The following is a transcript of a speech by Wayne Bombardier*, founder of the National Atom Bomb Association.*
————————
It’s abundantly clear that all American citizens have a constitutional right to obtain their own personal nuclear weapons. The Second Amendment clearly says “the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.” Period; full stop! Nowhere does it say “except for atom bombs”!
To you libs who tell me that the Second Amendment does not apply to privately owned nukes, I have one question: What part of “shall not be infringed” do you not understand?
The libs claim that laws are needed to keep nukes out of the wrong hands. But I say there is no point in having anti-nuke laws because the criminals won’t follow the laws!
Laws won’t work. The bad guys are going to get nukes regardless of what the laws say. The only way to stop a bad guy with an atom bomb is a good guy with an atom bomb.
Unlike the libs, we atom bomb owners stand for freedom! If you don’t like atom bombs, don’t buy one. But if I want to buy an atom bomb, that’s my right and none of your business!
Libs claim that because atom bombs are so powerful and dangerous, letting private citizens buy them is “going too far.” We mustn’t give one inch to the anti-nuke libs because any infringement on our constitutional rights is a slippery slope! First, they’ll take away our right to own atom bombs, and they won’t stop there. Next they’ll take away our right to own bazookas and uzis. After that, it will be AR-15s and bump stocks. Before you know it, it will be illegal in America to own a nail clipper!
So if you care about the freedom that makes America great, you will join the National Atom Bomb Association in upholding every American’s right to have atom bombs!
————————
*Both Wayne Bombardier and the National Atom Bomb Association are fictional and created for satirical purposes.