I was reading a diary about reclamation and ownership of the word Slut. The Sluttiest Diary You Will Ever Read: http://www.dailykos.com/...
It's such an ugly word for a woman or a girl. It is the lowest caste in our Western, female-specific sexual caste system.
Slut.
Untouchable.
Unless of course you are into that sort of thing.
And it's a life sentence.
Once you have been branded--it's there, it's indelible. You can never wash it off. But I think the sad part is that at some point, you might conclude that you ought to try. That right there, is the part that gets you every time.
That you need to be forgiven. That you need to find redemption.
For what?
Being an actual slut?
What is that? Define it for me.
Unfortunately I have a lot of experience with this word, with the mentality behind it and other forms of sexism. I have witnessed a lot, and I have survived a lot.
Let that sink in.
I survived.
But do you know what my worst sin ever was, out of all of this? To thrive. How dare, one such as myself, ever hope to verbally own her past, and to think herself better for it.
Extracting wisdom from that?
That simply cannot be allowed. You survived--wasn't that bad enough?
It's not just about liking sex. It's not just about birth control or abortions. This is about controlling women through fear.
When someone rules through fear, they always need an example readily handy, to torment in front of everyone else.
They need to remind us daily--"see this slut right here? This battered, broken soul--this could be you bitches! Take a good look at this dirty, broken thing! Pathetic isn't she? You don't want to be that chick! So you best toe the line. Otherwise you are asking for it!"
The label Slut, is all about rescinding the protections normally bestowed on so-called "proper women" and "proper girls," such as they are. When a woman is made an example, when she is publicly shamed, it is made known to all within earshot, that you can do what you want with this one! Because we won't say anything--who cares what happens to a slut.
I think that part of the whole Slut-diatribes on the radio are what pissed me off the most. It's a dog whistle to any rapist or predator out there. That's why the accusation is followed by such graphic, sexually charged language about Ms Fluke not being able to walk because she has had so much sex, and that men are lined up around the street waiting for their turn.
This is the part that a lot of men don't get. They don't get this because they never have to negotiate life in the world like a woman does. Certain hazards are intrinsically tied to us as women by virtue of being female. And these hazards appear the moment we step out into the world.
But why such a graphic description? Because he wanted to remind us all that:
Sluts don't get off like normal people. Just poke her and it's good. The more the merrier. You don't have to know how a woman's body works, you don't need to romance her or get to know her, or value her thoughts or care about her feelings. You don't have to try--and most of all this strongly implies that you don't have to ask permission because sluts will never ever say no.
The accusation of Slut--is the accusation of sexual deviance. A woman who pursues sex or enjoys sex under any circumstances, especially one who has drawn some kind of ire--is considered a sexual deviant.
Slut is the catch-all label. You don't have to be pretty or smart, or nice, or rich or poor, or of any particular race--you only have to have pissed someone off. That's it.
You might have stood up to a bully,
or
said no to a potential, but undesired sex partner,
or
bested someone at their own game,
or
looked a little prettier than someone else,
or
or maybe you refused to be controlled by ridiculous, Victorian, notions of sexual propriety.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't really matter what you did or did not do.
What should matter is your humanity.
You are entitled to certain unalienable rights, certain human rights. You always have the right to say no or yes, on your terms. You have the innate right to change your mind at any time.
Your body is your own. This is true of both genders. And we each have the right to control our bodily integrity and to defend the sacred space, that is our own body. This is about ownership, this is about the power of self determination, the ability to control one's own immediate destiny.
The word slut as it is now, indicates that your vagina has been put in the "community chest." We owe it to ourselves to make sure that people who perpetuate that notion, be educated about the facts and taken to task for their inhumane expectations that you or anyone be punished and tormented indefinitely with this dehumanizing, disenfranchising label.
Slut Shaming isn't just about shaming. It's about setting a woman apart as the sacrificial rape victim. And this needs to stop. You cannot tell me that the radio host in question didn't know that he was communicating what he would like to see happen to Ms Fluke with his nasty commentary? He was projecting a desire that other men "show her".
Punishing women with rape is quite common. After all, rape is really about power, not about sexual pleasure. And what better way to exemplify to all, the power one has, than to punish another with the ultimate, living, degradation? --To violate the physical, sacred space of their body.
Slut Shaming is similar in some ways. It is the degradation of the character-- a defiling of the perception of one's social self and social worth. And even if your peers do not buy into the rumor, there is always the chance that the feelings of shame and embarrassment the target has as a result, will be so powerful, that the target will sabotage their own life when going through this process.
If you want to stop this, we collectively as women have to stop it ourselves. Of course, support from good men out there is always welcome, but women need to learn to stick together better. This practice has too much momentum to stop on it's own. Never stand by and let another female be defamed about her sexual habits [real or imagined].
Nip the conversation in the bud, first chance you get. Make it very clear you don't care what she does on the weekends or how many men or women she supposedly slept with. You don't care if she had an abortion. Make it very clear that these are things that are none of your business.
This isn't to say that you cannot judge a person's character based on other behaviors or actions, but, leave the sex out of it, especially if you know this is second hand rumor.
Because the way things work right now, is that most women go out into the world with the attitude of, "You can't catch us all." And they watch warily for any sign of a slut-threat, and scatter in every direction, leaving one poor woman behind to take one for the team.
That has to stop.
Repeat after me: No Woman or Girl Left Behind!
That is your new motto. It doesn't matter what political party she is in, who she votes for, if she is religious or not, or any of that stuff.
This is the line and you will not allow anyone to cross that line with impunity.
This is the only way to shrink that mandatory, maximum sentence of LIFE for being an alleged Slut.
It's time to renew that old slogan, "Sisterhood is Powerful," and show the world what that really means.
Playlist suggestions--with respect:
Roller Coaster of Love [I love the RHCP version]
Magdalen Laundries--you can find this one performed by Joni Mitchell or the Chieftains, --Don't miss the movie by the same title.
Cactus Tree, Joni Mitchell--I love the version on Miles of Aisles.
Dirty Laundry by Bittersweet
The Widow, by the Poozies {written by a 16 yr old girl}--best sluttiest drinking song ever!
Fiona Apple--A Mistake
If you love somebody set them Free, Sting
I need a Man, by the Eurythmics
December 1963 {Oh What a Night} by Frankie Valley and the Four Seasons. --You know he didn't even know her name!
Fiona Apple-- Pale September
Take it Easy, The Eagles
Fiona Apple, Extraordinary Machine
I'm just a girl who can't say no--The Broadway Session Singers from the musical Oklahoma
Little Tin God, by Don Henley