From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark: Midterm Madness Edition
"Democrats spanked that ass like they were Stormy Daniels!"
---Roy Wood, Jr. on The Daily Show
"Apparently voters responded to the Democrats' call to expand health care more than Trump's core message: 'Latinos are coming to hit you in the face with rocks!'"
---Stephen Colbert
"Despite losing control of the House, our president took a victory lap last night. He called the results ‘very close to a complete victory for Republicans.’ Yes, in the same way the World Series was very close to a complete victory for the Dodgers. Other than games 1, 2, 4 and 5, they crushed it."
---Jimmy Kimmel
"A lot of voters passed amazing ballot initiatives: Idaho, Nebraska and Utah passed Medicaid expansion. Michigan, Colorado and Missouri passed redistricting reforms to prevent gerrymandering. And Arkansas and Missouri passed minimum wage increases! Turns out American voters can be pretty progressive when they get to bypass their politicians."
---Samantha Bee
"In a huge victory, Kim Davis, the Kentucky Clerk who infamously refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, lost her reelection bid. Fun fact: her opponent was a gay wedding cake."
---Seth Meyers
And, lest we forget our big victories in 2017, this is from last November, which is just as applicable this year:
“Last night’s elections filled us with joy! … I don’t want to read too much into this, I just want to always feel the way I do today, seeing a bunch of badass women, people of color, LGBTQ people, immigrants, and young people beat the pants off Trumpy confederate-statue-humping white dudes. And we can! All we have to do is show up!”
---Samantha Bee
And so we did. And so we shall again.
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, November 9, 2018
Note: Me, me, me, me, me, me, it's all about me. This week's 46-hour chemo session (three hours in the chair and then they let me come home with "Billy's Magical Egg Dispenser" filled with chemical goodness for another 43) was better than last week, but now it's catching up to me a bit. So we'll plan on a Monday C&J, but if you don’t see it you'll know I hit a wall. Hopefully not. Cancer is meant to be f*cked by moi, not vice versa. ---Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Thanksgiving: 13
Days 'til the Downtown Pomona Chalk Art Festival: 1!!!
Number of women who won their House races (so far): 98
Number of convicted felons who have paid their dues in Florida who can vote again, thanks to voter approval Tuesday: 1.4 million
Percent chance that education-trashing Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker got beat by a teacher: 100%
Percent of California voters who chose to stick with daylight saving time all year long (but they still need 2/3 approval by the assembly and also Congress): 60%
Number of wind turbines in Maine, spread across 17 locations: 375
Percent of the 2017 power generated by wind last year in Maine: 20%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Haley's annual leaf-raking day portrait. (But it would've been nice if she'da helped us rake some $!#*@!! leaves…)
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CHEERS to more midterm madness! Yesterday's C&J was getting too packed with winners from Tuesday night's blue wave, so we decided to wait a day to dig into some of the ballot measures that either passed or failed to thunderous applause. I know you're in a hurry to get your weekend started, so let's make this a 30 SECOND LIGHTNING ROUND…GO!
Medicaid expansion: Nebraska YES! Idaho YES! Utah YES! Also likely with new Democratic governors in KANSAS and WISCONSIN! And definitely MAINE!
Marijuana laws: Utah YES! Michigan YES!
Republican veto-proof majorities: North Carolina NO MORE! Pennsylvania NO MORE! Michigan NO MORE!
Constitutional amendments in North Carolina: Allow the legislature to stop Governor Roy Cooper from using his authority to expand early voting? NO! Pack the Supreme Court to allow continued gerrymandering and voter suppression? HELL NO!
Minimum wage increases: Missouri YES! Arkansas YES!
Anti-gerrymandering measures: Michigan YES! Colorado YES! Missouri YES!
Florida voter rights: Reestablish voting rights for 1.5 million felons who paid their debt to society? DAMN RIGHT!
Georgia community splitting: A coup staged by wealthy whites to slice the town of Stockbridge in half, creating a new town called "Eagles Landing" as a way to steal the tax base from the poorer black residents: FAILED! And seriously…fuck you, you robber racists.
Bonus result from Texas: All 19 black women running for judge’s seats in Houston: VICTORIOUS!
Ding! 29.999 seconds. Damn, I'm good.
CHEERS to throwing the teabaggers out with the trash. Voters in Maine not only won the governorship and weighty majorities in both the state House and Senate Tuesday, but in doing so they booted some truly awful Republicans. That includes Senator Angus King's drubbing of crazy-eyed Republican challenger and former state senator Eric Brakey, who played Trump's "caravan card" to gin up fear. And this is nice:
Eleven of the 16 Republicans who signed an anti-immigrant “Maine First Pledge” organized by state Rep. Larry Lockman’s Maine First Project also lost on Tuesday, an affiliation first highlighted by The Free Press reporter Andy O’Brien. […]
[One of them, Rep. Paula] Sutton also claimed that rising carbon dioxide levels and global temperatures may be a benefit to mankind, [and] lost her House seat to independent challenger Bill Pluecker. […]
State Rep. Jeff Pierce…lost to Democratic challenger Allison Hepler by 103 votes. In 2015, Rep. Pierce made a post on social media claiming “It’s time to deport all Muslims. It’s them or us! They can not be trusted!”
Six words for when we officially kick these jerks out on December 5th: we're gonna need a bigger dustbin.
CHEERS to knockin' that sucker down. Twenty-nine years ago today, the world witnessed a surreal scene: Berliners hacking away with pickaxes and hammers at that damned wall that had divided their city for decades---a mind-blowing moment that briefly galvanized the planet in celebration. And what sparked it wasn't the pope or the U.N. or even ex-president Saint Ronald Reagan---it was this awkwardly-delivered comment by Politburo member Guenter Schabowski a day earlier:
"Therefore...um...we have decided today...um...to implement a regulation that allows every citizen of the German Democratic Republic...um...to...um...leave East Germany through any of the border crossings," said Schabowski.
He appeared scarcely to believe his own words and we were all dumbfounded. What did he just say? Schabowski was asked when the new rule would take effect. "That comes into effect...according to my information.... immediately, without delay," Schabowski stammered, shuffling through the papers spread in front of him as he sought in vain for more information.
I still link to this must-see Boston Globe photo diary, which documents the jubilation and its aftermath. I had the chance to visit Berlin a couple times in the 70s when I was kid. I had a middle-school knowledge of the post-war history of Berlin, but nothing could prepare me for the contrast I saw in person: vibrant and colorful on the western side…oppressive, gray, boarded-up and barbed-wired on the eastern side. In some ways it reminds me of what this country has become: reality-based, education-oriented and live-and-let-live on the left…authoritarian, trigger-happy, reality-averse and homogenous on the right. But my main point is: Happy reunification anniversary, Germany---let's all drink beer.
CHEERS to black-robed towel-snapping. Once again, bless the courts, especially the good old 9th Circuit. Another defeat for the Trump administration, as an appeals court rules that its grand scheme to destroy the Obama-era program for young immigrants (Dreamers) remains thwarted for now:
Challengers are likely to succeed in their argument that the planned phase-out is illegal, the court ruled.
"We conclude that plaintiffs are likely to succeed on their claim that the rescission of DACA---at least as justified on this record---is arbitrary, capricious, or otherwise not in accordance with law," reads the opinion from Judge Kim McLane Wardlaw, an appointee of President Bill Clinton.
The legality of the program is not at issue in this particular case. Instead, lower courts are examining how the administration made its decision to end DACA.
So that's good news for now. Meanwhile, in not so good court news, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg fell and broke a few ribs Wednesday while thwarting a Kavanaugh-funded Ninja ambush in her chambers. She's already back at home, where she's regaining her strength by going a few rounds with the punching bag and bench-pressing a Studebaker. All of the Ninjas remain in traction.
P.S. More good news! A district judge took away Trump’s permit for the Keystone XL pipeline. Wow---He lost his House majority. He lost his Wall. He lost his Pipeline. But at least he’s still got Eric. (But only because he's been stuck in the White House dumbwaiter for the last six months.)
CHEERS to free choice. On November 10, 1793, France ended the forced worship of God. God immediately responded by renaming two of his cafeteria dishes in Heaven "freedom fries" and "freedom toast." Touchy.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Here's our weekly rundown on a few things that'll pop up on the tube this weekend:
Once Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow update us on the latest election results and the Mueller situation, HBO's Real Time features Bob Woodward, Sarah Silverman, Katty Kay, Cornell Belcher and scumbag Bret Stephens. New home video releases include the smash sequel The Incredibles 2, the charming Christopher Robin, and Spike Lee's BlakKklansman is now available on all home viewing platforms. The NBA schedule is here, the NFL schedule is here (the Patriots will make the Titans wish they’d never picked such a highfalutin’ name for their pathetic little band of ragamuffins HAHAHAHA!!!) and the NHL schedule is here. Liev Schreiber hosts SNL. On 60 Minutes: what dwells 450 stories below the earth’s crust. (Hint: Cadbury cream and lots of it.) Sunday night at 9 on ABC, Robin Roberts sits down with Michelle Obama to talk about life after the White House and her new book Becoming Michelle Obama. And John Oliver, who has never been better, recaps the midterm blue wave on HBO's Last Week Tonight.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Rep. and future chair of the House Intelligence Committee Adam Schiff (D-CA); Sen. Cory Gardner (R-CO); Rep.-elect Lauren Underwood (D) of IL-14 and Rep.-elect Elissa Slotkin (D) of MI-08.
This Week: Rep. and future House Oversight Committee chair Elijah Cummings (D-MD); plus Rep. and soon-to-be House Judiciary Committee chair Jerry Nadler (D-NY).
Face the Nation: Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA); Sens. Ted Cruz (R-TX) and Lindsey Graham (R-SC).
CNN's State of the Union: Rep. and future chair of the House Judiciary Committee Jerry Nadler (D-NY); Sen. Cory Gardner (R-CO); Rep. Cheri Bustos (D-IL).
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Florida Governor Rick Scott gets the Fox News tongue bath treatment regarding the vote count in his senate race, but Bill Nelson does not. Fair and balanced, my ass. No Democrats at all in the wake of the blue wave, but they do find time to squeeze in Kellyanne Conway to display the latest in Ivanka’s jackboot fashions.
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 9, 2008
CHEERS to hobnobbing with the Newspaper of Record. We made The New York Times! We made The New York Times! Wednesday's C&J poll, which asked what kind of dog the Obamas should get, got ink! Check out the 24th paragraph!!!!!
Daily Kos started its own online poll. Of more than 12,000 votes, the choice of "mutt" was winning, with 44 percent; "retriever" was the runner up, with 20 percent, and "terrier" came in at third, with 9 percent.
The final poll results, by the way: out of 25,691 votes, 43 percent voted for a mutt and 20 percent voted for a retriever. Then it's settled---[retriever owner BiPM puts thumb on scale]---they need to get a retriever.
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And just one more...
CHEERS to time-traveling back to WTF World. Every now and then in C&J I make an out-loud mental note to myself not to forget something or other. I can’t imagine how many of these reminders I’ve forgotten, but every so often I stumble on one of them, like this from a November 2010 C&J:
Every once in a blue moon, a "novelty" (for lack of a better word) web site launches, shines brightly, and then gets lost in the ether. So, before I forget---and I will---I'm posting this one for posterity and the proverbial "future reference." Plus, if you haven’t seen it yet, ya gotta!
That site is still functional...and still fun to click over and over and over all over again. Here, have another look at the time capsule that is “What the Fuck Has Obama Done So Far?” It’ll make you feel good. But more important, it’ll flummox the creators when they see a sudden spike in traffic. Once more, for old time’s sake: “Thanks,Obama!”
Have a great weekend. Please send your thoughts to the folks, including Kossacks, in harm’s way out in California. What a tragedy. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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