Bio. Born somehow a long time ago
raised in private boarding schools for the poor unelite East coast kids
went to Yale and Harvard Community colleges (a lot of them eastern elite guys got to go to really nice schools, I just couldn't afford it)
fucked off on the taxpayers dime for the first time during the Viet-nam war
started a couple businesses, ran em into the ground, got bailed out by my daddy's Sawdi friends
bought a baseball team, supplied em with cocaine and steroids, and then sold em for a pile
Governor of Texas for a while
Killed lots of people, I didn't actually get to kill em but was fun signing the warrants. I especially liked killing the kids and the handicapped.
President of the United Christians of America...woohoo look at me now Dad you jerk.
My name is George Bush and I'm the President of the United Christians. I have a mandate. Did you know? Anyway I just wanted to let you all know that I sure am sorry I lied to get elected...twice (heh,heh,heh). But you all knew I wasn't going to keep those campaign promises anyway right? I'd like to give a shout out to the Supreme Court for giving me that first one...whew, that was a doozie it was so close.
I'd apologize for lyin about Iraq, 9-11 and whatever else I did or am doing that is getting your children killed in combat...but hey, I don't have a conscience and I've sure gotten a lot of political mileage out "over there instead of here", and "you're with me or you're with the terrorists" and besides I sure did like getting to pretend I was in the military again. I just regret that "freedom fries" didn't take hold but hey even my propaganda staff, er press office, has its misses. Seriously, that's the only thing I regret. Rove has caused a little bit of a stir but heh, heh, I knew about that two years ago, shhh...Cheney is in on it too, and Condi, and Scooter, and Ari and McClellan. You guys are such suckers. If my party didn't control Congress I'd have gotten impeached so long ago. Heck, I'd probably be wearin an orange jumpsuit and roomin with Dickie and Karl at Casa del Martha Prison. I've broken so many federal and international laws I make Nixon look like the second coming of Thomas Jefferson. And, ya know what? There's nothing you can do about it cause I am GOD!
I'll let you in on a little secret...there's still eight or nine buildings left standing in Iraq but as soon as we get some more cruise missiles we'll knock em down and then, yep, you guessed it...we're heading to Tehran...they wanted to kill my daddy, too.
And hey, stop listening to them activist judges and reporter types who are trying to tell you that our treatment of prisoners is inhumane. We feed them fellas once a week, exercise em till they puke, and are giving them a concrete floor for a bed and roof over their heads. If they didn't hate us for our freedom they coulda built a house just like it in Bagdad...oh heck who am I kiddin, all them terrorists were from Sawdi Arabea and we arrested mostly innocent people from Yemen and Morocco, and sure we knock em around a little, heck I've interrogated a couple myself and ya know what? I never used a dog for anything like that before, that Rumsfeld, hes a sadistic SOB. But it works. As soon as those dogs bite their legs and feet while we have batteries attached to their gonads they start talking and when we show em pictures of their raped sons and daughters they spill even more than what we were looking for. Torture, er exhaustive interrogation, is such a useful tool in my war against the enemy terrorist people.
Hey, how'd you guys like the way I threw old Roberts out there? Pretty clever huh? He's a 100% pure Scalia clone and he's all mine Feyd, he's all mine (you guys didn't know Dune was my favorite movie, well it was until all the good characters got killed in the end by that damn do-gooder Maw-deeb). The thing I love about Roberts is hes kinda a background guy nobody knows too much about, kinda like me, when I ran for governor. Now that I have the Supreme Court with me I might bring back slavery. That will guarantee votes for the party in the south. Hell, I might even nuke the north. Them boys down there where I carpetbag sure haven't ever forgiven that asswhuppin the Union put on em back in the day, you know G?
Wait till Rehnquist has his car accident, er dies of natural causes on his way to work. Then we'll see about naming me king.
And how bout that Bolton guy? Huh? Can I pick em or what? He is an absolute total fucking lunatic but he did me a couple favors and I take care of my guys. He is going to raise some hell with those pacifist pussies over there at the UN. Sanctions? Hah. Not any more. Anybody we don't like we nuke. No more mister nice guy. America is in terrible danger of being overrun by the terrorists, gays, and women who can't have enough abortions.
Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful. If you could be as dumb as I am and be President you would too. Plus, if you got enough rich friends like I do you can damn near do whatever you want. So anyway America fuck you and have a good night.
King George II