From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Happy Infrastructure Week!
I'm not gonna lay a giant turd on you above the fold first thing after you've spent the weekend in a blast furnace. Thanks to the latest from the evil geniuses at Bad Lip Reading, I can lay two giant turds on ya…
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Trump so so so so wants that Nobel Prize. And he’s so so so so not gonna get it.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, July 22, 2019
Rescheduled Maine Meetup Alert!
Due to circumstances beyond the universe's control, the June Maine meetup at mayim's cottage on the lake was moved back. So if you’re going to be in the vicinity of the western part of the state (near Oxford) on Saturday, August 3rd, you're invited for a day of food, drinky, kibitzing about the Democratic candidates and President You-Know-Who, and other assorted fun. For more info about the meetup (food, directions, etc.), see her original diary here. To RSVP, email mayim via kosmail or at mainely(dot)genealogy at gmail.com. Michael and I will be there, and we hope you can make it, too. Usual travel reminder applies: if you’re coming from Asia, don't forget to turn left at Albuquerque.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til you have to change your Daily Kos password: 2
Days 'til the Olathe Sweet Corn Festival in Colorado: 11
Percent of Mexicans who dislike President Trump, according to a Washington Post poll: 77%
Percent of veterans who believe the Afghanistan war wasn't, and isn’t, worth fighting, according to a Pew poll: 58%
Percent increase in avocado prices from July of last year: 129%
Per-glass price at my front-yard lemonade stand: $199.95
Number of glasses sold in 25 years: 0
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Baby takes the morning train…
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CHEERS and JEERS to the week ahead. Just so we can all start the week on the same page—get our bearings, as it were—here’s a quick summary of where things stand in the world:
» The President of the United States has announced his official 2020 campaign slogan: "If you're a person of color and you're not wearing a MAGA hat, go back where you came from."
» One of the President of the United States' best friends and party buddies has been denied bail amid charges of sex trafficking teenage girls that will put him away for life unless he rats out his fellow pervert friends.
» Special counsel Robert Mueller, who would've charged the sitting President of the United States with multiple counts of obstruction of justice if he wasn't the sitting President of the United States, is preparing to testify before two House committees on Wednesday.
» America bakes under record-high temperatures as the global warming hoax continues to brainwash us all into believing that it isn’t really snowing outside.
» The militaries of Iran, Britain and the U.S. are playing a fresh round of My Dick's Bigger Than Yours in the Strait of Hormuz or some f*cking place 99 percent of Americans can't find on a map. They’ll stop short of all-out war because none of ‘em want to actually get their dick shot off.
» Shinzo Abe won re-election and will become Japan’s longest-sitting prime minister.
» New Zealand's assault-weapons buyback program is in full swing.
» Scandinavia and Canada doing fine, just fine.
And, as usual, Republicans in Congress and state legislatures will spend another week working feverishly to reduce the minimum wage to 50 cents, abolish health care for the bottom 90 percent, and come up with new and creative solutions to the problems of not enough potholes in our roads and too many Democrats voting in elections. Gee, I hope they don’t break a nail.
CHEERS to choosing teams. Last week CNN held its lottery to determine which Democratic primary candidates will be debating on July 30th in Detroit, and which candidates will be taking the stage the day after. Looks like it's Team Warren vs. Team Harris:
Sadly, also during the lottery candidate Tom Steyer drew the ballot with the black spot on it and, in accordance with DNC rules, was stoned by the townsfolk. On the bright side: "Lottery in July, corn will soon be knee-high." Pass the butter, Mama.
CHEERS to comeuppance. File this under “May history repeat itself soon.” Forty-five years ago this week, in 1974, the House Judiciary Committee approved two articles of impeachment against Richard "Okay, I Guess I'm A Crook After All" Nixon. That same day, he was giving a speech at a private home in Bel Air, California. Let's see... He talked about the host's fine tent. He talked about the struggle between Greece and Turkey. He talked about his trip to Egypt. He talked about some old administration officials. And then he toasted his audience with a fine whine:
"You wonder sometimes, and I am often asked, you know, how do you really take the burden of the Presidency, particularly when at times it seems to be under very, very grievous assault.
Let me say, it isn't new for it to be under assault, because since the time we came into office for 5 years, we have had problems.”
“There have been people marching around the White House when we were trying to bring the war to an end, and we have withstood that, and we will withstand the problems of the future."
Dick forgot to add four crucial words: "...for 19 more days." Silly goose.
CHEERS to a very fine outcome for three more "very fine people." A trio of American Nazis who turned violent during the 2017 Charlottesville rally were sentenced to prison—each for a minimum of two years—on Friday:
According to the Department of Justice, 26-year-old Benjamin Daley was sentenced to 37 months, 25-year-old Thomas Gillen was sentenced to 33 months, and 30-year-old Michael Miselis was sentenced to 27 months.
The men are members of the Rise Above Movement, a militant group known for members who train in mixed martial arts street-fighting techniques. Members of the California-based group were caught on camera punching, kicking and choking counter-protesters before a planned“Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville in August 2017. The men all pleaded guilty to conspiring to riot.
By the way, you know the difference between innocent caged children at the border and guilty caged Nazis in Leavenworth? The Nazis get soap and a toothbrush.
CHEERS to a fabulous quintet. Just pure unadulterated good news story: the 2019 Kennedy Center Honorees have been announced:
“The Kennedy Center Honors celebrates icons who, through their artistry, have left an indelible stamp on our collective cultural consciousness,” stated Kennedy Center Chairman David M. Rubenstein.
“Earth, Wind & Fire’s hooks and grooves are the foundation of a seminal style that continues to shape our musical landscape; Sally Field has brought us unforgettable characters, both joyous and poignant, for more than five decades; Linda Ronstadt is the defining voice of a generation, spanning genres, languages, and continents; Sesame Street continues to revolutionize how children and adults learn about our world; and Michael Tilson Thomas goes far beyond keeping score: he has shaped American music and musical institutions for the 21st century.”
The 42nd annual Kennedy Center Honors marks the first time a television program will receive the award. The co-founders of Sesame Street, Joan Ganz Cooney and Dr. Lloyd Morrisett, will accept the Kennedy Center Honors on behalf of the show, Muppets creator Jim Henson, seminal Muppets artists Caroll Spinney and Frank Oz, and the thousands of creatives who have built the program’s 50-year legacy.
Sorry, Chuck Norris, Kirk Cameron, Ted Nugent, James Woods, and Victoria Jackson. Maybe next year.
CHEERS to the man who wanted to be #43, but thankfully wasn't. World War II veteran, Former play-by-the-rules Senate Majority Leader and 1996 GOP presidential contender (we'll skip his Viagra stint, if you don’t mind) Bob Dole marks the 57th anniversary of his 39th birthday today. He once said, "If you're hanging around with nothing to do and the zoo is closed, come over to the Senate. You'll get the same kind of feeling and you won't have to pay." But he topped that a couple years back with a bit of candor that wasn't exactly appreciated within his team's ranks:
“Could people like Bob Dole, even Ronald Reagan—could you make it in today’s Republican Party?” host Chris Wallace asked Dole.
“I doubt it,” Dole said. “Reagan wouldn’t have made it. Certainly, Nixon couldn’t have made it, because he had ideas and…we might have made it, but I doubt it.”
The 1996 presidential nominee [said] his party should close up shop until it’s figured things out.
“I think they ought to put a sign on the national committee doors that says ‘closed for repairs’ until New Year’s Day next year and spend that time going over ideas and positive agendas.”
We hope he enjoys his 96 percent discount at Denny's. Because if he was expecting sanity from his party as his gift instead, ain't gonna happen.
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 22, 2009
JEERS to being over a barrel over a barrel. Oh, goody, another vote in the Senate today over guns...and yet another example of Republicans (in this case John Thune of South Dakota) who are willing to un-clutch their state's-rights teddy bear when it suits them. Specifically, Thune believes people with concealed-weapons permits should suddenly be allowed to carry their shootin' irons from state to state:
Sen. Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y., said the bill would "incite a dangerous race to the bottom in our nation's gun laws." He said his own state, which has strict gun control laws, would have to accept concealed weapons permits from states such as Arizona, which issues permits to people with drinking problems, or Alaska, where people with violent misdemeanor convictions can get permits.
Unfortunately, Democrats have been so cowed by the NRA that it's a good bet the amendment will pass with votes to spare. So, looking on the bright side: at least there will be fewer people giving each other the finger on our highways. [7/22/19 Update: Democrats are no longer afraid of the NRA, which is near collapse because of rampant corruption and infighting, dwindling coffers, and public revulsion spearheaded by those darn kids. Who’da thunk it?]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to misty watercolor memories. The Netroots Nation convention has been over for a whopping one week, but it already seems like a lifetime—no, three lifetimes!—ago. Our normal routine in the C&J household is to take a bunch of pics and then forget about 'em until they self-immolate out of sheer boredom. Not this time! Every now and again we plan to hike up the ol' slide projector screen and force you to sit there and live our lives vicariously through the miracle of developing fluid and Fotomat 24-hour color processing. Someone hit the lights and let’s go!
On Saturday morning I took a walk down to the corner of 7th and Market Streets to see the replica of the Georgian-style “Graff House”—a block over and up from Independence Hall—where Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of King George is a Butthead. Our GPS took us to the spot, and all we could do was gawk in awe of the architectural splendor as we stood on the hallowed ground:
Oops! Ha ha. Bad GPS. It turns out that's the Burger King at Market and 8th Street where Jefferson reportedly dined on Whoppers and onion rings during his breaks between penning grievances. This is the Graff House, rebuilt in 1975 after some short-sighted idiots tore the original down in the late 1800s:
The place was closed, unfortunately, so we padded off to Independence Hall, where the Declaration was ratified:
Sadly, there was no fast-food joint abutting it, so the Founders had to subsist in the wretched summer heat and humidity on nothing but thinly-sliced sirloin steak, melted cheese and caramelized onions carelessly dumped between slabs of tubular bread purchased from a vendor with a pushcart and a bad attitude. For their suffering, we got ourselves a new nation and then quickly set upon super-sizing it. And that concludes this week's photo essay. Next week: our GPS leads us to Philadelphia's strip clubs! (Seriously, folks, I coulda swore I set it to “Art Museum.”)
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“Lately, Bill in Portland Maine’s been trying to get my attention. Poor guy. Kiddie pool splasher trying to get the attention of a 30-something year old mayor from Indiana, that tells you something. Poor fella.”
---Pete Buttigieg
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