(Cross-posted at
My Left Wing)
We all have one. Some of us have more than others, but unless we live cloistered in some glorious liberal bubble, we all have at least one wingnut who is unavoidably in our lives.
But, as I am about to show, certain events - take Hurricane Katrina, for example - serve as a litmus test for determining the strength of the word, "unavoidably." Such an event forces us to look at the wingnut in question and determine the point at which Republican stops and human being begins. I call it the "
Partisan Threshhold." The point is that it serves to help each of us determine who among our wingnut acquaintances still has a conscience and, by extension, is worth one more single iota of effort in the interest of civility.
When a person displays a reprehensibly high "Partisan Threshhold," one may feel compelled to toss the offender out of one's life altogether - as I almost did today, before my wife begged me not to further complicate her already strained relationship with her nutball father.
So, rather than actually send my vicious email and hear no end of the consequences from my beloved wife, I'm spewing my venom here, among people who will appreciate the sentiment and perhaps wish to share the bile-slathered diatribes they've recently sent, or didn't send, to the loons in their midst.
Enjoy...
September 18th, 2005
I have a long history of political back and forth with my father-in-law, Joe. Out of respect for the dead and out of fear for how I might behave, I hadn't emailed him since the hurricane and I was hoping he would follow suit. But he didn't. He sent me one of those woefully unfunny bits of right wing "satire" - something about Bush giving the "fuck off and die" speech to an ungrateful world. It's not worth reprinting. So I won't.
September 19th, 2005
After stewing for a night, incredulous that people are still sending tripe like this around in the wake of a catastrophe that has shown the folly of conservatism, I decide, for the umpteenth time, to be civil.
Hi, Joe.
I'm going to give you a chance to show contrition.
I'm going to give you one opportunity to say: "Man I'm sorry about that whole hurricane thing. I see now that all my selfish talk about shrinking government and letting the markets run the show and the fact that I helped elect a president who sent most of the Louisiana National Guard to Iraq to fight a war based on lies and then remained on vacation for the first two and a half days of this tragedy...I see now how that sort of selfishness has consequences. MAJOR consequences. And I'm sorry."
I'm going to give you one chance to say that, Joe.
I hope you do.
Matt
To which he responds:
Hi Matt,
Have you been smoking wacky weed????
Who's fault is it that the local government in New Orleans is incompetent and the town is full of criminals and dependent welfare bum's. [sic] Bush I suppose. Even an animal knows enough to walk to high ground!
Five days notice seems sufficient to me.
Some of the people were waiting for the government to bring meals and busses. That's what happens to self reliance when your [sic] on the dole. I should be sorry that Bush sees the "big picture " and is doing his best to protect the country?? That is Hollywood nonsense my boy...nonsense.
Where was the mayor and the governor? Just plain incompetent. City busses just sat there in a swamp!
Yeh, I'm sorry there are stupid people and criminals.
I didn't think you were an isolationist and a guy who wants the government to take care of him. How did France do last year when thousands perished in summer heat. That is socialism at work. Not a good choice.
Time to rethink the whole thing and stop bashing Bush.
Love Joe
P.S. are you pissed yet.? You can always be a "point of light" and go to Louisiana to help out.
Verbatim. Didn't change a word. I'll forward the email to anyone who doesn't believe that there are people like this in the world.
I haven't responded to him yet. If I had, it would probably look like this:
I gave you a chance to be a human being about the whole Katrina mess and, once again, you decided to put your political party ahead of everything else. Well, you're now a tiny minority in this country. Most Americans have been horrified at what the storm revealed: a 3rd World alive inside our own borders, total incompetence from a president who won the last election because he'd convinced everyone that he could keep us safe, critical federal agencies being run by people with no qualifications. It disgusts everyone who has the courage to look.
So I'm done with you. I don't find you funny. I don't respect you. I don't like you. I think you were a terrible father with your first four kids. You were certainly a terrible husband. Despite the fact that you have no job and are basically a housewife, you talk tough about self-determinism and living off the dole.
No one lives on "the dole" more than you, buddy, farting around with your penny stocks while your current wife brings home the bacon. If it wasn't so tragic, I'd be laughing at you.
I wake up every day reminding myself to be everything you're not:
A good husband.
A good father.
Generous.
Compassionate.
Informed.
Open-Minded.
Able.
You're what every weak man becomes after he fucks up the 1st half of his life, a serial rationalizer who lives in denial about everything. You're a Republican because that philosophy supports your denial. You will believe anything that allows you to justify your selfishness and makes you feel okay about who you are and what you've done in your life, no matter how many lies are involved.
So I've written you a mantra:
"I WAS AN ABSENT FATHER. I WAS A HORRIBLE HUSBAND. BUT THEN I HAD MY MID-LIFE CRISIS AND EXPECTED EVERYONE TO FORGIVE ME. OF COURSE I BELIEVE THAT ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES -- JUST NONE OF MY ACTIONS, 'CAUSE I'M DOING THINGS RIGHT THIS TIME AROUND. SEE, I ADVOCATE A POLITICAL IDEOLOGY THAT ALLOWS ME NOT TO CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT MYSELF AND THERE ARE NO CONSEQUENCES FOR DOING SO - OTHER THAN A BUNCH OF DEAD BLACK PEOPLE IN NEW ORLEANS - WHICH IS ACTUALLY A GOOD THING 'CAUSE THAT'S JUST FEWER BLACK PEOPLE TO LOOT WHITE PEOPLE'S STUFF. IT ALL GOES TOGETHER. IT IS ALL A PART OF WHO I AM. IT ALL COMES FROM MY SELFISHNESS. WANT MY VOTE? APPEAL TO MY SELFISHNESS. AND THEN CONGRATULATE ME ON REQUIRING ONLY FIVE ATTEMPTS TO FIGURE OUT FATHERHOOD."
Has anyone else noticed how, when deadbeat dads "start over," they almost always become born again Christians or Republicans or both??
Hmmm.
Anyway, take the poll.