Fraternal organizations, business consortiums, sports leagues and social clubs are shedding their associations with tRump faster than tRump can barge into girls’ dressing rooms. We’ve taken the time to gather some of the tRump related organizational annulments so you don’t have to.
The Amalgamated Chowderheads of Manhattan, partially as reparations for adding tomatoes to chowder, have rescinded tRump’s membership, stating, “Even chowderheads have minimum standards.” The International Brotherhood of Chowderheads, speaking from their Boston headquarters, chimed in, “It’s about damned time. We never like that chucklehead.”
The Chucklehead Society was quick to take umbrage, “We kicked him out years ago when it became clear there wasn’t anything funny about him, except his tiny, tiny hands which are hysterical.”
While retrieving their signature membership beanie, a representative for Dunderheads United told reporters, “He’s all thud and blunder, with maybe some dander, but certainly no dunder. We want nothing to do with him and regret our earlier affiliation.”
In a formal ceremony, stripping tRump of all the rights and privileges that come along with membership in the Federated Buttheads, top Butthead, Harry Asscrack said, “While we appreciate Donald’s lifelong commitment to making loudmouthed assholes an integral part of mainstream America, he has recently crossed over into Crazytown and we can no longer bear to listen to his idiocy. We will no longer defend his right to flaunt public urination laws or make fun of physically challenged citizens.”
The North American Sphinctermouth Cooperative squeezed out a statement, “We have standards. Donnie failed them worse than he ran his casinos. We hope he chokes on his oral TidePod™ enema.”
The What-am-I-chopped-liver Association has completely disavowed tRump, opining, “He doesn’t deserve comparison to anything even remotely palatable.”
The Committee of Our Wingnuts Abetting the Russian Deep State has expelled tRump for repeated egregious violations of best tradecraft practice guidelines. The news release says, in part, “While tRump will continue to take orders directly from the Kremlin, we are actively looking to replace him with one of our other high profile blackmailees. Pence, Graham and McConnell are all too closely associated with tRump’s taint to be taken seriously. Nunes, Jordan, Gohmert, Kemp and DeSantis are just too damn stupid to be viable. At the moment, even though he is far from ideal as our puppet in charge, we are leaning toward promoting Jared Kushner to continue the work of destroying America. He’s shown an affinity for shredding the United States’ international reputation and he’s very easy to manage. The problem is, he’s such a smarmy twit it will be difficult to make him look even remotely presidential.”
Muttonheads, Meatheads, Schnitzelbrains and the rest of the Red Meat State Organizations have, for the first time, released a joint statement, “We’ve know that tRump would be troublesome since he first revealed his preference for burnt shoe-leather slathered in ketchup. He’s worse than boiled haggis made from firm tofu.”
Golf Cheaters of America have stripped tRump of his lifetime membership and board position after he was caught moving his ball in full view of his playing partners and daring them to tell on him under penalty of imprisonment. The GCA released this justification for dumping tRump, “By resorting to bullying as a method of cheating, he has broken the faith of gentlemen golf cheaters the world over. Cheating at golf should never be this brazen. He is attempting to normalize boorishness. There is no place for him in the fraternity of golf cheaters.”
Blockheads, Knuckleheads, Mouth-Breathers and Dumb-Clucks Consolidated have defied expectations and declared, “We’ve got his bleach right here. What an embarrassment. He’s not welcome at our rallies any more.”
The Fraternal Order of Bubbleheads, Featherheads and Airheads didn’t manage to respond to repeated request for comment in time for publication. We think they are trying to get rid of tRump but are having a lot of trouble getting enough members to figure out how to use Zoom so they can gather a quorum.
As far as we have been able to determine tRump is still in good standing with Lunkheads, Fatheads, Boneheads and Poopheads.
In a bit of tRump related news, a representative of the Rex Tillerson Rehabilitation Project told us, “We told you so.”
Paula White, Franklin Graham, Jerry Falwell Jr and the rest of the Prosperity Christians are too busy bilking their followers and fomenting racist, homophobic and misogynistic movements to worry about tRump’s decline. Since they haven’t yet condemned tRump, their previous anointment of Donnie as savior still holds. We expect they will pretend that tRump never happened once he is gone.
It comes as no surprise to anyone anywhere that the republican party continues to support him. Kevin McCarthy was recently heard to say, “Donald tRump is my shitheel, I shall not recant. He leadeth me into lemminghood, I shall jump willingly. He is my one, my true, my only role model. I worship at his feet.”
Up the Resistance!
Mokurai brought us a fine GNR today: Good News Fifth Thursday: Progressive Covidity
And because he’s a solar battery himself, he also gave us: Renewable Thursday: Exponential Solar Surge Continues
Today’s pie is not actually pie, but doubly drunken brownies. Pie will return tomorrow.