I had posted this idea earlier this month, but the marriage post has inspired me to expand on it...
The Framing Problem
Many (most?) Christians believe that homosexuality is a choice. In my opinion, sexuality - homo or hetero - is just a part of who a person is (i.e. it's not a choice). The way I talked about gay marriage was based on that idea. I took part in many arguments-debates with some opinionated people, but never had much success because of that fundamental difference. How often have you heard a conservative mention "sexual preference". They're framing the issue again. Since there is no real scientific data that proves homosexuality isn't a choice, there's nothing we can to to make them change that framing. So what is left? If you can't beat 'em, join 'em?
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I compared the former laws prohibiting inter-racial marriage to gay marriage; I was told that it's not the same because gay people "choose to be gay". I don't believe it, but many people do. I asked why anyone, knowing the stigma attached to homosexuality, would "choose" to be gay. That's when I was told that homosexuality can be compared to alcoholism - even though alcoholism is a disease, individuals are ultimately responsible for their own behavior. I also disagree with that characterization of homosexuality, but that doesn't matter to the other side when debating. It all goes back to that difference of opinion, and the argument is stalled. It is nature vs. nurture...in a different way.
I was frustrated with others and myself for not having an argument to really make my opposition pause and think about gay marriage as an equality issue, and not a "Liberals hate God, so they want gay people get married" movement. That means accepting (only while debating) that homosexuality is a preference.
One Possible Response
If there is no way to attack their position from my POV, it was apparent that attacking it from their POV would be necessary. After many discussions and a lot of thought, I decided that - when debating the opposition - I will compare the "choice" of people's "sexual preference" to that of the choice of religious preference (being a Christian, any other religious affiliation, or no affiliation).
Note: I'll be referencing Christians during the rest of this diary, but I would like to note that I am talking about the fundies-evangelicals, and any Christian who acts as though Jesus pro-hate, instead of pro-love.
Christians want their beliefs reinforced in text books, on coins, and in the Pledge of Allegiance. Those are just a few examples. Homosexuals would like to be acknowledged as equals. They are not even asking for special treatment, even though homosexuality pre-dates Christianity. Nothing needs to be printed on our money to note that, nor is anyone expecting us to pledge our allegiance to "One nation, under Gays". All I am asking is that homosexual couples be allowed the same rights and benefits as heterosexual couples. Christians argue that gay people shouldn't be married because homosexuality is wrong. But...many people believe that Christianity is wrong, so does that means that discrimination is okay?
I believe that Christians feel that it is their right to practice their chosen religion or share their viewpoints every day. Why should gay people not be allowed to express their beliefs (regarding marriage, for the purpose of this example) every day (by getting married)? Would it be ok to deny Christians jobs or loans or anything because of their religious beliefs? Why should homosexuals' beliefs be grounds for such denial?
Christians do not want to be persecuted; they want people to respect their choice (of what to believe) and reverence for their religion. They believe in the benefits of Christianity - their sins are forgiven, they get to go to heaven, etc. Was it okay that the Romans fed the Christians to the lions because of their beliefs? No. Was it okay that Christians voted to make gay people 2nd class citizens because of their beliefs? No. It is persecution by amendment. They stopped any real chance that any gay couple could emotionally and financially benefit from remaining together, bonded by love, in marriage. How does outlawing that make marriage better? How does it change anything in a Christian couple's marriage?
Homosexuals and Christians have a few things in common: They are all human. They all just want to live their lives as they choose.
I know that there are some Christians who will argue against gay marriage until they are blue in the face, but I know that there are very reasonable Christians who might at least pause and think about the real issue - equality.