Someday in the future (about three minutes after the despicable Orange Albatross drags the republican party on down to perdition with him) a new simile will enter the language. Whenever some lackwit flunky flaps his gums about the various indiscretions of his momentary meal ticket, we’ll say, “They’re leaking like the tRump administration.” It will be a political achievement that takes quite an effort to live down to.
Why all that preamble? Well, it turns out they’ve been leaking again.
Unnamed administration sources are telling us that tRump flew into a full-on vicious purple-faced tRumpertantrum1 last night. Just before dinner, he was bragging about how he was standing up to the socialist lib terrorists over renaming US Army bases. Jared made the mistake of telling him that people were saying all the old dead generals would have laughed at tRump for saying Confederate generals represented a tradition of winning. After the day care staff cleaned him up, tRump raved that the dead generals had to go and instructed Stephen Miller to prepare an executive order renaming all the anti-tRump bases to something more tRump friendly.
A little later, when they sat down to another of those greasy fast food slop trough meals that tRump prefers2, he was looking at Jared like a fly he wanted to separate from its wings. Ivanka decided to stick up for her number two guy and distracted him by mentioning the ship named for McCain’s dad. tRump sprayed partially chewed french fries and Big Mac gristle all over the room and assembled dinner guests before ordering Miller to take care of renaming the ships too. Pence was overheard to remark, “I can’t believe how much food he can cram into that mouth all at once.”
A couple of minutes after the staff had hosed everyone down, Junior piped in with a comment about having seen a post office named after Hillary3. Now, Miller has to add Post Offices to the list of stuff he has to come up with names for. He’s looking at around 800 military bases, 490 ships and 30,825 post offices. Maybe he’ll be too busy to write tRump’s speech on race.
Being industrious we were able to obtain Miller’s working notes for names he plans to use. He’s only done a little bit of work on Army bases so far mostly concentrating on folks tRump already likes:
- Forts Goebbels, Himmler, Adolf (these are Miller’s favorites)
- Forts Stalin, Lenin (Vlad said they had to include these)
- Forts Vlad, Putin Russia (Deripaska said they had to include these)
- Fort Leopold (a king of Belgium who had a solution for unrest that tRump adores)
- Fort Fat Herman (this one is specifically to make Donne feel less self-conscious)
- Fort Genghis
- Fort tRump
- Forts Donald, Ivanka, Junior, Eric, Fred (there is some debate about whether the others should be included, Fort Other Daughter and Fort Grandkids4 are possibilities)
- Fort Little Rocket Man (he’s still hoping to get a deal)
- Forts Hannity, Carlson, Ingraham, Pirro
I wonder if anyone is going to tell them naming stuff isn’t one of the presidential prerogatives?
Military Base naming criteria — Bases, roads and building are supposed to be named based on the following criteria (plus the honoree must be deceased).
From Naming Army Bases
- a national hero of absolute preeminence by virtue of high position,
- an individual who held a position of high and extensive responsibility (Army and above) and whose death was a result of battle wounds,
- an individual who held a position of high and extensive responsibility and whose death was not a result of battle wounds,
- an individual who performed an act of heroism or who held a position of high responsibility and whose death was a result of battle wounds, and
- an individual who performed an act of heroism or who held a position of high responsibility and whose death was not a result of battle wounds.
Navy Ship naming criteria — United States ship naming conventions
Post Office naming criteria — Congress handles this directly, passing laws to name Post Office buildings. In fact, since 2003, naming postal facilities for individuals is become the single most common form of legislation when measured by the number of laws enacted.
1tRumpertantrum — a fit of pique in which an obese loser clenches his tiny fists, stomps his bone spurs, screeches unintelligible curses, all while incontinently peeing himself into a state of elevated lunacy.
2Donald prefers to dine on food that he can eat with his hands. He has trouble with the difference between the fork and the spoon and hates it when people notice. Of course, that presents another problem. tRump has to make sure to order from the kids and junior size menus and claim that he’s sucking down Whoppers when they see the burgers in relation to his hands. He is distraught that he can’t get White Castle™ at the White House.
3Junior had recently attended a testicle festival in Clinton, Montana and noticed the word “Clinton” on the town’s Post Office. We are pretty sure he was in Montana to shoot something and then pose with the corpse for a typical tRump style photo op.
4tRump doesn’t actually know their names or just how many of them exist.
Up the Resistance!
Memaliciousness
Cut and paste department. This is the regularly scheduled plea for readers. I’ve still only had to make two memes. You have it within your power to make me work. If you spread the word about Evening Shade and your spreadee announces themselves in the comments, you will become eligible to receive your very, very special noprize of a meme of your very own. All you have to do is jump up and get out there and start carnival barking, cajoling, proselytizing (or pimping, if you are of an irreligious bent). You could even pester and push. Procrastination is not an option — it’s a way of life.
Mokurai brought us the good news today: Thursday Good News Roundup: Hey, Worrywarts! Obama Never Had Numbers This Good