God speaks to us in mysterious ways. Also He speaks to some of us more often than the rest of ya, but that's a whole different kettle of fish. Today's kettle of fish is a picture of the scoreboard showin' the final scores of each American League baseball game on Sunday:
(please give me a minute to compost myself ... the staggerin' implications of this has got me all a-Twitter!)
You do see God's angry message, don't ya? All seven games ended with one of the teams scorin' exactly five runs! And it wasn't easy -- those awful White Sox had to score three runs in the 10th inning to beat Seattle 5-2. Anyone who thinks that baseball scores just "evolve" during the game as players are throwin' and hittin' the ball should take a long look at that scoreboard. Surely the hand of a vengeful God has created (or "intelligently designed" if ya prefer) this sign for us to delve obsessively into its meaning.
I've been studyin' the ol' Scriptures since Sunday and was surprised to learn two things:
1. I own a book!
2. The ancient Israelites didn't play baseball.
So that didn't help much. Sure, there are numerical signs of the apocalypse, such as the number of the beast being "666" and such, but no mention of "555555555" that I could find. Note that I'm lookin' for a string of nine 5's in a row -- one for each baseball game, one for havin' occurred in the fifth month, and I added another because I ordered a 6-piece Chicken McNuggets at McDonalds that day but only got five.
But then the truth was revealed to me while innocently drivin' down the street (well . . . my driver was the one actually drivin' . . . but that would be yet a third kettle of fish). I saw a giant billboard that says Judgement Day is May 21st -- less than two weeks away! The good folks at JudgementDay2011.com have all the details:
Regardless of belief, you will be judged by God on May 21 2011 to determine if you will be saved by Jesus in the Rapture or left behind during the End Times until the End of The World on October 21 2011. The events on May 21 will shock those who did not believe in the power of God, as family members and friends will be taken to Heaven in an instant by Jesus in the Rapture. The disasters leading up to, and following May 21 will leave humans without security or safety during the End of Days, as the infrastructure we’ve come to know will be destroyed. Natural disasters signifying times of the end have already begun to take shape, and they will only get more violent as May 21 Doomsday nears.
After May 21 2011, Jesus will rule over the earth during the End Times of the Apocalypse, while battling the Devil over control of the Earth. Destruction from Natural and Nuclear disasters will devastate humanity, and anarchy will take over with the End of the World coming. The humans left on Earth during the Apocalypse will experience torment by locusts and wish for death while waiting for the world to end on October 21, 2011.
Locusts! Now THAT is old school!
But now all the 5's in the baseball scores make perfect sense. The 5's are a sign that the 6's are on the on-deck circle. The antichrist (by which I mean Obama ... or possibly Katie Couric) is gettin' warmed up for May 21st and the signs are everywhere. Bin Laden got to leave early ... kinda like pre-boarding an airline flight. Newt is announcin' today that he is runnin' for president. Arnold and Maria are splitting up. Bristol is gettin' her own reality show.
How much more obvious could it be?