Hello, writers.
Recently I looked a piece of fiction that was technically correct. All the sentences were grammatical. There were no spelling errors. But it had all the verve and appeal of a Red Cross manual. The thing was flat, dead, and lifeless. (And no, it wasn’t yours!)
The thing had no voice.
A story is not just a recitation of what happened. It's an opinion about what happened, too. It's an attitude. That's voice.
Voice is the way a story looks at the world. It’s the way the writer—as character, as narrator, as god—talks to you. All stories should have voice, whether they’re written in first person, third person, or (God help us) second person.
Here’s a flat statement of fact:
The bus was scheduled to arrive at 8:30. It arrived at 8:55.
Now, let’s let in the tiniest smidgen of attitude:
The bus was scheduled to arrive at 8:30, but it arrived at 8:55.
A little more attitude:
The bus was scheduled to arrive at 8:30, but it was late.
A little more:
The bus was scheduled to arrive at 8:30, but it was late again.
The bus was scheduled to arrive at 8:30, but it was late as usual.
And yet more:
The bus was due in at 8:30, but it was half an hour late.
The bus was supposed to get there at 8:30. Like that ever happens.
The bus was scheduled to arrive at 8:30, but it arrived at 8:54:27.
The 8:30 bus got in at 8:55—early for a change.
The bus arrived midway through the Obama administration.
You’ll notice that in each of the lines in the last set, there’s a sense of the kind of person that’s stuck waiting for that tardy vehicle. The first person exaggerates their grievances. The second is sarcastic; I’m getting a picture of a high school girl who’s kind of hard to take. The third nurses his grievances, and owns a digital watch that gives the time in seconds. And so forth.
Tonight’s challenge, as you’ve probably guessed, is to inject voice into a bit of writing. Give it some feeling. Give it a way of looking at the world. Make it sound like somebody.
Revise this, for voice:
John Baxter went to his ex-girlfriend’s house. He was angry. He had a gun. He knocked on the door.
The ex-girlfriend’s name was Thania. She answered the door. John took out the gun and pointed it at her. He told her to let him into the house.
She tried to run past him, out of the house. He fired the gun. The bullet missed her. It went into the doorjamb. She kept running quickly. She was scared. She yelled for help. One of the neighbors came outside and saw what was happening. The neighbor went inside and called the police.
(Note: This is not taken from the piece of writing I mentioned earlier. It’s just a made-up thingy.)
As usual, try to stick to one character’s point of view. And, of course, though the above has no dialogue, feel free to put in whatever you want.
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