I tell you, without undue pride and fully aware of its negative stereotypes and implications, that I was raised to be an intellectual; more, sometimes, perhaps, is the pity. The alphabet soup of degrees after my name would be evidence enough of this even without my penchant in both writing and speech for somewhat rarer (one strains against saying "effete," but I can't say I've never heard the term applied) words; volumes of independent clauses, dependent clauses, parenthetical meanderings (in which I delight); rococo phrasing, strained somewhat for effects sometimes humorous, sometimes poetic, sometimes disturbing, sometimes challenging, sometimes inexplicable; and then, of course, are my allusions -- oh, I cannot give up my allusions! -- and puns.
That's not how political speeches should go.
Simple declarative sentences are what one needs. No, scratch that: "One needs simple declarative sentences." Desperately.
Here is a Labor Day speech of Obama's that has been celebrated today on this very site.
Last year, we worked together, Republicans and Democrats, to pass a payroll tax cut. And because of that, this year the average family has an extra $1,000 in their pocket because of it. But that’s going to expire in a few months if we don’t come together to extend it. And I think putting money back in the pockets of working families is the best way to get demand rising, because that then means business is hiring, and that means the government -- that means that the economy is growing. (Applause.)
So I’m going to propose ways to put America back to work that both parties can agree to, because I still believe both parties can work together to solve our problems. And given the urgency of this moment, given the hardship that many people are facing, folks have got to get together.
But we’re not going to wait for them. We’re going to see if we’ve got some straight shooters in Congress. We’re going to see if congressional Republicans will put country before party. We’ll give them a plan, and then we’ll say, do you want to create jobs? Then put our construction workers back to work rebuilding America. Do you want to help our companies succeed? Open up new markets for them to sell their products. You want -- you say you’re the party of tax cuts? Well then, prove you’ll fight just as hard for tax cuts for middle-class families as you do for oil companies and the most affluent Americans. Show us what you got.
John Kerry used to do this in 2004. Al Gore did it in 2000. It makes me bleed out of my ears.
I did an off-the-cuff rewrite of Obama's remarks in a comment to a post that, apparently, everyone had already left. My first draft:
Last year, we Democrats got Republicans to work with us pass a payroll tax cut. That put an extra $1,000 in working family's pockets. That tax cut will expire in a few months. We Democrats want to extend it. We know that this is how to increase consumer demand, rebuild the economy. The Republicans are dragging their heels. I don't know if they just don't like workers having more money or if they don't want the economy to improve until after the election, but they are dragging their heels. Tell them -- tell them -- that this has got to stop. Let's put money back into people's pockets. Let's build our economy.
I will propose ways to put America back to work. Democrats will agree to them. Republicans should agree to them -- but you, the American people, may have to make them. They are counting on your confusion, on your eyes glazing over when people talk about economics. But you show them that you are paying attention, that you will blame those who are obstacles to rebuilding the economy, and they'll come around. They'll come around. Fear of the voters will do that.
We will ask our Republican politicians: do you want to put our construction workers back to work rebuilding America? Do you want to increase consumer demand so that our companies succeed? Will you fight just as hard for tax cuts for middle-class families as you do for oil companies and the wealthy? Show us where you stand, because the American people are now paying attention.
Look, I'll dig deeper and do a second draft!
Economic growth requires increasing consumer demand. Consumer demand requires money in people's pockets. We do this best by creating jobs.
We can borrow money more cheaply than almost ever right now. That will slash the cost of fixing our roads, bridges and sewers. Rebuilding America now will save us money. Rebuilding America now will save our economy.
Republicans are standing in the way.
Maybe it's because of their ideology. Maybe they don't want the economy to improve before the election. Maybe they don't like workers not to feel desperate. Maybe they lack imagination, or information, or empathy. Whatever the reason, they are standing in the way.
Republicans want more money for the wealthy. They invest it in art. Republicans want more money for big business. They invest it overseas. They'll favor anything so long as it won't work.
We all need to pull together on the rope to pull the economy forward. They want to push on the rope. They act surprised when it doesn't work.
I'm done with pushing on ropes.
Last year, you had a $1000 cut in payroll taxes. You used it to keep your neighbors working. You used it to keep your family clothed and fed. I and other Democrats want you to have that money again. Republicans don't.
Tell the Republicans what you think about that.
Anyone else have a rewrite for President Obama? Hold the semicolons.
And I leave you also with two questions: Didn't Barack Obama used to be better than this? What happened?
3:05 PM PT: Roby NJ tried his hand at the exercise and came up with something punchier but more Obama-ian. (Do we have an accepted adjective for "in the fashion of Obama"?)