Granny Diaries / Number 9 in the Series
When I was young my daddy took me to many places.
One day he took me to a used car dealer. Next day he took me to a lawyer. Following day he took me to a bank. Then he took me to an insurance agent. After that, took me to a funeral parlor. Next morning he took me to meet our Congressman. Finally, he took me to a carnival.
After visiting all of them he asked me if I learned anything. I said, no.
Thumping my noggin, he said, You can't Trust a Damn one of them.
So Sayeth the Sage of the Rocking Chair
Gots a Tea Bagger here in the valley. Just one, but she's a hoot an a holler. Edith has always been bit of a woo-woo around here. Wears tea bags stapled around her cowboy hat. Silly waste a good tea, I reckon.
Come early morn'n ask'n for donations to GOP. I'd drive a rail spike through my tongue afore I give spit to them soul-suckers. Dang Republicans. They just be trash and that be say'n it kindly.
As she was going, she slipped in the mud a'side the road and her hat fell in a puddle. That'll keep her busy put'n on dry tea bags. She deserved it, plain and simple.
Kiva likes her, but shouldn't. GOP would outlaw a cats purr if'n they could get aways with it. Yeppers.
Packed fry bread stuffed with egg salad and a jug a cider. Cane walked to Royson's pond to catch crappie to fry for supper. Kiva kitty chased lotsa little critters. She ate left-over liver an slurped canned milk.
Kiva spent darn near a couple'a hands a time with a butterfly on her noggin. Didn't know it. Clueless a times, but she's such a sweetie.
We didn't catch noth'n but sunburn for our trouble. Had a hanker'n for fried crappie. Oh, well. Next time I a'reckon. Gots to make a new cane pole, though. This'n start'n to see it's age. Only lasted forty years. Cheap junk.
Sheriff Sam come by to say that Deputy Mike was coming to sit a'side the road. Bad boys broke outta jail. Head'n this way, he said. I know'd he put Deputy Mike here to watch for 'em. Keep'n me safe too, like they always do. They'll get them bad boys fer sure.
Village be proud a Sam and Mike. Good ol' boys through and through. Yeppers.
When Charlie comes again, I'll ride to the city with him on his motorcycle. Gets me a tattoo high on my shoulder. Small kitty be nice. Asides, this old bag a bones got's to keep up with the youngun's nowadays.
Yep. A tattoo. Kids at the drug store always says hello when I'm there. I'll flash it and say, "Like my Tat?" I think that means tattoo, but don't know fer sure. Kid's will correct me if'n I get it wrong.
I'm a bad granny. Hee, hee.
Got just $50 for my geese. Not enough for the tax revenue man. Get'n harder to save, but gots keep my home long as I can. Don't want a live in that Seniors place in Silver City. Least ways until I can't take care a myself anymore.
Don't need peeper glasses. Hear just fine. Gots to use my cane, but that's noth'n. Have a few good years left in me, I reckon.
I knows they let you have kitties at the place. I just don't wanna go there.
Gonna have a peachy-keno supper. Even if we didn't gets no crappie. Fix'n pig tenderloin sandwiches and sweet corn that Joe brung me. Kiva has enough cat food to last till social security deposit time, so she'll be fine, too.
After supper Kiva and I gonna roll doobies from my stash. She gets the nip. Plants grow'n just fine behind the shed. Sheriff Sam knows they there, but won't do noth'n. His mama uses it too, cause it helps with the pain. It truly do. Can't afford my pills anymore. Damn Republicans, cutt'n everything.
Well, Kiva, ol' girl. Let's have supper, roll the doobie and enjoy the evening on the porch rock'n. I'll point out the star people when it gets dark. That'll be fun to do afore we cuddle in for the night.
Betcha I see the first shoot'n star, Kiva.