Let’s Check the Tote Board
Yikes. It’s been a few of weeks since we last checked in on the Daily Kos relief fund for the Ukrainian civilians affected by allegedly very, very ill Russian dictator Vladimir Putin’s last futile stab at glory. As of this morning, we see that another $100k+ has been added to the total:
$3,805,585.05
If you'd like to support the four chosen groups—the World Central Kitchen, AmeriCares, Razom for Ukraine, and the International Fund for Animal Welfare—click here and ActBlue will help you take care of the rest.
Meanwhile, the Republican party has canceled its toilet paper drive on behalf of Moscow because they remembered that sharing is communism and that, of course, leads straight to bamboo fibers in election ballots. Good catch, guys.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, June 25, 2024
Note: For your protection, C&J has installed a new atmosphere purification machine, developed by some of my buddies, that eliminates 99.999% of all particulate matter in the air. You will be billed in five easy installments of $19.95 for this service. Also, because our miracle device eliminates 99.999% of all oxygen particles, you have approximately 3 minutes to live. Have a great day. —Mgt.
-
By the Numbers:
4 days!!!
Days 'til Steve Bannon goes to prison for contempt of Congress: 6
Days 'til the Super Rhubarb Festival in Duluth, Minnesota: 4
Expected 2nd quarter gross domestic product, according to estimates by Bank of America, Goldman Sachs, and the Atlanta Fed: 2.2%
Percent of new COVID variants KP.3 and LB.1 among all cases reported, respectively: 33%, 17.5%
Number of countries expected to take part in the Paris Olympics: 206
Age of Donald Sutherland when he died last week: 88
Year John Flanagan's portrait of George Washington started appearing on the "heads" side of the quarter: 1932
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Ever hear of dog nose photography? Thanks to Milo, now you have…
-
CHEERS to primary day. New York! Colorado! South Carolina! Utah! Two million primary candidates! One WWE-approved steel cage! And toss in sweltering heat just to keep it interesting. Here’s a woefully-inadequate summary of races I'll be watching with one eye while keeping tabs on my Wheel of Fortune reruns with the other, and so should you or you're not a real American and why don’t you just leave already:
New York Rep. Jamaal Bowman faces Westchester County Executive George Latimer in the 16th Congressional District. The race headlines a ballot that includes six primaries for the U.S. House, plus races for state Senate, state Assembly and county district attorney.
This “I Voted” sticker image was chosen, after a lengthy search, for its ability to communicate the general tone of this story. And I mean, like, really lengthy.
New York City residents will also vote on whether to change the moniker of their city from “The Big Apple” to “The Adorable Pizza Rat.”
Colorado There are six Republican candidates, including U.S. Rep. Lauren Boebert, and three Democrats running in the 4th Congressional District primary. The highly Republican district includes Douglas County and Loveland and into the Eastern Plains. After they do their civic duty, half the voters will drive to grog’s house for game night, and half will head to Thinking Fella’s to figure out what the hell to do about that cactus in the broken pot.
South Carolina It's Republican Burns vs. Republican Biggs in a runoff for the chance to face Democrat Best. May the best B emerge Bictorious.
Utah Primary voters in Utah will choose candidates for Senate, governor, the U.S. House and state legislature while smiling at each other in a way that's kinda creepy.
Keep your eyes on the Daily Kos Elections Team posts tonight for up-to-the-second results and analysis. Oh, and also their giant bowl of butterscotch pudding. Why would you not show up for a giant bowl of butterscotch pudding? Are you nuts???
CHEERS to making fossil fuel barons cry. They're not going to want to hear this, but their planet-killing energy sources of choice are getting the carbon knocked out of them this year…
Solar is booming in the United States as power demand surges, outpacing the growth of any other electricity source and disproving claims that the energy transition is a failure. […]
Conquering the world.
Solar is forecast to make up 58% of new electricity generation installed in the U.S. in 2024, according to an estimate from the Department of Energy. A record 36 gigawatts of solar is scheduled to be added to the grid this year, nearly double last year’s increase, while battery storage will more than double to 14.3 gigawatts.
Just 2.5 gigawatts of natural gas, by contrast, is expected to be installed in the U.S. in 2024, coming in at just 4% of the 62.8 gigawatts of total planned power additions and the lowest number in 25 years.
If you wish to send a condolence card to the oil and gas industry for the pain and humiliation they're currently experiencing, please post it to the following address: c/o Your Trashcan.
CHEERS to the Wise Latina. Happy birthday (and many blessings on your camels) to Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor, who turns [Hrffrffrfr] today. She'll mark her fifteenth year on the bench in August, and I think she's still doing a helluva job. She's not John Roberts, who promised to be an impartial "umpire" but immediately failed that test with Citizens United; or Clarence Thomas, the porn-addicted serial tax dodger with the Stepford wife who's a walking conflict of interest; or Samuel Alito, the witchcraft-obsessed Puritan whose MAGA cult member wife likes to fly flags upside-down; or Neil Gorsuch, who never met a frozen-to-death man he didn’t love to throw the book at; or crybaby Brett Kavanaugh, who LOVES BEER; or that mystery lady who I know nothing about because Mitch McConnell rammed her confirmation through in a record 2.6 seconds (using one of those seconds to stop at a gas station and buy Kavanaugh some BEER HE LOVES BEER!!!)
He chose…...wisely.
So in honor of your birthday, Your Honor, we got you the best present we could think of: a summer off from sitting next to those weirdos starting next week.
-
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
-
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
WHOOPS to pissing off the wrong people. On June 25, 1876, General George Armstrong Custer and his 7th Cavalry met their Waterloo at the Battle of Little Bighorn in Montana. Moments after the shooting stopped, a corporal arrived on the scene with an urgent message from HQ: "Duck!" Fate is a cruel master.
JEERS to lectern fever. Okay, kids, it's time to check in with the traditional media so we can see the sober, rational, and issue-centric manner in which they're preparing viewers for Thursday's debate between President Joe Biden and Donald Trump:
"The debate is Thursday oh my god oh my god have you heard the debate is Thursday? THURSDAY IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!
How is Biden prepping? How is Trump prepping? HOW THEY'RE PREPPING IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!
Ready.
Who will watch? Who won’t watch? Will the watchers or non-watchers turn out more in November? What about the ratings? RATINGS ARE THE ONLY THINGS THAT MATTER!
What about the lighting and the makeup and the moderators? What about the ties they choose to wear that can make or break their entire campaign? TIES ARE THE ONLY THINGS THAT MATTER!!!
Will Biden be getting cocaine injections in his ass? Will Trump be snorting Adderall? WHAT PERFORMANCE-ENHANCING DRUGS THEY'LL BE ON IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!!
We don't know the answers to any of these questions but that's not going to stop us from screaming about them to make it sound like we do. SCREAMING AT YOU IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!!”
Hence the new motto in our house when the TV's on and someone’s talking about the debate: the mute button is the only thing that matters.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: June 25, 2014
JEERS to little thought experiments. I understand that when Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal gets in front of a rabid fundamentalist audience, he feels no hesitation to go all Jefferson Davis on America's ass:
"I can sense right now a rebellion brewing amongst these United States where people are ready for a hostile takeover of Washington, D.C., to preserve the American Dream for our children and grandchildren. … The left is trying to silence us, and I'm tired of it. I won't take it anymore."
So, my thought experiment: I wonder how Mr. Jindal would feel if President Obama publicly called for a "hostile takeover" of Louisiana…that he's tired of "the right" undermining this, that and the other thing, and therefore gunplay is the only solution to "preserve the American Dream for our children and grandchildren." (They do love using children as shields, don’t they?) I suspect he'd flip his lid and Drudge's blinky light would explode. I guess I just find it odd that Jindal was speaking at a conference espousing a religion (guess which one) whose golden rule is: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Almost as odd as I find Jindal.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to returning to the scene of the Ick. He's running against two other Democrats today in Colorado's 4th District for the chance to defeat Lauren Boebert in November, but for my money John Padora has already won the battle of the ads without even mentioning his primary opponents. Instead, he takes on Boebert herself by returning to the theater where she and her date got down to some serious groping at a production of Beetlejuice (where kids were present). Nicely done…
Bonus points for bearing an eerie likeness to Ukraine’s president Zelenskyy. As opposed to Boebert, who bears an eerie likeness to Putin’s butthole. We’re told. By sources.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Fox Host Asks Bill in Portland Maine: ‘How Long Have You Looked Like George Washington?’
—Mediaite
-