So, as most of you may already know, Bush is addressing the nation tonight at 9 P.M. EST. I think this will be an imporant address for a number of reasons: He rarely does this sort of thing in the first place. You know something's important (or completely ridiculous) if Bush requests airtime for an address. And the topic he'll be addressing, more than two weeks after the fact, is in fact an important one, and so there will be much to snark about. This is his attempt to salvage his currently slumping image, and we can't let him do that. For that reason, I'll be watching tonight, even if I can't stand to even look at him, so much as listen to him.
I realized that in order to make this at all bearable, a drinking game will be required. Some of this is general Bush drinking game rules, but some are specific to this speech:
- Take one drink for ridiculous staged background artifacts.
- Take a drink for generic indirectness and wishy-washiness.
- Take one drink after every lie.
- Take one drink every time Bush says "freedom."
- Take two drinks every time Bush says "responsibility."
- Take one drink for every mention of 9/11.
- Take one drink for every nonsensical linkage to Iraq.
- Take two drinks for every wildly unrealistic assessment that has no basis in fact.
- Take a drink for every invocation of a higher power/diety.
- Take a drink for any general bungling of words (I would not be surprised, however, if they pre-record this anyways, so it might not happen for once).
- Take a drink every time he mentions the money being spent by the government on relief efforts.
- Take two drinks every time he mentions money being spent for rebuilding.
- Take three drinks and an uppercut to the jaw if Bush makes any mention of previous spending mistakes under the administration that make the rebuilding expenses more painful.
- Take one drink for any attempts at caring about black people.
- Drink your aftershave and run around the block nekkid if he says "liberal blogosphere."
These rules are cumulative, so for example, if he makes a wildly unrealistic assessment that has no basis in fact and includes a blatant lie, take three drinks.
That's all I've got for now (long day; brain fried), but there's clearly plenty of room for suggestions, especially Karina-specific ones, so make them fast so I can add them to the list, as there's only a couple hours now before the speech.