What happens when a man is deprived of everything he holds sacred?
What happens when a citizen loses his respect for his country?
What happens when we leave power unchecked? When fear is our daily diet and we become accomplices to depriving a man of everything he holds sacred?
Follow me past the fold please...
there was a time when helicopters didn't bother me.
there was a time when i didn't check the door at night.
there was a time when learning was looked upon as a righteous endeavor.
there was a time when enlightenment was encouraged and
there was a time when torture was wrong.
when trying to drown another human being was wrong
no one deserves to be naked and shivering and not knowing if they will be able to eat again.
no one deserves to be cold on the concrete cringing and yelled at - screamed at - humiliated, made to get into positions, made to hold themselves up for hours and hours and hours
and hours at a time trying to count
trying to keep track trying to keep track of the hours
numbing my feet, burning at my ankles, tearing my eyes
i close them,
think about my daughter
remember her remember do i remember?
because they scream at me about places and people I have never heard of.
they scream and they hit
me snarling and there is no relief.
no
relief. I have to. i have to because its been daughters and grandmothers and home too many times and too many hours and the warmth of my piss is
relief. even if
just for a few
sacred
seconds
i love you
even worth the hours more
of worse
worse
where do i go?
where can i go when it happens?
there is no solace
no privacy
no reprieve, not even sleep.
sleep is a privilege meted out by my captors.
food is a privilege meted out by captors.
sleep, food, pissing, shitting, relaxing even
just
sitting down
is a privilege meted out by our captors.
what am i to do when even hope is unthinkable?
what am i to do when even water is unattainable?
when there is no pause?
when we wake to this nightmare in neverland?
we refuse the food meted out by our captors and they force it down us through tubes
my body acts on its own
(how old is she? how old am I? how long how many hours? how many days? how many years?)
it stinks
i gag, i gag, i can not help my body. choking, shaking
i am not in control
they just stand there and laugh
cell phones flashing and i am the newest zoo animal
and i cannot move. just sit in my shit and stink THEIR shit stinking up the room
my pants stick to my thighs
god
god
there is no god
there are no daughters