The Late Nighters Weigh In
"My favorite writer is Abraham Lincoln. And he once told a country that had almost destroyed itself over race to strive to finish the work we are in...to bind up the nation's wounds. Yet tragically here we are 155 years later, still struggling to heal that terrible wound. It is taking too goddamn long."
—Conan O'Brien
Continued...
Late Nighters continued
“As a society, we spend more on the systems that punish and devalue black lives than we do on the things that reaffirm and empower black lives and allow people to live lives of safety, decency, and health. We need laws restricting the use of force, demilitarizing police, and investing in nonviolent alternatives to the police. We know these policies can work, we just need leaders who will talk about them and who will talk about the ways we can begin to dismantle the interlocking systems of racism and injustice that perpetuate police violence.”
—Seth Meyers
“Take it upon yourself to be a leader and set an example of the kind of country you want to live in. That might mean going down to a protest or making a donation, or having a tense conversation about race. You're not going to get that from the White House. So we need to step up and provide it ourselves. Because America is officially BYOP: bring your own president.”
—Stephen Colbert
"We need people at the top to be the most accountable, because they are the ones who are basically setting the tone and the tenor for everything that we do as a society. It's the same way we tell parents to set an example for their kids, captains and coaches to set an example for their players, and teachers to set an example for their students. The reason we do that is because we understand in society that if you lead by example, there's a good chance that people will follow that example that you have set. And so if the example law enforcement is setting is that they do not adhere to the laws, then why should the citizens of that society adhere to the laws when, in fact, the law enforcers themselves don't?"
—Trevor Noah
"[The White House] continues to insist [Trump's church stunt] was not a photo op. But let's review the facts here: he walked to the church, he stood in front of the church, never went in the church, never spoke to anyone from the church, didn't examine the damage to the church, held up a Bible upside down, didn’t read from the Bible, didn’t give a speech, posed for photos, and left. I dunno, that sounds like a pretty textbook definition of a photo-op to me. He treated it like taking your kid to see Santa at the mall: 'You got the picture? Okay, let's get the hell outta here.’"
—JimmyKimmel
And now, our feature presentation...
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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, June 5, 2020
Note: Full moon tonight. Get yer butt in the back yard, look up, think of Neil Armstrong, and give it a wink. It's the law.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Lobster Day: 10
Support and opposition, respectively, of the Black Lives Matter movement on August 12, 2017 (the Charlottesville "very fine people" riots), according to the Civiqs tracking poll: 37%, 41%
Support and opposition, respectively, to the Black Lives Matter movement today: 49%, 24%
Jobless claims since the national lockdowns: 42 million
Portion of dentist offices that have reopened across the U.S. for routine care: 2/3
Value of the MaxMara handbag that senior White House adviser Ivanka Trump used to carry the Bible that her dad held up during his botched church photo-op stunt: $1,540
Age of the movie Jaws as of this week: 45
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Visiting Grandma…
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CHEERS to poll dancing. Wheeeee. Five months out from election day and Uncle Joe Biden is clobbering Bunker Boy Trump. Let's take a quick spin around Numbercruncherville for the latest:
WaPost-ABC News: Biden over Trump nationally 53-43
Monmouth: Biden over Trump nationally 52–41
CNN: Biden over trump 51-41
Fox News: Biden over Trump in Ohio by 2, Arizona by 4, and Wisconsin by 9
PPP: Biden over Trump in North Carolina by 4 and Michigan by 6
Betting markets: Biden takes "…his biggest lead over Trump to date in Smarkets, a U.K.-based online gambling platform, as well as Predict It, an online betting platform established by researchers in New Zealand. As recently as last week, Trump was favored to win on both platforms."
And even obnoxious beltway chatterbox Chris Cillizza admits that "Biden, as of right now, has a WHOLE lot of different paths to 270 electoral votes, while Trump has a dwindling number." If it's up to me, my preferred path is the one marked Rout 45.
JEERS to the un-learning curve. States were warned not to re-open too soon. But many of them, especially in red states, were all like, "It's all good, so shut up you so-called 'health people' with your beakers and your lab coats and your clipboards. We'll do what we want." Yeah. Let's see how that's workin’ out:
» On Wednesday, Florida saw its largest number of new cases of the coronavirus since mid-April as the state works to reopen its economy.
» Phase 3 of the plan to reopen Texas comes as the number of new cases of COVID-19 continues to rise.
» In Arkansas on Tuesday, Gov. Asa Hutchinson said there were 375 new positive coronavirus tests, the highest single-day number of new community cases.
» Several southern U.S. states reported sharp increases in COVID-19 infections, with Alabama, South Carolina and Virginia all seeing new cases rise 35% or more in the week ended May 31 compared with the prior week, according to a Reuters analysis.
Overall, the death toll stands at 110,000. But this weekend the president will be tackling the situation by—[checks notes]—beating Covid-19 molecules with a variety of golf clubs at one of his resorts. I swear to god, you could park a B-52 on that man's shoulders.
CHEERS to D-Day. The largest amphibious landing in history, during which—gasp!—American ANTIFA forces invaded Europe to restore representative democracy, happened 76 years ago tomorrow. Six years ago, back when we had a Commander-in-Chief with more than two brain cells to rub together, President Obama flew over to France and delivered a moving tribute to the rapidly-dwindling number of veterans who waded ashore on that horrific yet awe-inspiring day:
Lengthy applause rang out as the U.S. President said he was humbled by the presence of some of those veterans at the ceremony.
"Here, we don't just commemorate victory, as proud of that victory as we are; we don't just honor sacrifice, as grateful as the world is; we come to remember why America and our allies gave so much for the survival of liberty at this moment of maximum peril," Obama said. Their story should remain "seared into the memory of a future world," he said, describing Omaha as "democracy's beachhead."
He said, "It was here, on these shores, that the tide was turned in that common struggle for freedom. What more powerful manifestation of America's commitment to human freedom than the sight of wave after wave of young men boarding those boats to liberate people they'd never met?"
The Atlantic has a fascinating interactive feature that shows you various scenes from D-Day and, with a click of your mouse or a touch of your finger, what they look like now. It's pretty mind-blowing. True fact: to this day, Dick Cheney is still a little confused as to why we went through all the trouble—after all, the intelligence was accurate, the threat was real, and there wasn't any oil there. Crazy.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to eye-rolling moments in history. 90 years ago this week, in 1930, The New York Times took a huge step forward in the civil rights movement. I do believe audible gasps were heard across Manhattan when the editors agreed to start capitalizing the 'N' in"Negro." So to refresh our collective memory:
negro = old, unacceptable usage.
Negro = new, acceptable usage.
And we all lived happily ever after.
CHEERS to checking one promise off your list. Congratulations, President Trump. You finally finished building a wall. Around your own ample ass, you lily-livered coward:
He really should top it off with a dome. I hear Antifa is setting up rotten-egg catapults in Alexandria. (Oops, I’ve said too much.)
CHEERS to home vegetation. A quick spin around the TV schedule for the weekend, starting with Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow, who will try to out-primal-scream each other on MSNBC. PBS NewsHour is airing a special at 9ET called Race Matters: America in Crisis. Then at 10 on HBO's Real Time, Bill Maher social distances with "Killer Mike" Render, intelligence expert Frank Figliuzzi, former RNC chair Michael Steele and Georgetown University professor Rosa Brooks, while Lady Gaga headlines The Graham Norton Show at 11 on BBC America.
New home video releases include the 45th anniversary(!!!) release of Jaws and a bunch of lesser-known but varied releases. Sports encores, from the 2018 Memorial golf tournament to the 2006 French Open classic between Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal dominate the networks during the afternoon, and there's a live IndyCar event (the Genesys 300) tomorrow at 8 on NBC. On 60 Minutes: updates on the Covid-19 pandemic, and a report on the polluted Tijuana River. If you're jonesin' for a Grease sing-along, you got it Sunday at 8:30 on CBS. And John Oliver will have a thing or two to say about stuff Sunday night at 11 on HBO's Last Week Tonight.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ); Retired Admiral James Stavridis; also fresh NBC News-Wall Street Journal polling.
Face the Nation: Houston Mayor Sylvester Turner; Uberfuhrer of the American Gestapo Bill Barr; Condi Rice, the national security adviser who blew off the PDB titled "Bin Laden determined to Strike in America."
CNN's State of the Union: Rep. Karen Bass (D-CA); Colin Powell; Jake tapper catches Ben Carson up on what happened during his six-week nap.
This Week: TBA
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Acting Secretary of Homeland Security for White People Only Chad Wolf; Allianz chief executive adviser Mohamed El-Erian; former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Adm. Mike Mullen.
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: June 5, 2010
CHEERS to whacko wedding bells. Sanctity-of-marriage crusader Rush Limbaugh ("If you want a successful marriage, let your husband do what he wants to do") is getting sanctifitiously married tomorrow for the fourth time—to a woman 26 years younger. They would've tied the knot sooner, but they had to work out a few details. She finally agreed to a pre-nup. He finally agreed that she could keep her blindfold on.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to blowing this popsicle stand. Whenever the shit gets too deep here on the bluish-brown marble, which is like every moment of every day now, I call NASA to see if Mike Pence has colonized the moon yet. Sorry to say the answer is no (but they’re working on it!) so we'll just have to spend our days and nights gazing yonward and dreaming. Here’s a peek at this month’s highlights, including the year’s first lunar and solar eclipses and a visit from comet Lemmon, courtesy of Secrets of the Universe:
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Also: on the 17th you might get a clear glimpse of a Romulan vessel in that miraculous split second between the time they de-cloak to vaporize your neighbor's tool shed and then re-cloak. Have that smart-cam ready and prepare to go viral.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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