I hate America. Well, at least that what my good friends over at Red State tell me. See, I'm a liberal. And liberals hate America. Here's why:
1) We hate God
Totally true. 85% of Liberals believe in god. Those 85% of must really hate him.
'Cause the rest of us, like me, don't. I don't hate god, 'cause it is really hard for me to hate something I don't think exists. Just like I don't hate Darth Vader. Though I do hate George Lucas for totally fucking up the whole Star Wars back story.
Midi-chlorians?!? Asshole.
Maybe George Lucas is the god my good friends over at Red State think I hate?
More over the fold.
2) We hate the Constitution
Again, right on the money. The Constitution, last time I checked, consists of a bunch of stuff and three really important things:
First, the Preamble. The introductory statement of the Constitution's fundamental purposes and guiding principles of the Founding Fathers. The Preamble reads, and I quote from memory:
We the Faithful of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Communion, establish American Christianity, insure domestic order, provide for the common defence, promote general Christian morality, and secure the Blessings of Jesus to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this sacred Constitution for these United States of America. Amen
Second, the Constitution is pro-life. That was the First Amendment, the activist judges of the Roe v. Wade court notwithstanding.
They have a really strong point there.
Third, the 2nd Amendment.
Well, duh, of course we hate it. Because it is a dangerous anachronism. Guilty as charged. Oh well.
3) We hate American exceptionalism
American exceptionalism is the belief that the United States, because of its history and Constitution, "has a unique character that makes it the greatest country in the world."
According to Gallup: only 3/4 of Democrats believe in American exceptionalism. About a third of our party self-identify as liberals.
I guess that means all us liberals are the ones dragging down that belief in American Exceptionalism. I'll have to guess, because I can't find any data one way or the other.
But who needs data when you got conviction? Not my good friends over at Red State.
Here are the rest
4) We hate morality
5) We hate human progress and advancement
6) We hate justice
7) We hate personal achievement
8) We hate oppostition
9) We hate truth
10) We hate ourselves
I haven't been able to find any data supporting any of that. But, then again, I haven't found any data showing they are wrong. So, it must all be either true. Or not.
Either way, I think my friends over at Red State have kinda screwed the pooch on all this. That is to say, they are totally wrong.
We don't hate America. We're liberals.
We really hate America. We super duper, double chocolate fudge with sugar on top hate America.
So, c'mon Red Staters. Get your facts straight!