This is hopefully a story of reconciliation and then progress in this time of suffering and conflict in the summer of 2020.
This Sunday morning, July 26, I walked in Seattle’s Crown Hill neighborhood in which I live with my spouse and youngest, to a local coffee shop. As I walked west up the hill on the northside of the old Crown Hill cemetery, I walked on the left side, to see any cars coming though it was early. At the top of the hill, near the youth home, a car was speeding east. This irritated me, as there was no reason for such speeding on a beautiful morning, including the elevated car noise interfered with the birds’ wonderful morning chirping.
I glared towards the car, though I could not see the driver because of glare off the windshield from the risen sun to the east. As the car passed, the young Black man driving was none too happy with my glare. He took me to be a racist “Kevin,” singling him out in a manner that so many Black men and women have been for so long in the U.S.
The driver brought down his window and issued invective at me, “Kevin.”
I retorted that when I glared (I spoke no words), I could not see who the driver was and the point was to slow down. The car rolled down the hill and I continued up walking, but the driver went around the block and came alongside me, yelling at me with more invective, more “Kevins.” I kept walking west, but the driver parked just short of my coffee shop goal.
He came out to confront me in person. Yes, he used a stream of profanity as well as allegations of racism. And he physically came within a couple feet of me, face to face. Neither of us had masks on.
Learning from the many Americans who have used mobile phone cameras to document conflicts with other citizens and the police, I took pictures of the car license plate and of him. I told him I had those and then a video of him following me. He threw back, “Do you also want my address so you can burn a cross on my front lawn?”
I said, “No! I am not like that! I am not like that.” The driver went back to his car, but I could not let his allegation stand. I yelled across the street: “Grow up! Grow up!”
Into the coffee shop I went for my goal, and then outside the shop I sat because it’s safer in these COVID-19 times. About fifteen minutes later, here he came again in the same car, pulling up to the coffee shop where he had seen me go.
He looked somewhat embarrassed as he came out of the car and asked to speak further. I invited him to sit at the chair on the other side of the outside table and I shook his hand (followed by hand sanitizer for us both). He apologized, saying he should not have conducted himself as he had and instead should have sought dialogue. I sought to de-escalate, offering he clearly been triggered and must have been mistreated many times. He affirmed he had.
I also told him I have older kids about his age, upon which he challenged me to name his age. I thought “28,” but said “25.” He responded, “You’re as bad at ages as at car speeds.” I learned then his name – Ross – and his age, 35.
Ross said in the future, he wanted he and I to be able to acknowledge each other positively in the neighborhood and to converse. (A paraphrase.) I feel the same way, though his earlier behavior really peeved me. But fortunately, I mostly kept my composure and he apologized in the end, showing maturity that hopefully serves him well as he makes his way as a relatively young Black man in this very flawed U.S. society.
I believe strongly that though we have steps back, we must and will have more steps forward.