So with all the newest developments in just the last 24 hours, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert had a lot more to talk about with the whole Anthony Weiner scandal. The biggest thing was the Facebook messages one of the women sent Weiner sent about doing it... while watching the Daily Show and the Colbert Report.
Well, at least the Congressman has not had to suffer the indignity of newscasters reading aloud the transcripts of his tawdry correspondence.
GRETCHEN CARLSON (6/8/2011): There have been new messages that have been revealed now between Congressman Anthony Weiner and a Nevada blackjack dealer. ... Here's some of those tawdry texts that were going between the two of them.
Until now.
BRIAN KILMEADE: "Hey sexy. Sorry I've been away from the computer so long. So, what are you wearing?"
STEVE DOOCY: That's great.
BRIAN KILMEADE: That's right out of my playbook.
By the way, Kilmeade's playbook is so lame, that's the line he uses on women in person.
(Jon doing impression of the conversation)
KILMEADE: "So, what are you wearing?"
GIRL: "Uh, it's my Wendy's uniform?"
KILMEADE: "Nice. Kilmeade like-ee."
That is called ethics, folks. And today, this good man cemented his journalistic credibility by appearing on America's most trusted name in news, the Opie and Anthony radio show, where he bravely resisted their request to show the photo.
6/8/2011:
OPIE & ANTHONY: I think we should see the photo.
ANDREW BREITBART: You wanna?
Oh, I'm sure you wanna, Opie and Anthony. Too bad this man has staked his reputation on the moral choice to keep this private for the man's family.
OPIE & ANTHONY: (Breitbart shows them the photo) That's the famous... that's the new one?
OK, he didn't resist for long.
Videos and transcripts below the fold.
If you at home are anything like our studio audience, you sat through our first act wondering, why didn't you mention the latest details on the Anthony Weiner sexting scandal? The answer is, we can't do it every act of every show. We need a few minutes to remember what it was like, you know, before.
But Cockgate waits for no man. Obviously, at this point, the big question is, how will the Congressman's Brooklyn and Queens constituents react to the scandal?
6/7/2011: (outside Weiner's apartment)
REP. ANTHONY WEINER, D-NY: Gotta let that close. It's the rules of the apartment building.
REPORTER: Can you tell us how you felt when you woke up?
WEINER: Sure. Of course.
CONSTITUENT: Anthony! Go in! Go in! Tell them to leave you alone! Go inside!
We have our answer. They will react like stereotypical elderly denizens of Brooklyn and Queens. "Anthony, go inside! And if you come back out, wear a long jacket! You never know, it gets chilly at night, and eat something, skin and bones!"
This damn thing just keeps getting crazier. Perhaps no indicator....
I know, can you believe this? It's fucking day 5, and we still got these hanging around. Perhaps no indicator of its magnitude more telling of the weirdness than this.
FOX NEWS (6/8/2011): According to Politco, Weiner called Bill Clinton and apologized.
What?!? The Congressman had a sex scandal and had to apologize to Bill Clinton? For what? Copyright infringement? A patent violation? That is insane! I can hear the Big Dog taking the call. "Anthony, I'm disappointed. Now, this Twitter thing, can anybody sign up, or do I need to go to the Apple genius bar?"
Well, at least the Congressman has not had to suffer the indignity of newscasters reading aloud the transcripts of his tawdry correspondence.
GRETCHEN CARLSON (6/8/2011): There have been new messages that have been revealed now between Congressman Anthony Weiner and a Nevada blackjack dealer. ... Here's some of those tawdry texts that were going between the two of them.
Until now.
BRIAN KILMEADE: "Hey sexy. Sorry I've been away from the computer so long. So, what are you wearing?"
STEVE DOOCY: That's great.
BRIAN KILMEADE: That's right out of my playbook.
By the way, Kilmeade's playbook is so lame, that's the line he uses on women in person.
(Jon doing impression of the conversation)
KILMEADE: "So, what are you wearing?"
GIRL: "Uh, it's my Wendy's uniform?"
KILMEADE: "Nice. Kilmeade like-ee."
One of the newly released texts did catch my eye, if I may:
ANTHONY WEINER: make me an offer I cant refuse
LISA WEISS: to get us in the mood, first we watch back to back episodes of the daily show and colbert report...
(wild audience applause)
What mood are they going to get into? Unfortunately, they continued:
LISA WEISS: ... or if this is not your thing, we can just get drunk and have mad, passionate sex!
ANTHONY WEINER: why choose? with me behind you cant we both watch daily show?
(audience goes apeshit as Jon starts gagging)
You want me to cut my wrists again??
First of all, is this what you people are doing at home when our show is on?? I mean, we spend all day writing and producing this thing. If it's just going to be background noise for your amorous.... Are you people fucking right now?? Are you doing it right now?? Hey Chuck, hit the button that lets me see them.
Oh my God!!!!! Is that what you people want? Fine! I'm not going to fight you! Chuck?
(saxophone player plays Wham!'s "Careless Whisper")
Are ya done? And if you're going to go get up and get a snack, put a towel on!
Anyway, Facebook records reveal... (audience applause at sax player) One of our cameramen. That's why most shows I'm just doing this. (stares into space)
Anyway, Facebook records reveal that the text exchange about having sex while watching our show took place on September 17, 2010. It was a Friday, so they had to have been watching a rerun of Thursday's show if they were going to have sex during it. Who was the guest that night?
JON STEWART (9/16/2010): Please welcome back to the program, President Bill Clinton.
(Jon shakes head)
Folks, I did not want to talk about Weinergate tonight. I was planning to report on the debt ceiling and Ben Bernanke's recent statements on monetary policy. But every time I think I'm out, it drags me back in. I guess any object of this mass and density has its own gravitational pull. Now there have been a few new developments over here. Everybody knows the man who broke the story, blogger Andrew Breitbart, has a more graphic photo of the Weiner peener. But he is not going to release it because he is a good guy.
ANDREW BREITBART (6/6/2011): I have this photo, but I absolutely do... I'm not doing this for nefarious purposes. ... I'm trying to do the decent thing here. I'm trying to do the decent thing here, and not release the photo. ... I'm doing this to save his family, OK?
That is called ethics, folks. And today, this good man cemented his journalistic credibility by appearing on America's most trusted name in news, the Opie and Anthony radio show, where he bravely resisted their request to show the photo.
6/8/2011:
OPIE & ANTHONY: I think we should see the photo.
ANDREW BREITBART: You wanna?
Oh, I'm sure you wanna, Opie and Anthony. Too bad this man has staked his reputation on the moral choice to keep this private for the man's family.
OPIE & ANTHONY: (Breitbart shows them the photo) That's the famous... that's the new one?
OK, he didn't resist for long. But you gotta think, that thing's burning a hole in his pocket. Speaking of which, here's the photo.
(Stephen shows photo to shocked audience)
OK, it's a little blurry. I wish it was blurrier, frankly. It's blurry because it's a phone photo that Andrew Breitbart had [on] his phone, that Opie and Anthony then took a phone photo of. But, you get the idea. Now, I don't know if Weiner is going to resign, that is up to the voters in his district to decide, but when they step into that voting booth to yank that lever, I'm pretty sure this is what's going to come to mind. If I was his opponent, I'd have them all painted pink.
Now for those of you at home who cannot see it at all, I'll just say Anthony Weiner has captured the manscaping vote. I mean, that's not just grooming, that is a scorched earth policy he's got going on there. That... this area down here, that's what Sherman did to Atlanta.
But this is not why I'm talking about this. I am talking about this again because once again, I am the story. Apparently, Congressman Weiner also engaged in Facebook sex with a Las Vegas blackjack dealer, who claims she told Weiner:
WOMAN: i was so psyched to see u on colbert! you were so funny
To which he says:
WEINER: you watch it naked?
And she says:
WOMAN: haha! of course!
Oh my God! Oh my God! (sanitizes hands) Gah, it took me a year to get the Spitzer off me! And in the space of the last two weeks, I find out that Hugh Hefner and Anthony Weiner have both used my show as an aphrodisiac! I feel like an oyster! And then she said:
WOMAN: to get us in the mood. first we watch... the daily show and colbert report... or if this is not your thing, we can just get drunk and have mad, passionate sex!
He said:
WEINER: why choose? with me behind you cant we both watch daily show?
Oh my stars! Anthony Weiner is proposing doing it doggy during the Daily! Congressman Weiner, you had better not try any of that perversion with my show. This is a family program, and must only be viewed from the missionary position. We'll be right back.
Jon also looked at how the current recession has hit the black community the hardest, and talks with Larry Wilmore about whether Obama will still get the black vote.
Stephen also talked about how Herman Cain will only sign bills no longer than 3 pages long if he's elected President. And then the Better Know a District series returned, with Stephen interviewing CA-10's John Garamendi (D).