Major League Baseball needs to stop the World Series immediately. I know, I know-- the Atlanta Braves and the Houston Astros have already started competing in the Fall Classic, but what's being allowed to happen is a national outrage.
In the name of everything holy, and Abner Doubleday, please hear me out.
For the good of the country, the defending world champion, Los Angeles Dodgers, must be declared the 2021 winners, post-haste. Last Saturday's series-ending playoff game between the Dodgers and the Braves, the one where after the final out was recorded the scoreboard read: Braves 4, Dodgers 2, was wrong. The millions of Americans and baseball fans from around the globe who witnessed the game, both on television and from the stands of Truist Park in Atlanta, didn't see what they saw. The umpires who are hired by and paid by Major League Baseball to monitor the proceedings, and enforce the rules of the game, were all in the pocket of the Braves. The announcers in the broadcast booth who collectively have decades of experience calling baseball games were clearly anti-Dodger, and rumored to be socialistic, liberal, Hugo Chavez-loving, communists.
For those of you who are with me on this, we are all victims of the most corrupt scheme to dethrone the Dodgers in the history of, well, history, and we MUST be made whole! I call on all of those real Americans who believe in the sanctity of baseball, apple pie, and vegan hot dogs, to join me on a march to Cooperstown, New York, where we will converge on the Baseball Hall of Fame to make our voices heard. I am your champion, and I will be marching right next to you; so bring your bats, your facemasks, your sliding pads, and your bear spray! And because I know you all have important lives to lead, and it's possible some of you will not be able to join us on our hajj to baseball's Mecca, I can offer you another way to save life as we know it.
Please click the DONATION button below, and give until it hurts (hurts YOU, not me). If all you have extra on hand is Little Johnnie's college fund or a boring 401K, I say, what kind of country will Johnnie grow up in if the Dodgers are robbed of what is theirs? And wouldn't you rather retire a down and out pauper, than live in a land where a team that lost fair and square in front of a world audience, was expected to gracefully concede, go home, regroup, and come back again next season with a new plan on how to get the coveted Commissioner's Trophy? I mean, WTF kind of messed up existence would that be?!
Act now, and I'll throw in a beautiful KLADWCA (Keep Los Angeles Dodgers World Champions Again) hat. It's pronounced: Klad-wah-ka-- trips right off your tongue, doesn't it? Thank you for your support-- and Go Dodger Blue!