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Notes from Below Sea Level
In Beginnings are Endings
About halfway through my first cup of coffee, I noticed that wrinkles from my sheets showed through the bedspread so I had to strip both off and start over—tightening the corners and getting the sides even, fluffing up the pillows and making sure the knife edge of the pillowcases faced opposite directions and their sleeves aligned with the middle of the headboard. Then, although I cleaned my kitchen last night, I couldn’t really leave the dishes in the rack so had to put them away before I treated myself to a second cup of coffee. Then, yeah then, is when I noticed that the small bookcase in my bedroom was littered with dust, like a little dust had settled in and then invited every mote in the neighborhood over for a book club meeting that turned into an overnight Couchella-celebration of all horizontal surfaces. Anyone who has lived in an old house knows exactly what I’m referring to.
But even I have my limits; so, rather than beginning the arduous process of removing and individually dusting the top and three shelves of books, knickknacks, framed pictures, unidentifiable collectibles, and assorted doodads, I actually laughed at myself. At 4:10 this morning, I resigned as master of ceremonious distraction and finally sat to write out this introduction to what is fast approaching 1,000 posts. I don’t always search out unnecessary distractions before writing on Friday mornings, but lately I’ve been pondering beginnings: the opening lines of literature I’ve read, opening notes of songs that have served as touchstones in my life, the beginnings of relationships and life-long loves, and even the new beginnings that lie ahead.
We’re used to beginnings and, for the most part, immune to any sense of momentousness in them. We begin the day, a new project, a task, dinner, a thought. Then there are those beginnings we take particular note of—relationships, long trips, alternative ways of looking at life, newly-found passions. A few months ago, when my partner was visiting, we sat on my patio late into the night alternately playing music for the other to listen. The goal was to introduce a new artist or song or style or particularly-interesting piece. And though I consider my tastes Catholic in a sort of white-guy-with-an-enlarged-ego way, I know very little about the vastness that is the universe of music. I’m always astounded by the variety and newness of almost ever piece she plays, patiently explaining how this artist or that tune orbits the unseen black hole at the center of her musical universe.
While I give her offerings a listen from beginning to end, searching for their weight and gravitational affect, she has a stringent habit of listening for only about 20 seconds to the beginnings of most of what I offer. “If it doesn’t pull me in by then, I don’t need to listen to the rest,” is her rule. While I would normally feel slighted, she has a point and, when it comes to music, I can’t help but concede on all fronts (except Country+Western). Beginnings are important, but not every Alpha has to be allowed to run its course to its Omega. Not all starts deserve finishes and what I’ve learned over the course of some 60+ years is that not every book I begin has to be read through and not every song I start deserves a full hearing.
Beginnings are varied in nature and importance. Some, I now know, need to be remembered and cherished, some stored away as useful markers of maturity or a deeper understanding, and some to be abandoned and appreciated only as opportunities we chose to forego for the even chance of a better beginning. For me, though, the more I delve into beginnings, the more inflated is their worth. At some point, I have to tell myself to stop delaying and just begin. I may never reach the second chapter or the second verse, but there is some modicum of value in just beginning.
But now, I must truly begin my day and I do so with the hope that each of you has a lovely start to yours as well.
(May 2022-July 2024)
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Celebrate life in one way or another and find peace in these turbulent times. Be well, be kind, and appreciate the love you have in your life.
Edward—these (all recorded post-2000) are for you.
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What's on your mind this morning?