Bonespurs McCrybaby has invited us along on yet another whine tour of the toasted marshmallow masquerading as an imitation brain and gumming up the mostly vacant space between his ears.
People have told him that people are saying he’s a sniveling coward hiding behind Melania’s uncaring scowl. That’s not been sitting well with his entirely fabricated tough boi facade. After recently waddling down to his super-duper ultra-manly hiding bunker, in search of a toilet that wouldn’t cause another repetitive strain injury to his flushing wrist1, he is upset with the way that visit has been reported.
When contacted for comment, Secretary of Defense, Mark Esper, interrupted his attempts to dance on the head of a pinhead2 and explain the DOD’s brand new bunker alert system and announce the request for proposal for the creation of the manliest mobile hiding bunker ever created in the history of man.
Esper told that, using the Susan Collins Fret Level Advisory System as a starting point, Jared and Ivanka got out their construction papers and crayons to help the DOD understand what is now expected of them every time their papa Don feels his manhood is threatened. Ivanka turned out to have surprisingly adequate printing skills.
The two of them have been working non-stop on this for several days now, only leaving the White House to field test their “Storm and occupy a church” response level and to give Jared a chance to personally evict some newly out-of-work residents from his extensive Baltimore vermin-filled housing properties. Ivanka also took some personal time and had her daddy force some businesses to open so she could go on a shopping spree for shoes and purses.
We also learned that Eric Prince is now running a brand new branch of the US Military — the tRump Force. The formal announcement isn’t expected until after the elections are cancelled, but their first deployment was part of the roll out of the “Make Donnie feel secure” protocol.
In other news, tRump continues to beat his chest and brag about what a great whatever he is. He’s also lying more than normal (I didn’t think it was possible either) and raising scapegoating to a level where he has run out of fingers to point with. Everyone that’s not a sitting republican politician or tRump appointee is calling him out. His diaper changers are working overtime.
Donald is also not very happy about this song. We have it on good authority3 that Donald was the model for Sir Robin. The title character’s name was only changed from “Knave Surly Donald” at the last minute because of a threatened lawsuit.
1This is the current explanation as of press time. It is the 18th different explanation so far today. We think this is the most credible deflection so far.
2Yes, he was trying to pound some sense into the pinhead-in-cheat.
3It was a guy we met at a protest who was running around repeating, “By the authority vested in me,” while performing emergency weddings. I didn’t catch his name.
Bonus Material
I would like to take a moment to give a hearfelt shout out to Donald. He is showing a great deal of flexibility to be able to so massively screw up so many things at the same time. It’s amazing.
Up the Resistance!
Memaliciousness
Cut and paste department. This is the regularly scheduled plea for readers. I’ve still only had to make two memes. You have it within your power to make me work. If you spread the word about Evening Shade and your spreadee announces themselves in the comments, you will become eligible to receive your very, very special noprize of a meme of your very own. All you have to do is jump up and get out there and start carnival barking, cajoling, proselytizing (or pimping, if you are of an irreligious bent). You could even pester and push. Procrastination is not an option — it’s a way of life.
arhpdx brought the herd together for another excellent roundup today: Good News Roundup for June 3, 2020: It's On Us