Our current president is not sane. Karen Wehrstein’s diary, Here's what's psychologically wrong with Donald Trump, does a clear and convincing job of presenting his textbook case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Please understand that Narcissism, if it is a NPD is not a cute way of describing a teenager spending their day in front of a mirror. This is a psychosis and Trump, in the opinion of many, is a danger to himself and others. But there is a way to How to #StayOutraged Without Losing Your Mind. It is possible. And it is necessary.
For those who are take activism seriously, and know this requires attention to our own mental-health and well being, it is worth your time to checkout this “prescription” in the above link. And for a summary of these four recommendations with some additional observations, please follow me below the fold. And please, take good care of yourself!
One of the ways a Narcissist wrecks havoc is by creating an environment that threatens the sanity of those around him or her. When we combine that with the mental, physical and emotional exhaustion that activists often experience, we are putting ourselves, and our country at risk if we fail to care of ourselves and one another.
Like and like the oxygen mask instructions on an airplane, put yours on first so that you are able to assist others. Stress is a silent killer. I cannot count the number of times I have had to remind myself to breathe and it isn’t getting any easier.
Activism has brought many us out of deep grief. And some are fighting against clinical depression as a result of the recent election, (aside: can Trump and the Republican Party be sued for it?), and so it is essential that we do what needs to be done to take care of ourselves so that we can continue to do what we need to do.
This article from Mirah Curzer was posted ten days ago, but we all have been a bit busier of late many not have seen it. I stumbled across it this morning and just in time. The more psychic and physical we put out there, the quicker we are at risk for burn out. Stress is a killer. And I have been wondering if that is intended, in part, with avalanche of crap that DT has been cranking out.
Please read Curzer’s blog. It will take you less than 10 minutes. And it just might save your sanity. These 4 simple recommendations from professional organizers and veteran activists WILL help you endure. For those who are too busy to breath, here is the short list.
1. Don’t Get Used to Trump — Get Away From Him
2. Focus Your Energy on One or Two Issues
3. Make Activism Fun
4. Take Care of Basics
If I had been given this advice years ago, I would have save myself a lot of grief. My first near melt down happened when I went up against the Pittsburgh Public School’s board of education over segregated class rooms and child safety issues. I had a small network of support at the time, but we were in uncharted territory. And I was being threatened with arrest because I refused to send my children to school until this problem was addressed and corrected. Home schooling was not an option in this school district 35 years ago. And my decision to withdraw my children after a year and a half of their denials and stonewalling felt like my last resort. I kept a diary at the time and that really helped. But the counter-resistance for my action was intense. I was a bad mother. I was crazy. I was risking the abandonment of my children if I was taken to jail. Thankfully, a neighbor, a friend, some women in my study group and the principle and teachers at my children’s school were on my side. But my husband and family were not.
I have GREAT, GREAT empathy for those of you who may be the lone progressive in your family, for those who live in overwhelmingly Red communities and states, and especially for those who are willing to lay it all on the line for what you know and believe to be true. You are among those who need all the allies you can muster. That’s why we gather at Daily Kos. But as Curzer recommends under Step 1 — get away from the news cycle when you need to.
So when it gets to be too much, it’s ok to unplug for a bit. Stop refreshing Twitter and reading the news. Stop feeling guilty when someone asks you if you’ve been following the latest story and you have to say no. Go a week or a day or even an hour without talking/reading/writing about the dumpster fire smoldering along in Washington. It will still be there when you get back, I promise.
This is really important, because at some point it will become too much to handle.
You can always go back and read an archived diary that you missed. You can always make the next phone call sent via Daily Action. But clearing your head helps maintain a clear and creative mind.
Step 2 is hardest for me during this current insanity. But it is possible. And yet, activist blog communities can be the worst offenders/abusers of this principle.
Another important caveat is that you shouldn’t actively undermine other people’s issues. Just because you aren’t personally excited about something doesn’t mean it’s not important. The only way this works is if lots of people focus on lots of different issues, with the result that all the important stuff gets covered.
AND
By the same token, don’t allow yourself to be shamed for being new to the game. Ignore people who tell you that your protests of Trump are hypocritical because you didn’t protest Obama. That’s hogwash for many reasons, but most importantly, YOU ARE HERE NOW AND THAT’S WHAT MATTERS.
AND
Do not engage in activist one-upmanship, and don’t allow yourself to be shamed for not being fully briefed and up to date on everything, for not spending your days glued to CSPAN and Twitter, for not making someone else’s number one issue yours as well. That is a demand for emotional labor from you, and you do not have to give it.
Steps 3 and 4 are easy to understand and no reason for comment other than this:
I happen to be a clergy person serving a multicultural and interfaith community of believers. But I had once been a single-issue Republican. People do change. My transformation began in the mid-eighties, but it was a slow process and without the acceptance and patience of a dear DK friend, I would still be hiding in a virtual bunker away from the social/emotional abuse of those who claimed to have my best interests at heart.
There are evangelical Christians who are progressives. They are especially pissed off at the current crisis (although maybe not the way they’d say it) and have been for some time (Sojourners and their ilk). Others are new to their outrage. And they also matter. We can waste our energy trying to shove them out of the fold, but how has that been working so far? What does work, is being willing to spending time and have fun with someone who is different. Those who are willing to be a patient mentor to a new activist will multiply our effectiveness and represent what we claim to be — reasonable and inclusive. Anyway, that is how my deliverance came about. I can understand your anger and resentment. It is certainly justified. But please work through it for nation’s sake.
And, as to this recommendation in step 4:
Go to therapy. Yes, really. Even if you don’t think you need it. Even if your mental health is generally good. We get checkups to maintain our physical health, so why not mental health? It’s not cheap and it’s not always covered by insurance, but if you can afford it, get yourself a therapist right now. You’ll thank yourself when the resistance is in full swing and you have someone to talk to.
This #1 recommendation under step 4 may seem a bit extreme but it is not. And yet, it is unrealistic for much of the world. Apparently Curzer does not function among or with those without financial resources. If she fails at anything in her article, it is a failure to recognize and identify the unpaid but effective therapists that existed for centuries. Reflective, old and experienced women and men, sages who have walked this walk, are among the very best listening ears you can find out there. Their wisdom can be found in their writings. And many are living and would be more than happy to serve the cause. Spiritual directors and pastoral counselors are another alternative and some of the best offer their services without fees. Moms. Dads. Grandparents. Yours or ones you can borrow.
But in choosing these services, be VERY careful. Don’t open your heart to those who fail to recognize their own agendas because they can make things significantly worse. The theological and personal prejudices of several pastoral caregivers contributed to my life as a mole woman. That said, there are a lot of folk who are willing and able to be a refuge in this storm.
Ask around. Get recommendations. As a war resistor, during the Abbu Ghraib incident in Iraq, I had a near melt-down. Thankfully, I recognized my own toxic state and I was able to utilize the services of a mental-health provider made available to families of active duty military personnel. He listened while I sorted things out. And he helped me to process the core of my anxieties (I thought I was going insane. I wasn’t. War is insanity.) This single session made it possible for me to survive my son’s deployment in Iraq and fortified me to engage in a continued resistance that included a trial and time in jail.
I am not a psychiatrist. So sue me POTUS for agreeing with those who are not afraid to assert a diagnosis for your illness. But what I am is a seasoned amateur activist who has been at this for over four decades — not as a professional, but as most of you, doing what I do for the love of it on my own time and with few resources other than my furious determination, good ideas and passionate, smart friends.