Moments ago, President George W. Bush held a press conference to dicuss what his aides termed a "startling new astronomical phenomena" that they are calling "Sunrise."
THE PRESIDENT: "I have come before the American people today to assure them that no one could have anticipated this new puh-hen-won . . ., er, femo . . ., er, thing - this "breaking" or "rising" over the horizon very early this morning of "the Sun." I also want to assure the American people that, as soon as I was made aware of the situation, I assigned a crack team of scientists that I picked myself, by hand, with the kind assistance of Vice President Cheney's contacts at Halliburton, to investigate this event and to report back to me as soon as possible.
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