I am exhausted. I have been for years. I am tired because it just never ends, this war on women. I know that the mainstream media has just now figured it out and many people are jumping on board, but seriously, the GOP War on Women has been going on a long, long time.
Of course those of us who pointed this out years ago were ignored or denigrated.
"Oh that's just ridiculous! You can relax now honey. You don't have to be a Feminist anymore, because you won, the war is over. See--We let you wear pants now and [AND] you can now claim head of the household on your taxes! You is liberated."
Sure, some progress was made. But given the backward sleigh ride straight to crazyville, I can say with sad certainty that many of those victories were temporary.
I am exhausted, because I have lived in a state of constant outrage for all of my adult life.
Having been born in between Boomers and Gen-X, I got a front row seat to the fight AND the backlash, but didn't have the benefit of just benefiting from the fight prior to the backlash.
I know there are a lot of us out there, who were born in that space between.
We lived with the constraints regarding what girls can and cannot do. Told by our newly minted, feminist mothers that we could do anything, and then running full speed, headlong into a brick wall of sexism as a result.
It seems, that I was born on a cusp, and the cusp is where I have remained. This is a very tension filled space to occupy.
Younger women never questioned the presence of birth control.
I remember the cultural tensions when it first became available. I remember the clucking of old hens in our community over all the sluts and their slutty mothers who procured birth control for their daughters, or bought condoms for their sons.
I remember thinking to myself constantly, in wonder when family planning clinics were bombed, when wanted posters of doctors were circulated--"Why are our laws being used to allow these people to stalk and terrify other Americans?"
But when I asked that question out loud, so many people I encountered seemed okay with it. "It's about their religious freedom," they said.
I would shake my head and walk away, wondering if they would be so glib if someone picketed their home or stalked them or a loved one under the guise, of "religious freedom"?
I have dealt with Flush's diatribes against women for a lifetime it seems. But only just now has anything significant erupted in response to his misogynistic poison, that has spewed nonstop for 25 years now, maybe longer.
I am exhausted because I have watched the extremism bloom, and reseed itself many times over in our culture, mutating as it goes into new and crazier forms. And when I or anyone else had pointed this out--the reaction was to accuse us of being anti-religion.
It's funny. You could watch "TEH CRAZY" unfold on their own television stations like TBN and CBN, you could send off for flyers, you could attend large, organized conventions that espoused all sorts of strangeness, that embraced every kind of bigotry, tax-evasion, secessionism--etc., But to bring it up, was to draw the ire of those who were militantly NOT PAYING ATTENTION.
I stopped monitoring these groups a long time ago. It was too frustrating, knowing what they were up to, but not having a fertile venue where one could report the findings. Besides, it was nothing new. Always the same shit, different day.
The end times are upon us--send your love gift now.
Feminists are satan's whores out to destroy captialism and the family
TEH GAys will eat your children after turning them gay!
The Powers of Evil have infiltrated every aspect of our government, which is why you cannot trust it. [all you had to do was fill in the blank--World Wide Jewish Banking Conspiracy, World Wide Satanic Conspiracy, Pagans, Muslims, George Soros, Environmentalists, Communists, Marxists, Socialists, Nazis]
We have now added to this:
The Prosperity Gospel-- Name it and Claim it Baby--Yet another tentacle of Christian Witchcraft.
Prayer Warriors praying for the demise of certain politicians or targeting minorities in their communities [and they worry about what Covens of Witches are up to lol]
So now people are starting to fight, and I am already so tired, because I have been in this struggle so long. No breaks, very little moral support--sometimes none at all. Now I am fighting a multi-front war for my rights as a woman via Reproductive Self Determination, for my rights as a mother, for my rights as a citizen.
It's a nonstop onslaught.
It's funny too. Those fresh for the fight, often assume that I just need to be properly inspired. Or assume worse yet that I am a slacker. They think that I am the one now--lacking in curiosity or backbone. [which is rich with irony]
They don't realize how long I have been in the ring. That I have been through many rounds, but that it was before there was an audience, or even someone--anyone to tag me out.
What I need is some genuine hope. More than words or a slogan. But the real deal. What I need is a giggle and fart session with people who speak my language. What I need is a vacation, a recharge for my batteries, for my soul.
I am sure--I am not the only one who needs such things. I needed a vacation 10 years ago. It's been a nonstop slog through shitsville and I am tired.
So like any person who is deprived of meaningful rest--I am cranky.
Actually, that is an understatement, but you get the picture.
I haven't felt welcome or accepted in my own country, since about 2000. I haven't felt comfortable in my own country since 2002.
When I forget about the omnidirectional, religiously bigoted attacks on my rights as a woman, I feel genuinely and truly threatened by the attacks on our privacy via the government.
The Patriot act still scares the shit out of me. When I watched people report that the Unified Command had allowed hired Mercenaries onto American Soil in the Gulf to control local residents after the Deep-water Horizon Gusher--My sphincter contracted two whole dress sizes.
When Pro-Publica released a report that G-men had turned a press agent's ID over to BP private security during what appeared to be an illegal search and seizure, and an attempt to intimidate said press agent who was researching a story for Pro-Publica and Frontline--wow.
I still cannot believe that people buy into the utter bullshit that the Google Filter Bubble represents "Intuitive search engine computing." Seriously--you don't recognize that flavor?
I have ceased being surprised at the selective coverage of protests by the so-called 4th estate after all the continuous failures of even so-called liberal press to cover peace marches during the Bush Era. And I see current attacks on internet content, not as an issue regarding genuine copyright protections, but as a backdoor means of shutting down many aspects of our ability to organize political activity on the internet.
When GOP operatives tried to prevent newly dispossessed homeowners from voting in the 2008 election in various states! Holy Shit! What planet are we on? I was shocked [but shouldn't have been] at the number of people who didn't know or worse yet thought that was acceptable.
I had hope for a little while when I saw Occupy Wall-street. I wish they had come about before I had small children to wrangle. I would be right there with them. I sure hope they come back. I cannot express adequately online--how proud I am of those people.
There is just so much wrong, and it has been wrong for so long, that sometimes I just emotionally shut down. It's just too much with no breaks. And America feels like it is waking up from a deep, drug induced stupor. Our whole country is being taken down to parade rest and divvied up to the highest bidders. I am tired, because I have been screaming about it the whole time, struggling against it.
And now, having children has put a whole new spin on this. I am not only frightened for myself, but also for them. What fresh hell have I birthed them into?
Now I am to the point, that I am tired of repeating myself. Just absolutely exhausted. It doesn't mean that I have given up, though I am sure some will accuse me of such. It does mean, that I need to recharge somehow somewhere.
I haven't figured out how yet, or where.
My husband has been affected by this as well. I think that sometimes there is a sort of miasma that settles over this house. A collective depression. Any moment some medieval person with a cart will pass our house hollering, "Bring Out Your Dead!" And then we pinch ourselves to see if we are dead or not.
Some GOPer lurkers might read this and think that they have us right where they want us. That would be a grave tactical mistake on their part.
I have absolutely zero patience with the adult world right now. I have none. I am conserving energy now, but I am by no means giving up.
I have had, quite enough thank you very much. So by all means, keep shitting in your boots, GOP, Baggers, Corporate America etc.,
I won't forget when it's time to vote.