On this date one year ago, “Crazy/Stupid Republican of the Day” first profiled Briscoe Cain, who may be a puppet character who escaped from Lazy Town, but was nonetheless elected to District 128 of the Texas House of Representatives in 2016, when he upset the GOP incumbent, Wayne Smith, by all of 23 votes in a runoff election and then coasted to victory against a Libertarian in the general election. He has made it into office in spite of referring to violence against trans-women as “dudes waking around in dresses getting beat up”, which is somehow still far from the most offensive thing we’ll reveal in this profile.
In 2018, Cain was allowed to run for re-election unopposed. He currently has the most conservative voting record in the Texas House, which is saying something, because we’re talking about Texas. Cain is also the Texas legal counsel for the Fundamentalist fanatics, Operation Rescue, and is a member of the Texas House Freedom Caucus… but again, we can’t understate how much Cain takes extremism to a whole different level. Seriously, look at his voting record, and try to make sense how someone can crusade against a women’s right to choose and Planned Parenthood because they supposedly respect keeping babies alive, and try and figure out how that same person can literally vote against child car safety seats for children under 2 based on “smaller government” principles.
In his first year in office, Briscoe Cain caused several confrontations within the state legislature, including his puzzling attack on state funding towards pallative care, which he referred to as “death panels”, and wanted it removed. When questioned by his colleagues, it became abundantly clear that Cain had no idea what pallative care actually was, and had to have it explained to him on the floor of the legislature. But hey, f*** those terminally ill people dying in pain from getting any kind of pain relievers until they pass, right?
In October of 2017, Briscoe Cain was scheduled to speak at Texas Southern University, and after the event was cancelled at the last minute because protesters would not allow Cain to speak (similar to how Richard Spencer has been booed out of several college bookings), Cain whined about his First Amendment right to speak being infringed upon, which the protesters pointed out they had a First Amendment right to drown his punk ass out.
In a superbly classless move, upon the death of legendary astrophysicist Stephen Hawking, a self-identifying atheist in May of 2018, Briscoe Cain took a Creationist pot-shot at the deceased, posting on Twitter that, “Stephen Hawking now knows the truth of how the universe was made”.
But one of our main concerns about Briscoe Cain is the fact that he has, on more than one occasion, threatened people with a gun. In June of 2018, Cain crashed the Texas Democratic Party’s state convention, and started to pass out signs that read, “This home is a gun-free safe space” to dare those who want gun control to declare it publicly and then, y’know, get robbed because people wouldn’t be scared they weren’t armed (in theory). When an attendee asked Brisco when he went gun-free, he responded by lifting his shirt to show he was packing (this isn’t hearsay, there’s video of it). Cain was summarily thrown out.
The second incident, was far more publicized… during the second Democratic Presidential Primary debate in September of 2019, former Congressman Beto O’Rourke talked about gun control, proposed buy-backs of AR-15s, which enraged Brisco Cain enough to throw out a thinly-veiled death threat at O’Rourke:
“My AR is ready for you Robert Francis”
It was enough of a threat that Twitter deleted his post, and eventually gave him a 141 day ban, which is remarkable in and of itself because that platform censors almost nothing.
Briscoe Cain spent 2020 offering pro bono legal services to any Texan fined for refusing to wear a mask in public (because of course this supposed pro-life hypocritical ***hole did) before in November, he won re-election in 2020 with 68% of the vote. Cain could not be content with his own victory, instead abandoning Texas to travel up to Pennsylvania during a pandemic to offer his legal services to the aggrieved soon-to-be-former-president, Donald Trump, in his mad quest to have the election results tossed out so he could be declared president again for… reasons. Yes, that’s right, when you think about what kind of idiot lawyers were representing Donald Trump and submitting legal documents with spelling errors, fictitious accounts from people who may or may not exist, and from states that definitely don’t… rest assured that part of the reason is this moronic jackass was involved, and making sure that Rudy Giuliani wasn’t alone in being a f***up on the Trump legal team.
Now, about getting someone competent to take his place in the legislature…
One Year Ago, December 24th, 2019: Briscoe Cain (TX)… Original Profile
Two Years Ago, December 24th, 2018: John Culberson (TX)… 2018 Update
Three Years Ago, December 24th, 2017: John Culberson (TX)… 2017 Update
Four Year Ago, December 24th, 2016: John Culberson (TX)… 2016 Update
Five Years Ago, December 24th, 2015: John Culberson (TX)… 2015 Update
Six Years Ago, December 24th, 2014: John Culberson (TX)… Original Profile