura Clawson, Little Marco, my grandma Nana, Ilhan Omar, Paulette Goddard, Walk Away Rene, Sally Field, Teddy Kennedy, Vicki Lawrence, Wilfred Brimley
If the last two letters of the alphabet are needed, NOAA will use the usual "You've Gotta Be Shitting Me, Another One???" and "Zombie Hurricane Season from Hell.”
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Ten years ago in C&J: June 2, 2010
CHEERS to #2. While President Obama's Memorial Day speech got rained out in Illinois, Vice President Joe Biden stepped up to the lectern at Arlington National Cemetery yesterday and spoke so eloquently that by the end you could hear a pin drop a pin. There was a bit of a phony media/GOP-generated kerfuffle late last week over the fact that Obama wouldn’t be there, even though Saint Ronald Reagan skipped a couple appearances and George H.W. Bush skipped them for four straight years with nary a tut-tut. They shoulda saved their breath—Biden gave the best Arlington Memorial Day address I can remember. It was simple, powerful, and bluster-free. Same time next year, Joe? [6/2/20 Update: Same time next year, Joe?]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a guy who classed up the republic. Here's your brain food for the day, courtesy of birthday boy Walt Whitman, who turned 201 over the weekend. With all the bullshit we've endured this week already, enjoy a bit of soothing brain balm as we glide into Tuesday…
“This is what you shall do;
Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.”
No guarantees, Walt. But we’ll give it the ol’ college try.
Now go forth and have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"Humanity needs Cheers and Jeers, and Bill in Portland Maine has provided a much needed kiddie pool."
—George Takei
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