I know this may come as a shock to you, but Republicans are very sure of things. They are certain.
As a matter of fact, they're so sure and so certain that they apparently feel it's necessary for them to point it out, over and over again. No matter their point, they must point. Literally.
Join me for a look at this certainty on display. So common are their displays of pointing out absolute certainties that it becomes necessary to distinguish between their techniques by labeling them.
I've chosen labels that I feel capture the essence of each technique so others may learn, but which also capture the essence of that particular, learned Republican. They are each so very unique that it's reflected in each technique.
I have borrowed stylistically from the title approach for episodes of The Big Bang Theory. There are a few at the end that are begging for your contributions. Won't you help?
Newt Gingrich: "The Anger Displacement Mechanism."
Rand Paul: "The Fact-free Assertion Constancy."
Rick Santorum: "The Holier-than-thou Certainty."
Chris Christie: "The Too Fat & Too Furious Turbulence."
Sarah Palin: "The Stab & Snarl Escalation."
Marco Rubio: "The Kindergarden Teacher Minimization."
Mitch McConnell: "The Turtle Transmogrification."
Rick Perry: "The Dim Bulb Incandescence."
Rick Santorum: "The Holier-than-thou Certainty Redux."
Louie Gohmert: "The Stardom-Desire Delusion."
Bobby Jindal: "The Irrelevance Revelation."
Ted Cruz: "The Smug Smirk & Squint Permutation."
John Boehner: "The Tickle-Me Speaker Punctuation."
George W. Bush: "The Stupidity."
Mitt Romney: "The Amorphous & Vapid Peculiarity."
Jan Brewer: "The Misapplication of Self-importance Vortex."
Rick Santorum: "The Holier-than-thou Certainty Redux Again."
Dick Cheney: "The Double Dose of Doom Disintegration."
Now it's your turn. Let's hear your captions for Scott Walker, Mike Huckabee, Herman Cain and yes, again, Rick Santorum who apparently can't say anything that isn't a holier-than-thou pronouncement.
And, of course, it should go without saying, please feel free to add you own.
Scott Walker:
Mike Huckabee:
Herman Cain:
Rick Santorum: