From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark: This Is A Crazy Election Edition
“This is a crazy election. But, of course, you know that unless you’ve been in a coma. And if you were in a coma, you might want to slip back in for the next six months.”
---Stephen Colbert
“Donald Trump tweeted that a Hillary Clinton presidency would be ‘four more years of stupidity.’ As opposed to a Trump presidency, which would be one year of stupidity followed by three years of war with Mexico.”
---Conan O'Brien
"It makes sense that the NRA would endorse Trump because Trump himself is kind of like a gun: we think he's going make us safe and strong, but he might end up accidentally killing us."
---Colin Jost, SNL
“The Taliban has named a new leader this week after their former leader was killed in a drone strike over the weekend. It’s the only job interview where the correct answer to ‘Where do you see yourself in five years?’ is: I don’t.”
---Seth Meyers
"Now that college grads are decorating their mortarboards with messages like ‘Thanks Mom and Dad’ and ‘Proud of My B.S.’, parents of graduates must also wear mortarboards so they can send messages back to their kids like, ‘Your old room is now an Airbnb.’"
---Bill Maher
Tonight on the C&J hors d’oeuvres tray: toasted Trump on Triscuits. Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, June 3, 2016
Note: Due to a 4-4 split on whether to watch Eat, Pray, Love or Grindhouse Bikini Girls With Guns, the Supreme Court will spend tonight sitting together silently in a dark room with a bag of popcorn and epic scowls. No film at 11, obviously.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til J.K. Rowling's new Harry Potter book comes out: 58
Days 'til Sacramento Pride: 1
Percent chance that President Obama now wants to expand Social Security benefits to help better protect our aging population: 100%
Rank of internet service providers among corporations Americans hate most, according to the new American Customer Satisfaction Index: #1
Percent of Georgia voters with a positive opinion of Donald Trump who, according to PPP, believe Hillary Clinton had something to do with Vince Foster's death, versus 13% who say no and 37% who are "unsure": 50%
Cost of the new Solarin super-secure smart phone: $17,000
Time it takes to download an HD movie with it: 5 seconds
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Puppy Pic of the Day:
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CHEERS to questions asked and answered. What's better than summer in Maine? A traditional summer Kossack meetup in Maine! If you'll be in the vicinity of the western part of the state on Saturday, June 25, Kossack Mayim invites you to her cabin on the lake for food, fun and furry creatures at her annual gathering. For more info, click on nhox42's post (with pics!). Or email him at nhox42 [at] yahoo.com or send him a kosmail here. Michael and I will be there with bells water wings on. Hope to see you there!
JEERS to terrible tea-leaf readers. The economists were wrong---really wrong---about how they thought the jobs report for May was going to shake out. They forecast 162,000 but the number that came in this morning from the Bureau of Labor Statistics was a paltry 38,000---worst number since 2010. Cue the graph, with the usual reminder that the carnage Bush left behind is on the far left:
Cue Jared Bernstein:
[I]t would be a mistake to write off these dour numbers. ... Fiscal policy is looking more and more like an essential, missing ingredient in labor demand, and with borrowing costs still as low as they are, a smart move by policy makers would be to quickly start up an infrastructure program, perhaps in areas of water safety or repairing our deteriorating stock of public schools. Clearly, in the midst of both political dysfunction and a contentious election, this would be a heavy political lift. But it’s still the right thing to do.
Yeah---I’m sure Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell will get right on that. Saving the numbers from negative territory: that dastardly job-killer known as Obamacare, which contributed an increase of 45,700 jobs in May and 478,000 over the past year. As usual, one segment of the American job market maintained full employment for its 240th consecutive year: wrong economists.
CHEERS to remembering that we have islands besides the Hawaiian ones. Big primary action this weekend, with contests in the U.S. Virgin Islands tomorrow and poor beleaguered Puerto Rico Sunday. Seventy-nine delegates up for grabs: 12 delegates in the former and 67 in the latter. Hillary Clinton needs 71 to clinch the nomination, but it's proooobably a safe bet she won't break through the finish line tape until Tuesday. So keep your eye on Daily Kos for results…but keep the champagne in the fridge.
CHEERS to a moment worth remembering. June 3, 2008:
My hangover on June 4th, 2008: a moment worth forgetting.
CHEERS to fighters for truth, justice and the American way. One of America's great journalists and commentators in the Edward R. Murrow tradition, Bill Moyers, turns a year more seasoned Sunday (39, I think). Besides having an impeccable first name, he also has a sterling reputation as a straight shooter---a passionate advocate for truth and the fundamentals of democracy. Sadly he's retired, although he does maintain a presence on Twitter, has a podcast and he still writes occasional columns at his Moyers & Company website. This one from a year ago on what it means to be a progressive is still terrific:
The progressive agenda isn’t “left wing.” (Can anyone using the term even define what “left wing” means anymore?)
The progressive agenda is America’s story---from ending slavery to ending segregation to establishing a woman’s right to vote to Social Security, the right to organize, and the fight for fair pay and against income inequality. Strip those from our history and you might as well contract America out to the US Chamber of Commerce the National Association of Manufacturers, and Karl Rove, Inc.
At their core, the New Deal, Fair Deal, and Great Society programs were aimed at assuring every child of a decent education, every worker a decent wage, and every senior a decent retirement; if that’s extreme, so are the Declaration of Independence and the Preamble to the Constitution.
But such is the level of what passes for discourse inside the Beltway these days.
Well, in fairness, just the ones ending in y.
JEERS to the GOP's very bad horrible no good day. On June 5, 1933, the U.S. went off the gold standard. Then, seventy-one years later, on June 5, 2004, Ronald Reagan died. If you see any Republicans walking toward you with a black cloud hanging over their head Sunday, give 'em a wide berth.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Friendly sporting competitions dominate the TV machine this weekend, but not before Bill Maher kicks things off tonight on HBO's Real Time with guests Neil deGrasse Tyson, chef Eddie Huang, progressive entrepreneur Nick Hanauer and journalist John Avlon. Also tonight (9pm PBS): Carol Burnett’s favorite sketches including, yes, the classic Went With the Wind. As for them sports: the Stanley Cup finals continue tomorrow night at 8 with Pittsburgh vs. San Jose (NBC). Game 2 of the NBA finals---Golden State vs. Cleveland---is Sunday night at 8 on ABC. The baseball lineup is here. The French Open finals are this weekend and all I have to say is Serena Smash! And Dublin, Ohio hosts the annual PGA Memorial tournament, which I mention only because---Caution: Name Dropping Ahead---I went there once with a media pass while interning at a big Columbus radio station and got Glen Campbell's autograph. If movies are more your thing, new DVD/streaming releases include the Jesse Owens biopic Race and 10 Cloverfield Lane. Other than that, it's pretty quiet. Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson unveils his new slogan: “Do It Yourself!” (Amazingly, he fails to win the White House.)
This Week: Hillary!!! Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN) sprays a little glee pee when asked if he’d like to be Donald Trump’s veep; Paul Krugman and Grover Norquist square off in a government bathtub. On the pundit panel: gentle giant E.J. Dionne.
Face the Nation: David Axelrod; thin-skinned fraud Donald Trump pops open a fresh bottle of fine whine; new CBS News battleground poll numbers.
CNN's State of the Union: Hillary!!! Bernie!!! Donald Trump pulls out callipers and insists that Jake tapper measure his skin thickness. (Turns out it’s very thin.)
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: ”Top Trump supporter” Newt Gingrich.
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: June 3, 2006
CHEERS to the sound of silence. Hey, y'know that big 700-ton bomb the NNSA was going to explode in the Nevada desert this month? Thanks to public pressure it's been postponed indefinitely. Biggest loser: Acme Earplugs, Inc.
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And just one more…
JEERS to the Big Whiffer. On June 3, 1888, "Casey at the Bat" was first published in The San Francisco Examiner. Who can forget those immortal final words…
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright; The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout; But there is no joy in Mudville---mighty Casey has gotten overrun by the White Walkers and their zombie army from the north, tossed into the dungeon with Cersei Lannister and burned to a crisp by one of Daenerys Targaryen's dragons.
Oh, I almost forgot: Spoiler Alert!
Have a nice weekend. Please keep Muhammad Ali and his family in your thoughts and/or prayers---they need all our positive mojo right now. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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