From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Instant Randy Rainbow Sanity Restorer
The #1 political musical parodist in America strikes again:
-
And Limbaugh claims he’s the one with “talent on loan from God”? Pfffft.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, February 20, 2019
Note: Today is National Handcuff Day. I hope Robert Mueller uses the occasion to give us a happy little surprise. Don, Jr. and Eric getting frog-marched out of their gated mansions would be perfect.
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til we turn our clocks ahead: 18
Days 'til the New England Winter Synthesizer Festival in Burlington, Massachusetts: 10
Percent of Americans who believe America is on the wrong track, according to a Gallup poll: 69%
Percent chance that Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) thinks taking money away from building a middle school in Kentucky in order to fund Trump’s border wall is okay, saying children need a “secure border” more than a school, according to HuffPo: 100%
Years Maine's shrimping industry has been closed due to depletion: 6
Amount by which Trump has racked up the national debt since taking office: $2.1 trillion
Number of A380 jumbo jets Airbus produced, far short of the 1,200 it projected, which is why it's discontinuing its production: 234
-
Mid-week Rapture Index: 178 (including 4 Ecumenisms and several demon-summoning burnt eggs). Soul Protection Factor 12 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Stretchytime…
-
CHEERS to the comeback kid. SOCK! BIFF! Ka-POW!!! Brandishing her trademark nunchakus (my spellchecker keeps insisting I meant to write "munchkins"), America's sweetheart leapt back into action yesterday and got down to business. The business…of THE GODDAM LAW:
Supreme Court Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg reclaimed her seat on the bench Tuesday, precisely 60 days after undergoing surgery for lung cancer. ... [S]he not only appeared healthy. She also asked the first question from the bench during oral arguments, a role she frequently plays.
Ginsburg's extraordinary life story---a legal trailblazer against gender discrimination in the 1970s, followed by 12 years on the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit and a quarter-century on the Supreme Court—has become legendary.
Felicity Jones plays the legal trailblazer in "Onthe Basis of Sex," which has been in theaters since December. A documentary, "RBG," is nominated for two Academy Awards.
There was actually a brief moment of concern yesterday as the start of the session was momentarily delayed when two Justices, including Ginsburg, failed to take their seats. But fears were allayed when a meek male voice was heard yelling "Ow! Ow! Ow!" and realized RBG was just finishing up her morning step aerobics on top of Brett Kavanaugh.
"CHEERS!" to fixing the worst domestic mistake in American history. On February 20, 1933, Congress proposed the 21st Amendment, which would repeal the 18th (also known as "that no-good stinkin' prohibition"). Once it was adopted, the booze again flowed free and unfettered. C&J will be performing a historical reenactment of that moment in our living room around 9 this morning. Same as we do the other 364 days of the year.
CHEERS to another fresh hat in the ring! Bernie Sanders announced his candidacy for president yesterday, and as you can see it was met with reasonable discussion and civility…
Mmm. Banana cream.
CHEERS to a pleasant commute. I couldn't possibly let today go by without giving a shout-out to my home state hero who sadly passed away in “The Great Legend Purge of 2016.” Fifty-seven years ago today, on February 20, 1962, Ohio native (and future senator) John Glenn took a little trip into space, which The Atlantic recreates here:
Five minutes and four seconds into the flight of the Friendship 7, as John Glenn prepared to become the first American to orbit Earth, he radioed to NASA, his capsule turned and brought the Earth into sight.
"Oh, that view is tremendous," he said. […] Shortly after reaching orbit, his gave his first description of an earthly phenomenon from orbit.
"This is Friendship Seven," he said, "Can see clear back; a big cloud pattern way back across towards the Cape. Beautiful sight."
Glenn orbited the world three times aboard Friendship 7 in just under five hours. Or as we now call it: a Trump workday.
CHEERS to girls and boys and their shiny new toys. A new galactic discovery will be made today, but it won’t have anything to do with NASA. Samsung is unveiling what it hopes will be a pair of non-bursting-into-flames Galaxy cameras that, oh by the way, also happen to have a phone in them. The new arrivals are "technically" (no pun intended) still a secret as of this morning, but if you want to get a sneak preview from those sneaky previewers at The Verge, click here. Meanwhile, I'll be unveiling a spiffy new upgrade for my own cutting-edge intra-neighborhood communications device later today. It's called new batteries for my bullhorn.
JEERS to today's edition of No! Stop! This Isn’t Going to End Well For Your Brand!!! Courtesy of the fashion brand Burberry:
This has been today's edition of No! Stop! This Isn’t Going to End Well For Your Brand!!!
CHEERS to Bucky's bane. On this date in 1872, Silas Noble and J.P. Cooley patented the toothpick-making machine, thus idling the country's entire beaver workforce while President Grant looked the other way. The bitterness still lingers.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: February 20, 2009
CHEERS to northern exposure. President Obama will cash in some of his 20 million accrued frequent POTUS flyer miles today so he can spend six hours in Canada. After riding in a tickertape Zamboni parade, he'll discuss the environment and the economy (and probably get a little lecture about protectionism) with various muckety mucks, and also learn how to properly use the various subtle shadings of "Eh." But the real theme of his trip is: "You can all come out of your homes now...the Sith lords are gone and the Jedi are in control south of the border." Just before leaving he'll join Prime Minister Harper in releasing Celine Dion back into the wild.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to C&J Theater. In the wake of President Trump calling the Mueller investigation everything from "treason" to an "illegal witch hunt" to a flat-out "coup," we're staging a new production—based on a true story—called Octet in the Key of Okeley Dokeley: A Play in One Mercifully Brief Act.
[Curtain Up]
It's 2017. The Congressional Gang of 8 is seated at a Table.
FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe ENTERS from stage left.
McCabe
Morning,everyone!
Gang of 8 in Unison
Morning, Andy!
McCabe
Say, we've got this little counterintelligence investigation goin' on. We've received evidence that President Trump may have fired Director Jim Comey at the behest of Russia. We’ve never seen anything like it, and we just wanted to run it by you first. Are there any objections to proceeding with our investigation?
Mitch McConnell
Nope, I say, nope.
Chuck Schumer (peering over glasses)
No, sir.
Richard Burr
We have an old saying down yonder in North Ca'lina: Nopey dopey!
Mark Warner
No.
Nancy Pelosi
(Claps her approval)
Paul Ryan
Tax cuts for the rich! Er…I mean, um…no?
Devin Nunes
Nyet!
Adam Schiff
No objection. Hey, wait a minute...Devin, did you just say “nyet?”
Nunes
Oh lookie over there! Doughnuts!!!
(Gang of 8 starts looking around wildly for doughnuts)
McCabe
Okay, then. Great. Thanks, bye!
Gang of 8
Bye byeeeeeeee!!!
[Curtain down]
Tony committee: just put my award in the usual spot: on the back stoop next to the milk bottles. Thx.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Did Two Syphilitic Raccoons Just F*ck Each Other To Death In The Cheers and Jeers Kiddie Pool, Or Was That Just Bill in Portland Maine's Brain?
---Wonkette
-