One of the main sentiments apparently underlying a lot of the support of bills like S403 is that daughters should be encouraged to communicate with their parents so that their parents can convince them to act in a safe and appropriate manner.
You know, encourage "family values."
People who oppose such bills usually say that these bills are bad for girls who have been victims of incest or have parents that might abuse or kill them, and that alone is a reason to throw them out.
I just wanted to explain to people that there are plenty of "good girls" who talk about things like sports, weather, grades, boys to a point, and college with their fathers, but could never, never, never talk to them about abortion.
Assuming that the average teenage girl talks to their parents about life-altering decisions is self-delusional. I don't care how "good" of a parent you are.
I could use several examples of my practice as an adolescent psychologist, and no, not all of the families were significantly disturbed. But I think that would be taking the chicken way out by putting the problem off on other people. No, I can use my own experience here.
My father always let me know that he was pro-life. I grew up in a very conservative area of the country and my mother was a feminist in her day, even if she didn't self-identify as such. My dad liked to talk to me intellectually, so we would have several 'debates' that I would always lose because, well, I was about ten years old. I didn't have enough information to combat arguments about women's roles and other socially conservative claptrap. I did know that such rigidity did go against who I seemed to be as a person. As a teenager I was pro-gay rights, even as "fags" (as labeled by other students) got beat up in the high school halls for public displays of same-sex affection.
I heard all about how women should not abort children of their rapist because, well, what if the kid is a Nobel Prize winner? As a teen I thought, "So what?!" But that kind of argument didn't fly with my dad as he would scowl at me and imply that I was anti-science or anti-achievement or something like that.
So having this background and knowing he felt the way that he did (and probably more importantly that my mother didn't feel confident enough in her own political views to stand up to him in the voting booth) didn't make me want to discuss my evolving identity with him. I was born socially liberal. Just came that way. Sometimes this is referred to as a parent-child temperament mismatch.
So when I was date raped in college, and I was afraid I was pregnant, I didn't tell my father. I told my mother who went immediately into denial. She said, "We won't tell your dad, he'll kill everyone in sight." And then this peaceful look crossed her face and I knew she was busy forgetting what I had just told her.
I went to get EC for myself, by myself, and was verbally abused by the gynecologist. He told me that I couldn't have been raped because my underwear wasn't ripped (forget the 6" long bruise on my bicep) and that I should keep my clothes on next time. He bitched during the entire exam about how irresponsible I was.
During this tirade of his, I contemplated suicide, had a plan (and since they left me alone in the exam room for hours at a time while they apparently had coffee) I was saved only by the fact that I had once read a story about a woman who had committed suicide after a rape but turned out not to be pregnant after all. So I decided put off death to see if I was pregnant or not.
Did you get that? What saved me was not my parents' love, but READING and INFORMATION. My dad's rage would have been focused on his own sense of violation, the violation of his property, and not on the fact that I was violated. My mom couldn't deal with it. I don't even think she remembers the incident today.
That was 14 years ago. This stuff comes up for me on a daily basis now because of all of the bullshit in our government and the holy roller pharmacists and gynos.
You can't compel me to talk to my pro-life father about my potential abortion. It's none of your fucking business. Even as a teenager I knew these conversations were taboo. He didn't have to beat me or call me a stupid cunt to get that across.
So next time this debate seems to be about the perfect family versus the abusive family, please remember that by far the majority of us walk the middle ground. My parents may hold hard-won political beliefs for themselves but it doesn't mean that they are mine. My perception of what they believed and what I could tell them safely formed in adolescence and was compiled from such disparate topics as "all Californians are fruits, nuts, and flakes" and "Why are you always being friends with those gays?" Adolescence is about making decisions you might enjoy or regret every day. Drinking. Sex. Thrill-seeking.
In short, compelling adolescent speech when they are the least emotionally and cognitively competent is a governmental intrusion into that girl's privacy and forming identity, pure and simple.