One of my dearest, most inspiring friends suggested I use the occasion of my birthday to recreate myself and declare who I will be for the next year.
On this particular birthday, I am swimming in a sea of circumstances – some expected, some not.
Enrolling in Medicare and preparing for Ole’s retirement; spiffing up the little house in Norway that is to be our summer retreat; and considering what to do with regard to our boat and living arrangements in Mexico—these circumstances were expected. We’ve been putting one foot in front of the other, thinking these things through, and planning for the future the best we can.
Yet some of the circumstances were unexpected, like the election of Donald Trump and the installation of a republican monopoly in our government. These unexpected circumstances are of deep concern to me and to my family. I’m looking at the impact of the phasing out of Medicare (as promised by the current Speaker of the House just yesterday); the possible privatization of Social Security when I am just one year shy of collecting a benefit I have paid into my entire life; and the dismantling of the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) just as we look at how to supplement Medicare in our coming old age.
The United States, my native country is experiencing a very, very deep divide, just as I was looking forward to a peaceful, tranquil, fulfilling retirement. There appear to be dark days ahead, if Trump’s campaign rhetoric is to be believed. This divide has been stoked, incited, and celebrated by some and loudly protested by others. I am truly, really, no-kidding afraid for my country and its place in the world.
I truly believe the world is burning, but I won’t belabor my fears here.
Rather, the issue is who I am going to be this year, in the face of it all.
Somebody or other said that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather feeling the fear and doing it anyway. So here goes.
Here’s what’s so about me.
I’m a 65-year-old woman, in reasonably good health. I grew up as a military brat, attending six grade schools, two high schools, and two universities in six states and two countries. I have always been proud to be an American, and consider myself a patriot. As an adult, I’ve traveled to over 65 countries, lived in 9 of them, and I speak (almost) four languages. I currently live on a boat in Mexico with my husband, who is still working for a major cruise line 10 weeks on and 10 weeks off. When he’s at work I travel with him on the ships, and interact with crew members from 68 countries. I live in Norway in the summers in a cottage my husband’s father built. My life is built on change, diversity, and inclusion, and I try to represent myself as the best example I can of what it is to be an American abroad.
I believe in tolerance, kindness, and caring for the least among us. I believe in education. I believe in learning. I believe in freedom to pursue life, liberty, and happiness. I believe in your right to full self-expression. I believe you have the right to worship in whatever way you choose. I believe in your right to love and spend your life with whomever you choose. I believe in being kind. I believe in treating one another the way we want to be treated. I believe in a world that works for everyone, with nobody left out.
I believe in the rules of common decency and the preservation of social order. I believe in the rule of law, and in justice for all. And I believe in standing up for people who are wronged.
I believe in taking others at their word until they prove themselves untrustworthy. I agree with what Maya Angelou said so eloquently: “When people show you who they are, believe them.” I believe that respect is earned, not given blindly.
Starting with what’s so about me, here’s where I stand for the coming year:
- I am safe to be with. You can count on me to treat you with kindness and respect, regardless of your race, your sexual orientation, your culture, your language, your religion, or your political persuasion. And if we can share a laugh, so much the better.
- I believe in the good manners and social decency my parents instilled in me, and will strive to be polite. But if someone is impolite with me or others around me, I will speak up about it.
- I will not tolerate bullying anywhere around me, for any reason. That includes name calling, intimidation, shaming, or threats of physical, emotional, or psychological harm. If I can’t deal with it myself, I will either film it or report it to someone who can.
- I will devote more of my energy and self-awareness to the art of listening than to the heat of defending my own point of view. I will remind myself to engage my ears first, my brain second, and my mouth third.
- You can count on me to be a patriot – an American first, a Democrat second.
- You can count on me to hold our elected representatives accountable for their positions. I will call, write, and email my elected representatives to offer my input, and I will encourage my friends to do the same.
- I will donate my time, my resources, and my energy to those causes and organizations that promote peace, justice, and the relief of human suffering. Here are the groups that will get my support: The Southern Poverty Law Center, Council on American-Islamic Relations, the American Civil Liberties Union, International Rescue Committee, Planned Parenthood, and the Disability Rights Network.
- Sometimes, as a human being, I fall short of my own expectations for myself. But unless I take a stand, I cannot be counted on to change my own behavior and fulfill those expectations. So I will forgive myself, learn from my mistakes, and keep putting one foot in front of the other toward being good and doing good. I resolve to improve my own behavior, one step, one interaction at a time. If I fall down, I will get back up. If I make a mistake, I will apologize, clean it up or correct it, and move on.
- I will look for and support the good in the world, as I believe that what I pay attention to grows.
It’s not much, but it’s a start. As my friend and I agreed over martinis one night: The world is burning. Party on.
