From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
This Could Work
I’ve eaten here before. Excellent gravy.
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I’m not sure Trump would go for it. He’s much more comfortable around bedbugs and mold. (Just look at his cabinet.)
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, October 24, 2019
Scheduling Note: C&J will be off on Monday. On again Tuesday. Thanks, The Clapper!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the 2019 elections: 12
Days 'til the official Salem Witches' Halloween Ball in Massachusetts: 1
Minimum number of Mar-A-Lago members who have been given ambassadorships by Trump, including this moron in Hungary: 4
Percent of registered voters who disapprove of the way Trump is dealing with the impeachment inquiry, according to a new CNN poll: 55%
Disapproval of the way Trump is running the country: 57%
Number of state attorneys general launching an anti-trust investigation into Facebook: 46
Percent of American households in which a pumpkin will be carved this Halloween season, according to WalletHub: 44%
Major League World Series Championship
Washington Nationals 12 Houston Astros 3
(Washington leads 2 games to 0)
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
You may have noticed that many of our fellow citizens have slipped into wretched excess on the patriotism front.
Yellow ribbons tied around the necks of plastic flamingos. A bumper sticker on a huge gas hog that says, WHIP THEIR ASS, TAKE THEIR GAS.
Eight veterans groups in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, endorsed a decision not to let an anti-war group use the county-owned Soldiers & Sailors Memorial Hall. The chairman of the hall's board explained that the anti-war group is opposed to "the flag, martial music, and everything else that is patriotic." All in all, festive days for armchair Rambos.
—April, 1991
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Puppy Pic of the Day: What, you never seen a dog wheelchair made outta Legos before?
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CHEERS to a slight change of plans. We’d originally slated our annual pre-holiday New England Daily Kos-C&J Meetup on November 2nd, but unfortunately we forgot we were slated to invade the mini mall down south on Route 1 in Kennebunk and take it back from the Trump cultists as part of our glorious second Civil War. So we’ve rescheduled it for Saturday, December 7th.
Location will be some damn place in Portsmouth or thereabouts—our generals are working on it. We’ll announce the details when we get ‘em. In the meantime, if you’re interested in attending, please email head honcho nhox42 at nhox42 [at] gmail.com so we can start the headcount. And, good lord willing, if the Battle of Kennebunk goes as planned, you’ll all be showered with mini mall coupons.
JEERS to unwelcome visitors. It should come as no surprise that, contrary to our brilliant tactician president's assertion, our troops are not going to be staying in Iraq indefinitely to fight ISIS. Because, contrary to what our brilliant tactician president thinks, Iraq is not our 51st state:
Iraqi military officials said Tuesday that no permission had been granted for the U.S. to increase its troop presence in the country for an extended period.
On Wednesday, Iraqi Defense Minister Najah al-Shammari told The Associated Press after meeting [Secretary of Defense] Esper [sic: should be Esperanto —BiPM] that the U.S. forces coming in from Syria were merely "transiting"through Iraq and that all of the redeployed troops would head to Kuwait, Qatar or back to the United States within a month.
Gee, you invade a country based on a massive lie and spend a decade fucking up the peace while killing or maiming nearly a million people, and they turn on ya---[Snap!]---just like that. I'm starting to think they're just embarrassed because they don’t actually have any sweets and flowers to throw at us. We should re-invade. That'll teach 'em gratitude.
CHEERS to World Peace...or something like it. Today is United Nations Day. On October 24, 1945, the U.N. charter took effect. Their mission:
» To save succeeding generations from the scourge of war, which twice in our lifetime has brought untold sorrow to mankind.
» To reaffirm faith in fundamental human rights, in the dignity and worth of the human person, in the equal rights of men and women and of nations large and small.
» To establish conditions under which justice and respect for the obligations arising from treaties and other sources of international law can be maintained.
» To promote social progress and better standards of life in larger freedom.
Which, when translated for the Republican Party, means: "To enact Agenda 21 when America least expects it and turn all our golf courses into gay Muslim indoctrination camps that replace our precious bodily fluids with zombie juice." And they say liberals are the stoners?
JEERS to anticlimactic science. After decades of arduous implementation of an aggressive and intricate plan to cut down on the release of chlorofluorocarbons into the atmosphere, we're happy to report that finally, finally, this year the hole in the ozone layer is the smallest it's ever been. This must be the result of incredible human dedication to the scientific analysis and implementation of a worldwide action based on the horrifying realization that the fate of humanity (and all living things) hangs in the balance if we don’t get this right. Over to you, scientist man. Tell us what a phenomenal feat of human engineering this dramatic reversal is for Planet Earth:
"It's just a fluke of the weather," said University of Colorado atmospheric scientist Brian Toon.
I’m nominating that for nerdiest quote of the year.
CHEERS to Great Moments in Saying Stuff. On October 24, 1861, the first coast-to-coast telegram was sent from Chief Justice Stephen Field in California to President Lincoln in Washington, D.C. Field's Message: "Could you find the whereabouts of Amanda Hugginkiss?" Lincoln's reply: "Nice try."
JEERS to stupid stunts done stupidly. House Republicans, knowing it's Oscar season, put on their big-boy and big-girl costumes and makeup yesterday, then illegally stormed into a House impeachment inquiry hearing room to perform their latest installment of Whine and Complain Theater. They were apparently upset about a hearing process as routine and American as apple pie. But what happened next will SHOCK you! Or, actually, since we're talking about Republicans, it probably won’t…
The Republicans even walked into the hearing room with their electronics, according to Democratic Rep. Gerry Connolly of Virginia, which is prohibited in the space, known as a SCIF—a sensitive compartmented information facility—because it's a secure room used for discussing and handling classified information. […]
The GOP disruption comes one day after the committees heard from the top US diplomat in Ukraine, Bill Taylor, who told lawmakers in a lengthy opening statement that Trump had demanded Ukraine launch an investigation to help him politically before US security aid to Ukraine would be released, undercutting White House claims there was no quid pro quo with Ukraine.
Figures. Republicans are so slow on the trigger that they showed up a day after star witness Bill Taylor drove the final nail in Trump's piano case-sized coffin. But I'll give 'em this: using Louie Gohmert as a battering ram to get through the doors was a stroke of tactical genius. (That dome’s pure Texas hornblende.)
CHEERS to gauzy gams. On this date in 1939, nylon stockings went on sale for the first time, in Wilmington, Delaware: Here is how a newspaper article described the frenzy:
Customers were lined three deep at the counters most of the day. Many of them were men and many were from out-of-town, although the sale was limited to three pairs per customer and supposedly to Delaware residents.
Four thousand pair were sold the first day. Three thousand to women and one thousand to bank robbers.
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 24, 2009
HA HA!! to the natural progression of the post-presidential twit. I don’t think it could've turned out any other way. What's the worst U.S. president in history to do, really, when he leaves office and goes for months knowing that the highlight of his day will be pickin' up dog poop in the yard? Why, join the motivational speaker circuit, of course:
Let's see if I can pass along some bamboozle basics to Mr. Bush: make sure you tell the eager beavers in the audience to avoid "stinkin' thinkin'" and a "hardening of the attitudes." Remember your ABC: "Always Be Closing!" Remind them not to beach themselves on "Someday Isle" and that "You can't look at a fireplace and say, 'Gimme heat first and then I'll give you wood.' Um, actually that's a disturbing visual so you might want to skip that part. Oh, and no matter what city you're in: "It's GREAT to be here—I LOVE this town!!!" Good luck, sir, and don’t forget to upsell your 10-CD home learnin' program in the back of the room when you're done. Go get 'em, Tiger!
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And just one more…
CHEERS to ghosts of Halloweens past. One week ‘til Spooky Day. This remains one of my all-time favorite SNL sketches. Carvey, Myers, Farley, Hartman, Nealon. Magic...
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Have a nice Terrorrific Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
The Portland City Council voted unanimously Monday to designate five properties on Forest Avenue, including the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool, as historical landmarks.
—The Portland Press Herald
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