(2nd of 2 Diaries on the Relative Risks of Keeping Biden vs. Replacing him)
In my previous diary, I outlined all of the risks that I could think of that accompanied each of our three options going forward: Keep Biden, Ditch Biden for Harris, or ditch Biden AND Harris for an open convention. Here’s a quick recap of the risks I identified if we stick with Biden:
- Biden fails to recover from that one horrible debate.
- Even if he does recover, at some point he shows more signs of his age, comes across as confused and inarticulate in another debate, another speech, another interview, or flubs up on multiple occasions.
- America becomes convinced that Joe is just too old, and his poll numbers take a nosedive.
- Or it may even turn out that Joe really IS too old. It’s revealed that he is of such diminished capacity that he can’t serve, or he suffers some health crisis related to his age such as a stroke or heart attack or accelerating dementia and he becomes incapacitated, or even shuffles off this mortal coil.
- But there’s nothing we can do because now it’s just TOO LATE to replace him as the candidate.
That last point is the root of our anxiety: the fear that if we don’t do something NOW, it will just be too late.
But that is a false fear.
The truth is we don’t have to worry about that at all. Because it will NEVER be too late.
How can that be, you ask? For the answers, read on, as I follow up my previous diary, a Sober Analysis of the Risks of Ditching Biden, with this companion piece:
A Drunken Analysis of Why we can Ride with Biden with ZERO RISK
That’s right we really CAN have Biden as our candidate with no money down and absolutely ZERO RISK! How, you say? Read on to learn the amazing secret!
What’s the worst that could happen?
Let’s assume for a moment that all of our worst nightmares come true:
- Biden never recovers from the debate, and he just bungles through the campaign like Mister Magoo with one age-related mishap after another…..
- America just thinks he’s too old and the polls show he just can’t win….
- We learn that Biden has been secretly senile this whole time, and then one day he collapses with a stroke, a heart attack, polio, and Crimean-Congo hemorrhagic fever…
- And then he just drops dead and we have a Weekend at Bernie’s situation in the Oval Office. Thank goodness he wears those aviator shades!
No Worries, CANCEL ANYTIME, Guaranteed!
Here’s the good news: Even if ALL of that happens, WHENEVER it happens, we really DON’T have a problem.
If it ever becomes clear that Biden is failing, whether physically, mentally, or electorally, there’s always an easy fix, regardless of whether we come to that realization in July, August, September, October, or even November!
That’s right!!! We can keep Joe Biden as our candidate for as long as we like, and we can cancel at any time with no obligation and ZERO RISK!!!!!
But...but HOW, you ask? What’s the secret?
This DUMB Trick is the Secret to a Stress-Free Election!
The secret is simple:
Not many people know about this, and normally this information would be for paid subscribers only, but for this special offer I’ll go ahead and share it with everybody! In our Constitution, there is an obscure provision buried in Article II, Section 1, Clause 2. It’s called: the Electoral College.
That’s right! This obscure, frequently maligned provision, which some have gone so far as to call “one of the dumbest ideas in the Constitution, even dumber than the 18th Amendment” actually does have one very useful purpose. It provides a mechanism by which a President can still be chosen even if the candidate drops out, becomes incapacitated, or even dies in the course of the campaign!
Yes, you heard that right!!!! No matter what happens, with this dumb trick we can STILL choose a President! This dumb trick may SAVE our democracy!
Here’s How it Works:
Here’s the secret of how the trick works: Most people don’t know this, but when we vote for the President, we are not actually voting for the President, but for a slate of electors who in turn will elect the President. I know. It sounds CRAZY, but it’s TRUE!
So here’s what that means:
President Biden can be ours to keep as our candidate for as long as we like, with no obligation and no risk!
But if we are not completely satisfied, we can cancel anytime. That’s right! CANCEL ANYTIME!!!!
- Turns out the candidate really is in cognitive decline and can’t fulfill his duties? CANCEL ANYTIME!
- Turns out the candidate really is in a state of physical decline that interferes with his duties? CANCEL ANYTIME!
- Turns out the candidate has a medical crisis? CANCEL ANYTIME!
- Turns out the candidate IS ACTUALLY FINE, but people just THINK he’s too old and his poll numbers are cratering? CANCEL ANYTIME!
Yes, that’s right, Joe Biden can be ours to keep as our candidate for as long as we like with no obligation and no risk, and we can cancel anytime!
EASY HASSLE-FREE CANCELLATION
And cancelling is easy!
Once it becomes clear that it is actually necessary to choose an alternative candidate, as the nominee Biden simply instructs the electors to cast their votes for that alternative candidate.
Then, and this is important: NOTHING changes for the voters!
Voters who are loyal to Biden can still vote for Biden. (or more accurately, Biden’s electors)
Voters who want a Democrat other than Biden just vote for Biden with the knowledge that the electors will choose the replacement candidate.
It’s like having TWO Democratic Presidential candidates at once! Satisfaction Guaranteed!
- NO NEED to hold a speed-dating primary! (which would be a crazy idea that’s even dumber than the 18th Amendment)
- NO NEED for the chaos of an open convention!
- NO NEED to scramble to set up an entirely new campaign and fundraising apparatus for an entirely new candidate!
- NO NEED to scramble to get a totally different name on the ballot in 50 states a month or two before the election!
That’s right: we can cancel ANYTIME...NO mini primaries. NO open conventions. NO changing the names on the ballot. NO kidding!
July, August, September, October, November, EVEN December...we can cancel ANY time, and the Electoral College will take care of the rest!
Just THINK of the possibilities!
Imagine the delight of a certain orange-skinned opposing candidate the month before the election if the Democrats say: “Hey, guess what? Biden decided he’s ready to retire, and we’re replacing him with President Kamala Harris and VP Gavin McDreamy Newsom!” Talk about an October surprise!
An Important Reminder:
And just a reminder, this offer not only protects us from the enormous risks of fielding an entirely new candidate mere months before an election, it also protects us from the risks of unnecessarily discarding a successful incumbent!
If it should turn out that Biden actually IS capable of being a great President even though he’s old…
If it should turn out that Biden actually IS capable of persuading the American people that it’s ok to vote for somebody who is old, and that’s actually better than voting for somebody who is old and corrupt and crazy and wants to be a dictator…
….Don’t worry! We’re protected!
Because Joe Biden can be ours to keep as our candidate for as long as we like with no obligation and no risk, and we can cancel anytime if we are not completely satisfied….
….But if in the end we and the American people decide that we CAN be satisfied with a great President who just happens to be old, remember: that means:
- NO NEED to tell America that Democrats are either idiots or liars who just picked the wrong guy!
- NO NEED to forfeit the advantages of incumbency and the other keys to victory that Biden holds!
- NO NEED to throw the most accomplished President since LBJ and the first black female VP in history under the bus!
We can support Joe Biden with confidence and free from anxiety, secure in the knowledge that there is no obligation and no risk, and we can cancel anytime if we are not completely satisfied, guaranteed!
But this amazing offer is only possible because it’s a near certainty that we just won’t NEED that guarantee! Just look at the record! This presidential product is so impressive, that when the 4-year trial period is almost up, there is almost no doubt we’ll want to KEEP this product in our lives for ANOTHER 4 years!
And if we choose to keep our President, as an added bonus we’ll receive the preservation of American Democracy, a special gift* that is ours to keep!
So don’t miss out! Act now and Ride with Biden to victory!
*Subject to voter participation. Certain exclusions apply.
(This is the part of the infomercial where the narrator stops yelling and a serious voice recites that long list of required disclaimers) |
So I took a tongue in cheek tone with this diary because I think we all could use a few laughs these days, but there is a serious point to be made. Using the electoral college in this way would be unprecedented and could lead to problems, just as trying a nomination do-over with an open convention would be unprecedented and could lead to problems.
IMO the idea of replacing Biden via the electoral college is slightly less crazy than the open convention idea, but it is still a batshit crazy idea that should be avoided if possible, only to be used in the direst of break glass emergencies. Absent such a dire emergency, sticking with Biden is our least risky course, as I presented in my previous diary.
So I hope that if we can take some comfort in the knowledge that there is an escape hatch for such a break glass emergency, this is how we can learn to stop worrying and love the Biden. Now let’s stop all the hand-wringing and get to work on winning in November, Biden Ride or Die!
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