Oh, goodie. The Arizona Capitol Times is reporting that Governor Jan Brewer's memoir will hit bookstores this fall. For Jan junkies who can't wait, the book is available for pre-order at Amazon ($17.38, or 34% off the $26.99 hardcover price). According to tpcinaz at HuffPo, Amazon reminds us that "readers who bought this book also bought ten feet of rope and a stool."
Brewer is "writing" the book with Jessica Gavora, a DC-based hack who served as speechwriter for AG John Ashcroft. If eagles won't soar, bugs will crawl. Titled Scorpions for Breakfast: My Fight Against Special Interests, Liberal Media, and Cynical Politicos to Secure America's Border, the Governor's 208-page blockbuster will be released November 1 by Broadside Books, a division of HarperCollins whose website says it specializes in "conservative non-fiction writing, spanning the full range of serious right-of-center thought and opinion." I don't know about the "non-fiction" label and I certainly question the "serious" part; check the website and you'll find illuminating titles like
• Primetime Propaganda: The True Hollywood Story of How the Left Took Over Your TV, by Ben Shapiro
• Community Organizing for Conservatives: A Manifesto for Localism in the Tea Party Movement, by Lorie Medina (did she really say "manifesto"?)
• Why Obamacare Is Wrong for America, with a foreword by Rep. Paul Ryan
And lots more, including observant blog comments like this one:
I would like to see the Voices of the Tea Party series publish an e-book that presents a study of just how many of President George W. Bush’s policies are now producing positive results for our nation.
He must have a tiny e-book with absolutely no memory capacity.
Speaking of no memory, Jan Brewer will fit right in there. According to an Arizona Republic story, it seems they already have a great blurb for the book jacket, from none other than kicking man Chuck Norris, who wrote: "America's remedy for securing the borders is three words: Gov. Jan Brewer."
It had to be him or Steven Seagal.
Scorpion Mama
There are lots of things I don't get about the book's title. I don't know why it's "My Fight," when she had an army of screwball aides. In fact, Brewer got dragged into this mess; she was never a leader of the anti-immigrant faction until she was forced to support SB 1070 in order to save her political career.
And I can almost hear Emily Latella ask, "What's all this stuff about listening to a German rock band to start your day? Oh ... never mind." I've lived in Arizona most of my life, I've seen a crap load of scorpions, but I never thought about supplementing my cereal with a dash of Pandinus imperator, unless Mezcal is involved. PR flacks at HarperCollins, many who probably have lots of experience around Arizona critters, explained the title:
"At the center of the [immigration] controversy is the state's Republican governor, Jan Brewer, a woman who has been hailed as a politician so tough she eats 'scorpions for breakfast,'" read the description on HarperCollins' website. Arizona Capitol Times
We've heard Brewer "hailed" a lot of ways, but never as someone who's so "tough" she'll eat a bug. Go ahead Jannie Oakley, as if the rest of the country doesn't already think we're a bunch of bigoted, toothless boobs. Toss back an insect. (They're actually okay to eat, just mulch them well beforehand.)
That's a benchmark for toughness all right. It's right up there with Brewer's far right swing late in her public career, demonstrating cowhide toughness everyday by standing up to children and the less advantaged, while cozying up to corporate Arizona and the craziest elements of the GOP leadership. You know the names and litany of Looney Tune laws: Russell Pearce, Joe Arpaio, Birther Bill, 14th Amendment challenge, Organ Transplants, Official Weapon Bill, SB 1070. We are well aware that other states have been making a bid to out-crazy us, but, please, a little respect: for we are Arizona, Lord of the Idiots.
From this great land of sand strides a nail-spittin', bug-eatin' blonde who gets praised by men on TV who kick butt, sell exercise contraptions, and drive tanks to cockfights. Not so many from the state's educational system are writing Brewer's book blurbs, nor are lovers of Arizona's natural and cultural heritage. I don't notice too many doctors lined up to praise her healthcare program. And it's unlikely you'll see a prize-winning economist listed on the book jacket. No, it'll be a gagfest of the usual Mexican bashers.
Hey Feds ... Up Yours!
One of the things that keeps this place just about halfway sane is Federal law, especially when it comes to land use. Heck, when TR set aside the Grand Canyon in 1908, Arizona's elected officials and the business community went nuts, because the President had saved a huge area from an exploitative market on steroids. Brewer would've been standing shoulder-to-shoulder with the politicians and moneymen. She still is. Along with states-rights cowboys like Senator Pearce, she'd love to tell the Feds to shove it.
They're actually doing that with Brewer's revamped Medicaid program, which ignores key Federal provisions. The legislature even passed a bill this session to create a Nullification Committee so Arizona could tell Washington which, if any, of its laws we'll recognize. In a rare moment of sanity Brewer vetoed the bill, but her middle finger salute to the Feds finds its way into the PR for her bestseller:
"In this sure-to-be headline-making book, Governor Brewer offers an in-depth explanation of the factors behind the law, detailing the scope of the immigration problem and its impact on Arizona, and makes a case for allowing states to override federal authority when necessary." [my emphasis]
Yeah ... "when necessary" (i.e., when there's a Black Democrat in the White House).
Back to the title of this "sure-to-be-headline-making book": Does anyone know what "liberal media" she's talking about? There's always New Times, but they give shit to everyone, especially if you're a jerk. What's happened in the last couple years is that a few in the mainstream media have finally caught up to what New Times and some of the Tucson papers have been saying for a long time: That more than a few of these peckerheads running the show would feel right at home at a National Socialist rally. Pearce's racism and Arpaio's fuck-ups have become too blatant, even for Arizona's milquetoast media to ignore. Brewer probably thinks her meltdown on Public TV, her lies about headless bodies, the economic collapse she's presided over, and her dismantling of healthcare and education are trivial matters the media should disregard, because pointing them out would be "liberal."
I sure as heck don't know what "special interests" she stood up to. I imagine she's referring to the human rights community -- not exactly a group that's donating millions and has lobbyists running all over the Capitol. On the other hand, the prison industry supported SB 1070 because it means more business for jails; the industry donated handsomely to the Governor's 2010 election; the Governor's Deputy Chief of Staff, Paul Senseman, is a former lobbyist for Corrections Corporation of America (his wife is a current lobbyist for CCA); and Chuck Coughlin, the Governor's senior policy advisor, currently lobbies for CCA. There's special interests and there's special special interests.
Save your $27, here's the plot:
A bad black man in DC isn't helping us protect white Arizonans from brown criminals. So we need special laws, and I'm just the gal to do it! Munch, munch, pass the salt.