Now that Lou Dobbs is out at Fox I was imagining what it might be like if he tried to land a job working at one of Stop & Shop’s customer service desks.
Here is a mock job interview:
Human resources person: It says here you worked at Fox television?
Dobbs: Yes.
Human resources person: What did you do there?
Dobbs: I lied to my audience.
Human resources person: And what can you do for Stop & Shop?
Dobbs: I think I can save the company money.
Human resources person: How?
Dobbs: I would highlight my lying skills. Suppose a customer comes in to return pork chops that have turned green and have a foul odor prior to the sell by date...
Human resources person: Uh huh
Dobbs: I can tell them it’s still a fine cut of meat and all they have to do is go home and cook it thoroughly.
Human resources person: What if they get food poisoning?
Dobbs: After they go to the doctor they’ll need antibiotics, and I’ll direct them to the Stop & Shop pharmacy. So we’ll make another sale.
Human resources person: Do you understand that our customers getting food poisoning is bad word of mouth for our company?
Dobbs: But at my last job it was all about profits.
Human resources person: Thanks for coming in. I’ll be making a decision in about 48 hours.
Dobbs: Thank you.
Human resources person: Good luck.
I wanted to post this to the comics section but I’m not authorized. The moderators told me it would be okay to post satire.