It's been a good year for me. I got married this year, had a child, bought a home, and my family is healthy, happy, employed and united. Despite the doom and gloom around us, we prospered, and thus as the Christmas season loomed, we realized we had much to be thankful for.
We also realized that your standard, everyday, commercial Christmas Day was not the way to celebrate the fact.
So my family made a decision this year. Myself, my wife, my brother-in-law and parents-in-law all determined that, this year, since the Neocons have determined that there should be a War on Christmas, that we would accept their challenge and commit to the anti-Christmas cause.
We decided that, in the absence of any discernable anti-Christmas forces out there to win this war, we would be marytyrs for the cause and attack Christmas in every way, shape and form we possibly could. Here's what we did:
This season we did not buy Christmas presents, rather we told each member of our family why we're proud of them.
We did not give Christmas cards. Rather, we wrote letters to each family member, thanking them for everything they've done for us this year, and in years past.
We did not buy a cut Christmas tree. Rather, we planted a tree in the backyard of the in-laws' home, so that we can enjoy it for years, instead of 21 days.
We did not put up Christmas lights. Rather, we put up energy-saver lights in every light socket in the in-laws house.
We did not have your typical Christmas lunch. Rather, we enjoyed a couple of bottles of French wine, a terrific salad, and committed to eat only organic, locally grown food for the next 12 months - minimum.
We did not covet expensive items. Rather, we pooled our resources and sent $400, the money we would otherwise have spent on presents between us, to third world microcredit charities, so that African families could start businesses and raise their children to be well fed and educated. We figured we could live without iPods more than they could live without food.
We did not sing Christmas carols. But we did talk about politics, without arguing, and informed each other about all the horrendous things the right wing mob tried to pull off this year, and what we could do to stop them next year. Both my wife and my mother-in-law decided they would commit to working for the Democrats should Russ Feingold run for President in 2008. I'll be looking after the baby.
We did not say a prayer for ourselves, or for America. Rather, we said a prayer for the rest of the world, as they seem to need it more than us.
We did not wish each other a "Merry Christmas". Rather, inspired by Bill O'Reilly's and John Gibson's creation, we wished each other a "Victorious War on Christmas."
And I have to tell you, it was the best fucking weekend of our lives.
I heartily encourage you all to join the War on Christmas next season, and inspire your family to do as we did - stick a dagger in the heart of this hypocritical, self-serving, commercialized, unholy holiday season, and live, as Christ would have, as an unselfish, giving, hard-working, non-wasteful, informed, respectful member of the human race.
Oh, and in case you're wondering, my brother-in-law and father-in-law consider themselves Conservatives.
Peace.