My dearest love,
I was deeply saddened, but not at all surprised, to see that you posted quotes from Jim Patton and Franklin Graham on your Facebook page.
It astonishes me that you, whose heart is so full of love, can't accept that love WON. You told me once that "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." I hadn't known you very long then, and didn't feel like marring a wonderful afternoon by pointing out that, well, yes, He DID. We are all God's creatures, by your beliefs.
We haven't spoken about this, and perhaps we never will. I know that you probably saw my Facebook profile picture, with the rainbow overlay. And I have no doubt that you felt sadness, just as I did upon seeing your page. But WHY, honey? You are an extremely intelligent and well-educated man. I could not love you, otherwise. Yet on this issue, you are stubbornly illogical. You know your history as well as you know your Bible. Marriage is a civil construct. It isn't always about procreation. It's about love. And in Biblical times, it was often about property. The brides were, basically, sold to their husbands.
Marriage now, in most parts of the world, is based on love. But it is, intrinsically, a civil matter. As an ordained minister, you know this. You say the words, "By the power vested in me by the state of Colorado, I now pronounce you man and wife." It isn't "By the power of God." And as for the words "What God hath put together, let no man put asunder..." Well. You felt that God put us in each other's path. Why and how, then, do gay couples meet and fall in love? Wouldn't it be exactly the same?
There is no logic in being opposed to gay marriage. I am quite familiar with Leviticus. Probably more familiar than tattooed self-proclaimed devout Christians. If God is love, and Jesus said to "Love thy neighbor," then why the huge outcry and spewing of hate from some conservative Christians? Nothing will change for you. Should one of your gay friends ask you to officiate his or her wedding, you may refuse. And I know that you will. And yes, my love, that saddens me. Weddings are celebrations of love. Two people committing to spend their lives together in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer. Does it REALLY matter if it is husband and husband or wife and wife? Amor vincit omnia, remember?
You and I both had broken marriages. In the church in which I was raised, should we ever marry, the Church would not recognize that marriage and consider us to be living in sin. That is one of many reasons why I left that church many years ago. That is illogical, stupid, and ridiculous. And also doesn't matter, because the STATE recognizes second or third or fourth marriages as legal. LEGAL. Consider that, please. What happened on June 26 was simply that the Supreme Court extended the legal protections and benefits of marriage to everyone.
Dignity and equality are GOOD things, and necessary to the pursuit of happiness. Gay couples are not destroying the institution of marriage. They are enriching it. Marriage is a public affirmation of love. Why should anybody be denied that affirmation? Or, as a friend once put it, "Gay couples should have the right to be as miserable as the rest of us." She is a bit of a cynic :)
The ranting and raving about pedophiles, horses, dogs, goats, polygamy, and incest is simply ridiculous, and I know that you know that. I also know that you are not thinking that will happen. But for you to decry the Supreme Court decision, albeit passively, just doesn't make sense to me. You are fully aware of the separation of Church and State. You promised me that you would never impose your beliefs on me, and you have kept that promise. You have, admittedly after some struggles, accepted me as I am. But by rejecting the legality of gay marriage, you are imposing your beliefs on others.
Equality does not infringe upon your religious liberty. It doesn't change how you practice your faith. You have to right to refuse to officiate. It doesn't change or affect our relationship in any way. I wish that you could, as I do, simply accept and rejoice. And keep faith out of it. But I do understand that you can't. Your faith is too much a part of you. You surprised me when you described yourself as a "fundamentalist Christian," and said that you believe the Bible. But then I realized that, having accepted your calling, that is the path that you must follow. And I accept that.
That's what love is. Acceptance. Celebration. Joy. Peace. Passion. And if it gets to the point where two people want it to be legally binding and recognized, then everybody should be allowed to do so. You would never discriminate against someone for the color of their skin or their religion, or lack thereof. I wish that you could open your heart and celebrate equality. Perhaps, in time, you will. I have hope.
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